Prologue
The door slamswith a finality I never imagined I'd have to go through. But here I am. Staring through teary eyes at the door.
This isn't how I pictured my life. My son crying in my arms while the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, walks out the door without a backward glance. No goodbyes, or we can work on things. Just gone.
Being a single mom is not what I had in mind when I said 'I do.' To make matters worse, I can't afford this house on my own. Without another source of income, I'll be forced to move back in with Mom. Disrupting the routine she has with Reaf and Bryce.
No. I willnotdo that. I don't need to figure it all out right now, but I will soon. Full-time job and everything. It's the only thing that will provide for us. I'm not sure what is going through Nathan's head, but I need to do what is best for me and my child. If he comes around and wants to make this work, I'll consider it. Even if it's against my better judgement. If he was willing to do the work in the first place, he wouldn't have walked out the door.
Standing, I walk around and pat David's back. He's teething and there isn't much that will calm him down, but I'm hoping the movement will help. It has to at some point.
So many thoughts are running through my mind, and I can't keep any of them straight.
I quit my job toward the end of my pregnancy, and I doubt they'll take me back. They made it pretty clear where they stood when I told them I wanted time with my son because six weeks of maternity leave wasn't enough. They didn't bat an eye when I left. It was then I realized they weren't as family friendly as I'd hoped.
David finally dozes off, and I bend over to place him in the pack 'n' play. There's a knock at the door and I jump, waking him up.
His cries are deafening as I head toward the door. I have no idea who it could be. If it was Nathan, with a change of heart, he would have walked in, right?
Readjusting David to my shoulder, I open the door and sigh in relief. It's not Nathan, but someone even better.
"Mom." The word comes out as a sob, and she rushes in, dropping the bags of takeout, and wraps her arms around me.
"What's the matter? Did I get my days mixed up again?"
"What?" Too much has happened today, and I can't process what she's saying.
"Dinner," she says, letting go of me. "It's Tuesday, right? Our weekly dinner night."
She pulls David from my arms, and by some sort of magic, he calms down the instant he's cradled in her arms. "I'm sorry, I completely forgot."
Taking in my appearance, she glances around the house. All the rooms are dark except the foyer we're in and the living room. "Where's Nathan?"
That question does me in. I walk to the couch and sag into the cushions, trying to hold back my sobs, but the tears run down my cheeks. Traitorous emotions. Why can't I be sad, or only angry?
I know he left less than an hour ago, but rage and despair fill my every fiber. I don't even know where to begin, so I start with the simple answer. "He left."
"Like he went to the store?"
"No, Mom." I shake my head and take a deep breath. "As in walked out on me. On David. Our little family."
David has fallen asleep in her arms and she lays him down before sitting beside me, and pulling me into her arms once more. "I'm so sorry, sweetie."
"I don't know what I'm going to do, Mom." I sniffle into her arm. "I quit my job to be home with him and focus on our family. Now, I don't have a choice but to go back to work."
"We'll figure it out."
"I shouldn't have to. He was it for me. I don't know what I did to make him leave."
She leans back and lifts my chin until my eyes meet hers. "You didnothingwrong. Him leaving has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him."
"All he said before packing his bags and walking out the door, was that he wasn't cut out for this life. And that he wasn't ready to be a family man." I shake my head, trying to make it make sense. "It came out of left field. We were both on board with trying for David."
"Nobody truly knows what is going through his head, but him. You can't beat yourself up about it." She waits a few moments for me to get myself under control. "Is this what you want? That's the important thing. I'm here for you whether you're done with him or willing to give him another chance. If he comes to his senses, that is."
"I don't know." It's the only answer I have.
"Pack a bag for you and David."