Nana sipped her lemonade. “You’re young. You have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do.”
My shoulders lowered. “I’m not that young. Most people know what they want by now.”
Nana waved a hand at my purse, where I always kept a small notebook. “What about that writing you do in your journals?”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s pure fantasy.”
“What’s Nana talking about?” Jake asked me.
I’d never been vocal about my notebooks, assuming they were just for fun, and no one would take it seriously. “It’s nothing. I write down ideas for stories.”
“You want to write?” Jake asked.
I didn’t sense any insincerity in his question. “No. Yes. I have no idea. I don’t even know if I can.”
“You won that poetry contest in school,” Jake said.
“That’s not the same thing as writing a short story or even a book. It was so easy.” We were supposed to write a couple of poems in ninth grade English. I sat down for a few minutes to brainstorm, and it had easily come to me. In one, I tapped into my feelings of navigating high school without parents. The second one was about nature. I was surprised when the teacher chose the first one to read to the class and then encouraged me to submit it for the contest. No one was more surprised than me when I won first place.
“It’s a pretty good indicator of your talent.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t encourage you more. It’s just that you were adamant about working in the store.”
“That was my dream.” The store represented security. Financially and otherwise. The thought of it not being my standby anymore had me feeling like I was drifting out to the bay.
“What are your plans for writing?” Nana asked.
“There’s a creative writing class at the local community college.”
“You should take it,” Jake said.
He acted like things were so easy. You wanted to be a writer. Take the class. Write the book. Start the business. Everything was so cut-and-dried to him. He’d never waffled in what he wanted out of life.
“I can’t go to college.” I felt like it was something I should have done right after I graduated from high school, and now it was too late. Then there was the financial consideration. I wasn’t sure I could afford it.
“You can go to college and do whatever you want.” Jake ran a hand through his hair. “You can get loans, and I’ll help out.”
“I’m not your responsibility.” Sometimes he acted like he was my father, not just my brother.
His jaw tightened, and I knew he wasn’t done talking about the issue. He told me when I graduated that he’d do everything in his power to help me go to college if it was what I wanted. But I’d been content living at home and helping Nana at the shop.
“Think about it,” Nana said reasonably.
I needed to know that she was okay if her and Grandpa’s legacy didn’t live on through the store. “You really don’t care if the store closes? You and Grandpa worked so hard to open it. It was your dream.”
Nana leaned closer, her expression fierce. “It wasourdream. It was never yours.”
Her words were sharp, effectively cutting the invisible line that tied us together. She was giving me permission to make my own path. I just wasn’t sure I was ready.
Nana stood, picking up the mostly empty tray. “It’s settled. I’m going to close the store.”
Panic filled my throat, making it difficult to swallow. “What? I thought we were going to think about it.”
“It’s my store, and I want to close it,” Nana insisted.
She wanted me to pursue my dreams, and she wasn’t going to let her store stand in my way. I respected her for it, even as fear flowed through me. I wasn’t ready.
“When?” I asked, following her into the kitchen, where she wasted no time wrapping up the leftover sandwiches.