As much as I want to talk to her, I can't. Not with all the doubts ringing through my head. I walk out of the office and down the hall, prepared to have Eric pass along the book. But stop in my tracks when I get to the bar. We're not open yet, but there she is standing just inside the door, looking around the room until her eyes land on me.
7
Caroline
Oh shit,he's here. All the bravado I felt after talking to the girls has vanished. I must have left it in the car because this is terrifying. They think I should give him a chance and go out on a date. I'm just not ready for that. You'd think after all these years I would be. But the thought of going out with someone is enough to give me hives.
My entire goal is to come in here, talk to him and apologize for throwing him under the bus last night. Oh, and my book. I can't forget that because I'm going to need that to return to the library...eventually. Tessa Adams is one of my favorite authors. At this point I've checked out this book more times than I can count, and I should probably just buy it.
But the apology is the main goal. And now that I see him on the other side of the room, I want nothing more than to turn around, open the door and walk out of this bar. Possibly never come here again. Who knows I may ask the girls if we can go someplace else for our Wednesday night romps. I mean the winery isn't that far away. It's actually closer to me. They'll never agree, though. They like the vibe. And I don't blame them. I do, too. It's one of the reasons I like coming here. Well, other than ogling the bartender. Not that he needs to know that.
He takes a few steps into the room and instinctively I take one back. No, not forward like any sane person would because I am terrified. I'm sure I look like an idiot I almost make a dash for the door but before I can turn around, I hear a soft click behind me. Glancing over my shoulder, I notice one of the employees has locked the door. Which would be creepy under other circumstances but they had to unlock it for me to even come in. I should have waited to come during business hours. At least then Carlos could have been busy and I wouldn't be standing here acting like I don't know how to move. Or form sentences.
Okay, Caroline. Time to put on your big girl panties and deal with the situation. All you have to do is get your book and apologize. That's it. So, what if you run into Nathan and he has to ask you where your boyfriend is. You can tell him you broke up. People do it every day. Hell, he did it to me. But from the whispers of the bartender, and the other employees, that's not going to be so easy. And if they are talking about it, I'm sure other people in town are talking about it. How in the world do I get myself into these situations?
Maybe I can propose an arrangement of sorts, like he just tell people he's my boyfriend but not actually do anything about it. Soon the choice is taken out of my hands. Because while I've been in my head, he's closed the distance between us. His eyes glance everywhere in the room except at me. I have a feeling he's just as nervous as I am. Or he's pissed about last night. At this point, it could go either way. With my luck it's the latter.
"Hey," I say and force a smile on my face. I don't want him to think I'm here against my will even though technically I am. If my friends found out I didn't stop by, they would drag me here themselves and watch over me until they made sure I talked to Carlos. Plus, the guilt trip my mom put me through. Avoidance has never been something she's practiced. And then she had me. The master of avoiding confrontation, even if it's of my own making.
"Hey," he answers, and runs a hand through his hair. I can't help but notice the muscle straining against his shirt. He's too attractive for his own good, no matter how awkward this is. It's like we're two teenagers at a school dance circling around each other. "You, uh, left this here last night." He shoves the book in front of my face.
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I got flustered and left." I mean clearly. It wasn't exactly my finest moment. A quick look around the bar, and I'm mortified. Everyone is acting like they are working, but their attention is one hundred percent focused on us. Especially the other bartender. If I didn't know any better, I would think they are as invested as my friends are.
"I know," he chuckles. "I went to go get you a bottle of water. When I turned around, you were gone."
"I'm sorry about that," I grimace. "And, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable by telling my ex-husband you were my boyfriend. That was insensitive of me." The sentence comes out in a rush, the words jumbled together. It'll be a miracle if he can understand anything I just said.
"It's okay, Caroline." He moves his hand as if he's going to touch my shoulder, but quickly pulls it away. "I understand, and if you ever need my help like that again. I can do it."
Whoa, talk about unexpected. Although I guess I can't really blame him, considering he was also going to ask me out on a date last night. So, I get it, sort of. Even if I'm not entirely sure why he wanted to do that anyway. Surely, he knows I have a kid, and if he doesn't...well, that is going to be a rude awakening. Not many guys want to start anything with a woman who comes with baggage, even if they say they are okay with it. I tried that once with a guy who wascoolwith me having a child and got burned. It's why I've only ever focused my attention on me and David. He gets me through every day, and I don't have to worry I'm going to let him down with any choices I may make.
"Why are you so nice?" Nobody is genuinely that good or sweet. It seems mythical.
He shrugs, and shoves his hands in his pockets. "I don't know. I just think about my sisters. I wouldn't want anyone making them feel like they are less than they are. It's shitty."
Huh. That actually makes sense. Also, good to know he has sisters. "How old are they?"
"Teenagers," he shivers. "I don't remember being quite so extra when I was their age."
"You also weren't a teenage girl."
"What does that mean?" He scratches his head.
"Nothing you'll ever have to worry about." I smirk. I don't think any guy will ever understand everything a teenage girl goes through. Or the double standards they are held to. Not that boys don't go through changes of their own. It's just...not the same.
He pulls two chairs out from under one of the tables, and motions for me to sit. "I guess I should be happy about that."
"Yeah, probably." I sit down opposite him. I should leave, but things are less awkward now. It's not like he's trying to hit on me or anything. We're only talking. Like normal people. "I really am sorry, though. It wasn't right for me to do that. Especially after you asked me out and I was trying to tell you no."
"Why is that?" The question isn't angry. It's filled with curiosity.
"What?" Playing dumb definitely isn't smart, but it'll buy me some time.
"You know exactly what I mean." He leans back in the chair and puts his arm on the table. To anyone watching, he seems relaxed. But I can see the hurt behind his eyes, and I feel like shit for being the one to put it there. "Why were you going to reject me?"
"It's not a good idea."
"For whom? You or me?"