Sophia
Rolling over,my face hits something cold and hard. Ugh, what the hell is that? I lift my face up and see my tablet smeared with drool. At least I had the good sense to take my glasses off at some point in the night. Buying another pair is not something I want to do. Wiping off the remnants of my sleep, I fully intend to pick up where I left off in the book I’m reading. To my horror, it’s dead. I guess today is going to be filled with adulting and all that jazz. If I would have known how stressful being an adult was going to be, I never would have signed up for it.
The sun shining through my window is bright, and I squint my eyes trying to dull the brightness. Since I’m up, I may as well get dressed and actually go out job hunting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for everything my parents have done, but I need my space. I’ve been on my own since I was eighteen, and being stuck in their house at twenty-four isn’t my idea of a great time. There is a tiny bit of fear that Dawson will be lurking around the corner. It’s something I can’t help feeling, and it will probably be around for a while. I have to overcome it, though. If I continue to let him have a hold on me, I’ll never be able to move on with my life.
“Are you awake, Soph?” Mom knocks on my door.
“Yeah,” I mumble, stretching my arms. “I’m about to jump in the shower.”
“Okay,” she pauses for a second. “Are you going anywhere today?”
Very subtle, Mom. It would have been better if you’d just come out and ask me instead of beating around the bush. “Yes, Mom,” I grunt. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I stand. Sleep is what I really want. Reading always manages to keep me up until an unreasonable hour. “I’m going to check with employers today about a job.”
“That’s good.” The smile can be heard even if it can’t be seen. The feeling is mutual. Anything to get out of this house.
“I’m gonna get ready, and I’ll be out there in a bit.” Pulling clothes from my closet, I hate everything I have. The “interview” clothes I have are outdated, and sort of blah. Definitely not a good look when I'm trying to impress people. It might just be time to go shopping, but I’m going to wait until Mom can go with me because I’m still not completely comfortable going out for long periods of time. I need a buffer in case I do run into Dawson.
“I’ll make you something to eat,” She says before walking away. Her footsteps are muffled by the carpet, but she’s heavy footed, so I always know when she’s around. Unless, of course, she intentionally quiets her steps, not wanting me to know she’s there.
The shower is going to have to be a quick one. I woke up later than I had intended. The book pulled me in more than I wanted sleep. It’s a reader problem I’ve had since I was a child. One that my mom wasn’t a fan of when it would take her ages to wake me up for school in the mornings.
While the water warms up, I stare at myself in the mirror. Long gone is the girl I used to be. She was peppy and full of life. All that’s left now is a shell. Oh, I can put on a pretty smile and fake it like the best of them. But, inside is ugly. Inside is where I’m constantly questioning myself, and my worth. All the confidence I once had has burned to ash, and I fear I’ll never get that back.
Steam fills the room. Crap, I almost forgot that I had the water running. Lifting the lever for the shower to begin, I hurry in. Shampoo runs down my forehead and into my eye while I’m rushing to wash my hair. Ugh, I hope this isn’t an indication of how the rest of the day is going to be. Rinsing my hair, and my eye, I bathe and get out. That may be the fastest shower I’ve ever taken, but I really need to be out of the house soon. If I show up too late in the day to inquire about a job, employers are likely to think work isn’t my top priority.
Maybe tonight I’ll set an alarm for when it’s time to stop reading so I can do it all over again tomorrow. My skirt and top are snug. It’s not surprising since I haven’t worn it in years, but it’s still depressing. My hair is thrown into a bun, and I apply a neutral eyeshadow to my eyes before swiping a bit of mascara on my lashes. I look like a librarian. While I wouldn’t consider that a bad thing, I’m uncertain of how employers will react to it.
A plate of waffles sits on the kitchen table when I walk in. Mom is getting the syrup and butter out while I fill a cup with cold water. My hands are unsteady as I lift the cup to my mouth. It could be nerves, or fear, but I’ll have to push both aside if I’m ever going to get past everything Dawson has put me through.
“Eat up, Sophia,” Mom nudges me toward the chair. “You’re going to need the energy to get through the day.” When I don’t sit down, she gently pushes me. “I know it’s scary, but you can do this. He’s not going to be out there waiting to pounce on you. And… if he is, all you have to do is call the cops. There’s a reason we got a restraining order on him.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I pick up the fork and cut off a piece of the waffle. They’re one of my favorite breakfast foods, but today they have no taste. I have to take a drink of water to force it down. “What are my chances of finding a job today?”
“Well, it’s not like I can guarantee that,” she laughs. “But you’ll never know unless you try. I have faith that you can find something.”
After taking a few more bites, I stand. “Okay,” I sigh. “I’ve got this, and I’m not giving up until I find a job.” Maybe if I visualize finding a job, it will come true. Giving myself a mental push, I stride toward the front door, grabbing my bag and car keys on the way. “I’ll be back later, Mom.”
“Good luck, honey.” Her words hit me just before I close the door.
* * *
Another rejection. I should have known the shampoo in my eye was a bad omen. I’ve visited almost every single job I sent an application to online. Each one gave me some asinine reason why I wasn’t a good fit for their company. A small part of me thinks every conspiracy involves Dawson. If they already contacted my previous job, then that nailed the head in the employable coffin.
Not yet ready to go home in defeat, I park in one of my favorite parts of Dallas. There’s always something going on, music to be heard, and food to be consumed. There’s a burger place that I absolutely love and used to go to all the time. That was before Dawson. Now, it’s going to be the one good thing that comes from this craptastic day. It’s the pick me up I need.
Music filters through the room as I walk in. It feels like coming home. Ridiculous, I know, since it’s just a restaurant. It’s a restaurant I liked before, though. This is one of the small ways I’m reclaiming my old self. The road to that will be long, and hard, but I have no doubt that I will come out of it just fine. Or, at least, I hope I will. With everything so up in the air, it’s hard to see past right now.
The secluded booth in the back is calling my name. Before I have a chance to sit down, one of the waitresses, Ginger, is standing beside me. “Long time, no see,” she smirks.
“I guess I deserve that,” I say. Ginger has worked here for as long as I can remember, and she’s always been my favorite. She even gives me extra when I order dessert. I like to believe she thinks of me as one of her kids. All of hers are grown and have gone on to live their own lives. “How have you been?”
“Well,” she puts her hands on her hips. “I’m not getting any younger, that’s for sure.” Ginger looks me up and down before throwing her arms around me. “Where have you been? I’ve seen your parents in here a few times, but you are never with them.”
“Making bad life choices,” I say, pulling back from her embrace. “Now, I’m trying to put myself back together. Any chance y’all are hiring?”
“I thought you had a job.”
“I did,” sighing, I lower myself to the seat. “But I lost it because of my aforementioned choices.”