“Can we talk about this later? We had a fun time in there, and I don’t want to ruin with talks about my dad.” Running my hand through my hair, I sigh.
“Nope.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “We’re going to talk about it now.” She lifts my shirt up and gasps. “Did he do this to you?”
“It wasn’t intentional,” I confess. “He tried to hit me, lost his balance and started wildly swinging.” Her knowing how horrible my dad can be is that last thing I want, but she deserves to know the shit show she is getting into by being with me. “I was trying to pin his arms to his sides, and he elbowed me by accident a few times. I’m fine though.” Pressing lightly on my skin, I do my best to make her believe it. “It doesn’t even hurt.”
And it doesn’t, not really. The physical things will heal. It’s my mind that’s a fucking a mess. The pain Mom caused when she left is still felt by both of us. I only wish he wouldn’t continue to damage his health to numb his feelings. That lesson was learned back in high school. There is still a small part of me that’s waiting for Amelia to bail on me, too. Keeping my guard partially up so I’m not destroyed when she decides she can’t handle being with me. Or, I do something to inevitably screw up what we have.
“It doesn’t matter if it hurts or not,” Amelia protests. “He’s your parent and shouldn’t be laying hands on you. Period.”
My eyes are focused on the steering wheel. I don’t even have the guts to look at her. “Not everyone has the perfect family.”
“This isn’t about having a perfect, or imperfect, family, Randall. You really need to talk to your dad about his drinking problem.” She’s quiet for a few seconds. She’s not done. “Or maybe you should move out of the house so you won’t be exposed to his bad days.”
“I can’t do that, Amelia. He’s myfather. There isn’t anyone around to take care of him besides me. If I leave, he won’t be able to pay rent. Or worse, he’ll do something stupid, and end up hurting himself. As much as I detest him most days, if anything happened, I would never forgive myself.” That is the cold truth in all of this. I’m stuck. There is no other path for me. Not unless I can talk him into going to rehab. He’s proud, though. The last time I brought up the possibility, he refused to admit he had a problem. That was the day I gave up any hope of having a normal life. Untilher.
“Just promise you’ll at least think about it if things get rougher than they are.”
“I promise,” I mumble while trying once again to put the car in reverse.
“Look me in the face and promise me, Randall,” she raises her voice. “It doesn’t count if I can’t see your eyes.”
Bringing my gaze to hers, I hold eye contact while saying the words she wants to hear. “I promise I’ll think about it.” It’s the first and only lie I’ll tell her because no matter how bad it gets, I can’t give up on the man that’s raised me while trying to deal with his own heartbreak. Even if he is a selfish asshole for closing himself off completely.
“Good,” she nods. “Now, let’s go get my victory ice cream. Arguing with you is hard work.”
“You’re the boss,” I grin. Grateful she’s changed the subject, I finally reverse out of the parking lot, and turn onto the main road that runs through town. Getting her ice cream for kicking my ass is definitely a better way to end this night than arguing about my dad. I would do anything to keep her smiling the way she is right now.
Thirteen
Amelia
"Areyou ready for book club tonight?" Tonya asks over the phone. It’s my lunch break right now, and I would much rather be talking to Randall. It's not that I don't love my cousin, but I'm going to see her in a few hours. Randall and I haven't seen each other since we went bowling on Monday. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him. We are living in the same town, and we can’t manage to find the time to hang out. Only talking over the phone is getting old.
Twirling my fork in my bowl of spaghetti, I sigh. "Sure. What are we going to do besides nerd out?"
"You don't sound very excited," Tonya mutters. "It's nothing crazy or super involved. All we do is sit around at Brew’s Clues, and pretend to talk about a book none of us have read.”
Dammit, I actually finished it. "So, if none of you have read the book, why have a book club?” The whole thing seems asinine. Normally, things like this wouldn't bother me. Except I actually took the time to read that book. It wasn't even something I would normally enjoy, and while I didn't love it, it didn't put me to sleep either. That's a plus because I'm really not a reader.
"It's just an excuse to leave the house and drink copious amounts of coffee without the other halves griping about being bored."
I stop spinning the fork in my hand. “Wait. All of this to get away from your husband?"
"Of course not,” she laughs. “I love being around Reaf, but I also need to remember that I’m more than just a mom and wife. It’s time carved out forme.” She lets out a breath. “You’ll understand when you are settled down. You’re still in that new puppy love phase.”
“I happen to like this stage. Thank you very much,” I snap. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. It’s just I haven’t even seen Randall since Monday, and I’m getting a little antsy. Since all the crap with Andrew, I second guess everything.”
“Everything is fine,” she reassures me. “Randall can be a pain in the ass sometimes. If there’s anything I’ve learned about him in all the years I’ve known him, it’s that he’s incredibly loyal.”
What she’s telling me should make me feel better, but it doesn’t stop the doubt from creeping in. From taking over every single thought that passes through my mind. “I’ll take your word for it.”
“You should,” she says. “I’ve known him for pretty much my whole life. Even if I had my reservations about you being close to him in the beginning, I like seeing you happy. You’re moreyouthan you have been in months. It’s a good change.”
A quick glance at the clock on the wall, tells me I need to get back to work. “My lunch break is almost over. I should probably get off the phone so I can finish shoveling food in my mouth.”
“Sounds good,” she chirps. “Do you want me to pick you up, or are you going to meet us there?”
That’s a good question. If I ride with Tonya, I’ll be stuck there until she’s ready to leave. If I drive myself I might be able to duck out early. “I’ll meet you there. Do I need to even bother bringing the book I read for nothing?”