“Putting up all the crap she bought. Thankfully, most of it was stuff for Layla. She needed some clothes for the summer. She’s growing so quickly, we can’t keep up.” I feel his hand moving somewhere near my head. He grabs the edge of the blanket and pulls it down until my face is uncovered. “How do you even breathe with all of this on top of you?”
“I have a little space uncovered on this side to keep the air flowing.” I point to the side opposite of him even though he can’t see what I’m doing.
“I see,” he nods his head “Nice try on the subject change, by the way. Tonya isn’t going to swoop in here and rescue you.” Pausing, he waits for me to respond. When I don’t, he continues, “You can talk to me, you know that right? I won’t say anything to Lucia and it won’t get back to your mom. Keeping everything bottled up is only going to hurt you in the long run. I know, I’ve been there.”
“You have?” That strikes me as odd. He’s always so happy and chipper. It seemed like nothing ruffled his feathers.
“Yeah,” he nods. “When my dad bailed on us. Bryce was just a baby, and I was so angry at the world. I acted out and made my mom’s life a living hell for a while. In the end, it was for the best. Mom is living a better life without him dragging her down.”
“Wow, I’m sorry. I didn’t know all that.” Gratitude that my parents are still together and in love, flows through me. “I knew he wasn’t around but I didn’t know he abandoned y’all.”
“Don’t get me wrong, we still talked on birthdays and holidays. He’s just never gone the extra mile. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t invite him to the wedding. Why should he get to celebrate the greatest day of my life when he was around for so little of it?”
“It makes sense.” I swear my cousin’s husband is an old soul. He’s so mature about life events. I guess he’d have to be when the person you look up to drops the ball.
“So, what’s bugging you, cuz.” And then he ruins the maturity by calling me “cuz.”
Pulling my arms out from under my blanket, I throw them up in the air. “Everything.”
Reaf raises an eyebrow waiting for me to continue, and I word vomit all over the place. “The guy I thought I was in love with shattered my heart into tiny slivers. And, as much as I try to fit in with everyone here, I can’t help but feel like I’m on the outside because all of you have somebody to turn to. On top of that, we saw Randall at the hardware store today. I hadn’t seen him since we were kids, only when our eyes met… It was like sparks flooded my nervous system. I can’t be any sort of interested in anyone right now. I’m not over the bullshit I went through last year.”
Brows furrowed he nods. Dear God, he looks like a freaking shrink. He may have gone into the wrong major in school because he’s shockingly easy to talk to. At the same time, I feel like he’s psychoanalyzing me. Ugh, how did my life become this feeling of constant dread and jealousy? I used to be happy, like Reaf. Now… Now, I have to force myself to smile so people won’t constantly ask me what’s wrong.
“First,” he holds up one finger. “You always have someone to turn to. We are here for you no matter what. If we’re being super annoying with our coupledom, tell us to take it down a notch. Second,” another finger goes up. “I don’t know Randall that well. He’s come to a few get-togethers at your aunt and uncle’s house, and he usually stays to himself. He seems a little standoffish.” Reaf takes a big breath. “And, lastly, what happened back at home? I asked Tonya but she said it wasn’t her story to tell.”
That right there is why she’s my favorite cousin. I’ve always been able to go to her about what’s bothering me. Until now. She knows because I’ve told her. It’s just that I feel like my problems are miniscule compared to what she’s trying to accomplish while also having a family.
Shrugging, I look toward the ceiling. “I got my heart broken.”
“What did he do?”
The only place to start is the beginning. “I’ve always been kind of a loner. Doing my own thing and not really caring about anyone else. I didn’t have any close friends when I was in high school. That didn’t change when I graduated.” Most people also wagged their fingers at me when I didn’t go to college, too. I was happy working at one of the boutiques in town. It was where I thrived.
“When everyone came home for summer break,” I continue. “The guy I had a crush on started coming into the stored I worked at. I didn’t think anything of it. He was getting stuff for his sister, or his mom would send him in to pick something out for a gift for someone. At least that’s what he told me.” Deep breath in, exhale out. Even talking about it makes the wound bleed all over again. “One day he asked me out on a date, and instead of playing hard to get because I knew it was too good to be true, I said yes. We dated all summer, and kept it up when he went to school. Everything was fine and dandy. I got along with his friends, and they accepted me. At least for a little while.”
“Until,” Reaf swirls his hand wanting me to finish my story.
“Until it wasn’t,” I sigh. “It seemed like everything was going great. I was looking forward to Christmas break when he would be home again, and we could spend actual time together instead of over video. Instead, he ignored me for a couple of days after he got back. Then I saw that someone tagged him when I was scrolling through social media. It was a girl sitting in his lap at his parent’s house. Of course, I went to his house right after that to confront him. He told me she was just a friend and didn’t have anyone to go home to for the holidays so he invited her to his house.
“And you know what?” It’s rhetorical, but I feel the need to say it anyway. “My dumb ass believed him. I’d never really dated before, and I didn’t know what else to do. In my family, people don’t lie to those they consider their own. When his friends started sending me pictures of the two of them together throughout most of the semester, I felt like an idiot. I confronted him and broke it off. That’s when things went downhill.”
Choking back a sob, I try to rein in my emotions. I can feel warm wetness sliding down my cheeks, and I hate that I’m still allowing this shit to bother me. “His friends started posting pictures of me on social media calling me a ‘fat ass’ because I’m obviously not really thin. And he started spreading rumors about me sleeping around. And how dare I break up with him for doing the same thing he was doing.”
Another deep breath fills my lungs. “It was finally time for him and his friends to go back to school, and I thought it would end. He had the audacity to come to my house and tell me I was being ridiculous. ‘How could you expect someone like me to stay faithful to someone like you when there are so many people out there?’ Those were his exact words. He left, and people would give me the cold shoulder when they came into the boutique and the whispers never died. I was hurt and reeling from the blow he dealt me.”
“Nobody should ever treat someone like that,” Reaf shouts. “I don’t care how highly they think of themselves.”
“I found out after they left, that him dating me was some sort of joke. They wanted to see if they could get the class recluse to fall for him. I was already in a deep dark depression by that point. I didn’t want to leave the house. My self-worth plummeted.” I look up and see the rage on Reaf’s face. Shocked that anyone would be such an asshole. “Mom and I decided it was best if I came here. Around people that could put me back together again. Family that could remind me what it’s like to be truly loved and accepted.”
“What college is he going to? I can always drive up and defend your honor.” He’s smiling but I know he’s dead serious. This is what family does for each other.
Wiping the tears off my face, I snort. Leave it to my new cousin-in-law to make me laugh when I’m feeling down on myself. “He doesn’t matter anymore.” In all reality, he shouldn’t. His words shouldn’t still have an effect on me, except they do. I’m still trying to puzzle out what he meant by ‘someone like you,’ Is it because I’m not skinny? Or, because I lived my life as an outcast? I’ll never know because I refuse to speak to him ever again. Even when I go back home.
Reaf taps me on the forehead, making me go cross-eyed for second focusing on his finger. “Chin up buttercup. Leave the assholes behind and live the life you want to live.”
“Athole,” a small voice says from the doorway.
“Oh crap, I didn’t realize Layla was standing there. Tonya is going to kill me.” He rushes to pick up the girl that’s become the center of everyone’s world. “Of all the words to repeat, you pick that one?”