After making sure she makes it in the house safely, I back out of the driveway. She has a point with what she said about staying at home. My dad needs me, though. He doesn’t realize it now, and I hope one day he will. I just can’t leave him when he’s such a mess. Knowing what it feels like to have nobody looking out for you, I can’t put that emotion on him. Even if he deserves it.
My biggest fear is Amelia will start to pull away if I don’t make a change. She took the fight with my dad this morning in stride. She had to have been shaken up afterward, but she didn’t let on that anything was amiss. I don’t want my life to become her new normal. She deserves better than that. I just can’t guarantee that things will change quickly, or at all.
Worry over my dad’s presence fills me as I pull into the driveway. Luckily, his truck is gone. He’ll probably stumble in close to dawn reeking of booze, and I’ll have to clean up after him like I always do. If Mom never left, I wouldn’t be dealing with this right now. We’d be a happy, normal family. At least, that’s what I’ve always envisioned.
Grabbing my phone, I text Amelia to let her know I made it home. She doesn’t respond, most likely asleep after spending a day in the sun. The door creaks as I open then close it behind me. The house is silent, and I soak it in because there’s likely to be another fight in the coming days.
Lying in my bed, I mentally go over everything I’ll need to do tomorrow and what the morning has in store for me. Thoughts of Amelia drift through my mind. A smile forms on my lips, and then quickly fades. She shouldn’t be exposed to the life I lead. I tried my best to keep it all separate from her, but I’m not sure that’s possibly anymore. Not now that my dad has seen her, and is set on being a dick about my relationship. Only time will tell if she sticks around. My father’s voice rings through my head. “She’s going to leave you just like your mom.” The fear of that happening is real, and most likely going to happen. There’s no way in hell she’ll want to stick around for the messy parts of my life.
Trying to no longer dwell on it, I turn over and pull the blankets up around me. It’s hot, yet I need the false sense of comfort being wrapped up brings.
Seventeen
Amelia
“IsRandall coming to the party today?” Aunt Lucia asks while making yet another batch of brownies. How many sweets does she think we need? We aren’t feeding an army, or at least I don’t think so.
“He said he was,” I reply. That was last weekend. He hasn’t talked to me much this week, which is odd. Even when we can’t see each other due to our work schedules, we usually keep up a pretty consistent text conversation. Or at least call each other. It hasn’t been radio silence, but it might as well be. He still sends me funny memes, or ridiculous gifs, but as far as actual conversation… He’s backed off quite a bit.
Did I do something last weekend to make him mad? This boyfriend terrain is so hard to navigate. Last time, I was completely blindsided by the guy I fell for. Is that happening again? Maybe he didn’t like my opinion on him staying at his house. Normally, I’m not quite so brazen with my thoughts. I finally feel comfortable enough with Randall that I no longer feel I need to filter them.
“What’s the matter, Amelia?” The oven door opens, and I’m sure she’s putting the brownies in to cook. Unless she had a secret batch already in there, and is taking them out. I didn’t smell any chocolate when I came into the kitchen, though.
“Why are boys so confusing?” I groan, and lay my head on the kitchen table. The urge to bang my head against it a few times is there, but I don’t do it. That wouldn’t make the jumbled thoughts in my head suddenly form something intelligible. And, it would just give me a headache, or worse, a bruise on my forehead from the frustration.
The chair beside me is pulled back from the table, and she sits down. “I take it this has something to do with Randall.”
“Everything was going great. We have a real connection. One I’ve never felt before.” Sitting up, I face my aunt. “Last weekend I saw him and his dad get in a fight, and his dad said some pretty shitty things. We talked a bit when he drove me home from the lake, since then… he hasn’t been talking to me as much, and I can’t help but wonder if I did something that may have upset him.”
“Mija,” Lucia grabs my hand. “That boy has lived a hard life. I’m sure you didn’t do anything intentionally. He’s probably scared of change. Anything, especially if it’s different from his normal, is going to be terrifying. Even if it’s something good. Give him time, he’ll come around.” She gets back up from the chair. “I need to make a few more desserts for tonight.”
“Are you trying to send us all to the dentist?” I laugh. “Why are you making so many sweet things? It’s not like there are going to be a ton of people here.”
“I know that. Some of those people will be guys, who eat a lot, though,” she nods like that explains everything. “Trust me. These kids have been cleaning me out of food since they were little. It’s good to be over prepared for their appetites.”
Rolling my eyes, I stand. Being in this house isn’t doing anything for my mood. It may be hot as hell outside, but anything is better than staying inside and dwelling on my thoughts. “If you say so. Is Uncle Jason outside?”
“Yeah, he’s getting the grill ready.” She gives me a knowing look, and grins. “Go do something productive. It’ll help you keep your mind off things until you get a chance to see your boyfriend today.”
I practically run away from the sickly-sweet smell of the kitchen. Sliding the back door open, I’m hit with another aroma. Wood being burned in the grill. It’s one of the things I love about my uncle’s grilling skills. He doesn’t use a gas grill despite the ease of it.
Following my nose, I find Uncle Jason bringing more wood over to the grill for when he runs out. “Do you need any help?”
Small wood logs slip from his hands, and land on his foot. “Son of a bitch, that hurts.” He turns toward me. “You scared the hell out of me. I thought your cousin was the only one capable of sneaking up on people. Maybe I should put a bell around the two of you so you can’t creep up on me.”
“Someone has jokes today,” I laugh. “And I can tell you right now exactly how Tonya would feel about you putting a bell on her.”
“It definitely wouldn’t go over very well.” He picks the wood off the ground and stacks them neatly next to the grill. “Did you say you were looking for something to do?”
“Oh,” I say. “Um, yeah. I wanted to see if you needed help with anything for the party.”
“Running away from your thoughts?” He chuckles.
“How did you -” I begin asking but he cuts me off.
“You and Tonya are so much alike it’s unreal. The only time I’ve ever seen Tonya actively look for something to do is when she’s trying to get out of her head.” When he sees the fear play across my face, because I’m not talking about Randall to my uncle, he continues. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask. I trust that you’ll do whatever you think is best in the end.”
“So, what do you need me to do?” I bounce on my toes, ready to use some of the pent-up energy on something productive.