Sophia
It’s beenfour months since I walked out of the apartment I shared with Dawson. My parents reacted exactly the way I thought they were going to when I showed up on their doorstep in the middle of the night. They were upset I didn’t say anything to them sooner, but mostly they were happy I was okay. That I finally got myself out of a bad situation they hadn’t realize existed.
Mom and Dad have done an amazing job of keeping Dawson away from me, too. Any other guy would have run screaming with the threats Dad threw at him. Not him, though. He took it as a challenge to see how long it would take before he could persuade my parents into letting him see me. That is until we took out a restraining order against him. He hasn’t shown up since.
Before we got that taken care of, I was terrified to leave the house. Always worried Dawson was going to jump out from behind a row of bushes. While I’d like to say that I don’t feel any fear when I leave the house, that would be a lie. Constantly looking over my shoulder is something I think I’m going to do for a long time, if not forever. I want to believe he’d never physically hurt me, but I’m not sure of that. His temper kept getting worse and worse. How do I know that he wouldn’t have taken it a step further? That thought alone is what scares me more than anything.
“Sophie,” Mom yells from the living room, pulling my thoughts away from Dawson and all that he has done. She acts as if I can’t hear her at a normal level from the kitchen. We are maybe twenty feet away from each other.
“Yeah, Mom.” My fingers are poised over my laptop keyboard, filling out yet another job application. It would be amazing if one of them actually responded, or even gave me a “no, thank you.” Not hearing anything is driving me batty.
“How’s the search going?”
She asks me this at least twice a day. As if I’m lazing about not trying to find another way to replace my income. When fear kept me from leaving my parents’ house, my job was understanding… at first. When there were consecutive days missed, thanks to Dawson’s harassment, they made the decision to let me go indefinitely. There’s a tiny part of me that hoped they would give me another chance, but it’s not something they were comfortable doing. I can’t blame them, not really. It’s not their fault I decided to date a controlling, overbearing asshole. Maybe if I’m quiet long enough she’ll forget she asked.
Minutes pass without another sound from the living room, and I breathe a sigh of relief. My fingers ache from the constant scrolling as job listings pop up on the screen. My qualifications do not fit any of these jobs. Most require a degree that I don’t have, or a commute that makes it not worth the earnings. I need to find something soon. The money I put away when I was still with Dawson is slowly dwindling. It shouldn’t be this hard to find something on the East side of Dallas.
“Did you hear me, Sophie?” Mom is by the counter, and I jump.
“You scared the crap out of me,” I breathe. “And yes, I heard you.”
“I called your name three times,” she rolls her eyes. “You were staring into space. So, how’s the search going?” She grabs an apple from the fruit bowl and takes a bite, waiting for my reply.
That makes twice she’s asked me within the hour, and I get the message loud and clear. As much as my parents love me… They want me out. Not that I blame them. My little brother is getting ready to spend his last summer at home before heading off to fulfill his Ivy League dreams in another state. He may drive me nuts most of the time, but I’m proud of the kid. Maybe he’ll let me tag along on his road trip. It will be a good way to avoid my parents worrying gaze for a while.
“It’s going,” I mutter. “I’m either under, or over, qualified. Why isn’t anyone calling me back?” I wave my hands at my laptop to emphasize my continued frustration.
“Well, maybe you should actually go to some of the places,” she says. “It might be easier if they could put a face to a name. At least,” she shrugs. “that’s what we used to do back in my day before we had the internet. There wasn’t an option to fill out an application online.” Oh great, she’s going to go on another one of her long diatribes. “We had to go to the location, meet with a manager, and fill out the application by hand.” She mimics writing as if I can’t understand what she’s saying.
“Yeah, yeah. I get it. You had to do everything the hard way.” Groaning, I shut my laptop and lay my head on top of it. “But, I guess I can hit up some of these places tomorrow.”
She walks over and pats me on the back. “You can’t stay shut in the house out of fear. If you happen to see Dawson while you’re out, you can always find someone to help you.”
While her reassurances are helpful, she’s working on the assumption that people are inherently good. Maybe she’s forgotten I was dating someone we all thought was amazing, but turned out to be a monster. “I actually thought about seeing if Jay would let me go with him, and his friends, on their trip this summer.”
“Nope,” she leans back and pulls her hand from my back. “You are not running away from your problems. I won’t allow it, and since you are under my roof for the time being… What I say goes.”
Ugh, I hate when she uses the “mom” voice. What she’s saying makes complete sense. Dawson has already taken so much from me… my self-worth, sense of security, and my job. If I let him claim any other parts of my life, I might as well go back to him. I’m not going to do that. My strength is greater than my fear. At least, I hope it is. “Fine,” I huff. “I’ll go look for a job tomorrow.”
“Good.” She doesn’t say anything else, just turns and goes back to the living room. Mom has done her duty of nudging me in the direction she thinks is best. Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t, but her and Dad are the only ones I can turn to right now.
Friends would come in handy right now. There were a few girls I was close with from high school, and we talked every day. They were the ones I could count on to catch me whenever I fell. That is until Dawson came into the picture and my world started to revolve around him. Pushing away those closest to me was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. If I hadn’t let him have so much control over me, my friends could have possibly helped me before things between us got so bad.
Enough of this. I’m not going to spend the rest of the day thinking about what could have, or should have, happened. Scooting my chair back, I stand up and debate taking my laptop to my room with me. I know I should be looking for more jobs right now, but I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with it. There’s a book by Kandi Steiner, sitting on my tablet, and calling my name. If Mom stops bugging me, I may be able to finish it today. The book kept me up way past my normal bedtime last night because of how much I connected with the main character.
Mom is on the sofa, reading a magazine, when I cut through the living room on the way to my room. She doesn’t say anything to me, and I’m grateful for it. I fully expected her to stop and lecture me some more about finding a job. Maybe she’s giving me this one free pass after seeing how down I was in the kitchen a few moments ago.
My tablet is lying on my bed where I left it this morning. With any luck, it hasn’t died yet. Plopping on the bed and adjusting my pillows until I’m comfortable, I pick up the tablet and press the power button. Score, it’s still living. The battery is low, but not so low that I have to plug it in. Not right now anyway.
Revelryis already visible on the screen, waiting for me to devour it. To pull me in and live among these characters. To hopefully heal myself in the process. If there is anything that can propel me in the direction I should be going, it’s the power of books. The one thing I didn’t give up to Dawson.
The lack of interviews, and all my problems, will still be waiting for me later. Right now, I need this time for me to decompress and let go of my worries for a bit. The only way I can do that is through the characters in this book.