I walk toward them, taking my time. Reaf notices me first, and simply nods in my direction. Tonya is getting Layla out of the stroller and placing her on the blanket with a myriad of toys. Why does she need so many toys? It’s not like she’s mobile, yet. But, I’m going to keep my mouth closed on that subject. I don’t really have to right to voice my opinion when I’m just now getting to know my daughter.
“Hi, guys,” I wave awkwardly. My smile feels bigger than normal, and maybe slightly maniacal. I straighten my lips some so I don’t freak them out.
Tonya beams. “Hi, Jake. We were just getting things situated.”
Her smile is just as weird as mine was. I wonder if she had doubts that I would show up today. I know I’ve had my moments, but I told her I’d be here. “How’s little Miss Layla doing this morning?”
I lie down on my stomach on the opposite end of the blanket so that she can see me when she lifts her head. She’s on her belly, tiny fingers reaching toward the toys Tonya laid out in front of her. Picking up the ring toy next to my hand, I scoot it closer to her until her fingers wrap around it. She immediately shoves the toy in her mouth, working her gums over it.
I rear back, not sure what to do. I look up at Tonya with wide eyes, and she’s laughing at me. She thinks putting her hand over her mouth hides it, but it doesn’t. “What do I do?”
“Nothing,” she says through a chuckle, trying to get her laughter under control. “All of her toys are basically fair game for her to chew on. Well, not really chew since she doesn’t have teeth, but it soothes her.”
“Oh, okay,” I reply. “As long as it’s not harmful, then she can chew to her heart’s content.”
I’m happy just being in her space. Tonya and Reaf leave us so I can have a little bit of quality time with Layla. I make faces at her, and even speak in that annoying baby talk, doing everything I can to make her smile. Snapping pictures of her toothless grin, soaking in these moments. She may not remember them, but I will.
All of a sudden Layla starts whimpering, then full on crying. I glance around trying to spot Tonya. Her and Reaf are on the swings making googly eyes at each other. “Um, Tonya,” I call out. “She’s getting angry, and I don’t want her to turn into the baby version of The Hulk.”
Tonya starts walking toward us, Reaf right behind her, checking her watch. “She’s probably hungry.”
I watch in fascination as Tonya prepares Layla’s bottle. She even has this little contraption that heats the milk up. She’s definitely a pro at this whole parent thing in my eyes.
She’s checking the temperature of the milk on her wrist. “Do you want to feed her?”
I’m not sure if I do. How do I do this? But I don’t want to miss anything else with my little girl so I take the bottle while Tonya picks her up to hand her to me. I cradle her in my arms, putting the bottle to her lips, but she’s not having it. I lift her a little higher, sniffing to see if she might be dirty, but she’s not. Her diaper doesn’t feel weighed down. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong.
Reaf swoops in. “Do you want me to hold her while Tonya gets situated to feed her?”
I don’t know what else to do, so I just nod, and lift my arms out for him to take her. Barely a few seconds have passed, and she’s quieted down. A few whimpers escaping her lips.
Reaf passes Layla to Tonya so she can eat, and I’m quietly hurting. I know it’s not his fault. I know I shouldn’t get mad that Layla calms down when someone she’s been around her entire three and a half months of living holds her, but it’s hard. Seeing my baby girl find comfort in someone that’s not me…it’s like a punch to the gut.
I look at Reaf. I’m not really mad at him, just at the situation. The way his shoulders sag, and the way he’s avoiding looking at me, tells me he feels horrible. That right there is why I’m grateful that out of all the guys out there, me included, she picked someone who’s sensitive to how others feel.
I slowly stand up. Not really wanting to leave, but also not wanting them to see how much I’m bothered by what happened. “I’m going to head out.”
“Are you sure?” Tonya’s frowning. Not because she’s upset I’m leaving, but because I think she knows how I’m feeling. Hell, she may even be proud of me for not letting my frustration get the best of me.
“Yeah, I’ve got a couple of things I need to do,” I shrug. I’m trying for nonchalant, but I know I’m not pulling it off.
I bend down to kiss Layla’s head. Telling them bye, I turn for my truck. I’ve never been one to cry, but I’m fighting back the liquid pooling in my eyes. Wishing I would have gone about this differently from the beginning.
Twelve
Charleigh
There is absolutelynothing that can bring me down today. I have my first actual client coming into the shop in an hour. I’m practically bouncing off the walls I can barely contain my excitement. I need to bring it down a notch or she may spot me for the newbie that I am.
I grab the broom and begin sweeping the main room, glancing around to see what else needs to be straightened up. Anything to work off some of this nervous energy. At this point I don’t even care what tattoo I’m doing, I’m just happy to finally be putting ink on someone.
The swish of the broom across the floor seems to be doing the trick, but my mind starts wandering to Jake. He texted me Saturday night like he said he would, but we didn’t really go back and forth too much. He was tired, and we were swamped with people walking in. That hasn’t happened in a while, but there is an arts festival going on, so we get an influx of customers when other shops have to turn them away.
We had so many we were having to do the same. My night was full of giving people forms to fill out, making copies of their licenses, and making sure Corey, Bianca, and Adrian had everything they needed. By the time I got home I was exhausted. I collapsed on my bed without even changing.
I was surprised to get an actual phone call from Jake yesterday. He doesn’t strike me as the type to spend hours on the phone, but we did. He sounded a little sad, though. I didn’t want to press him about it because we’ve only been on one date, but I can’t help feeling like something major happened. I wanted to console him, but I didn’t know how to do that without knowing the reason why.
Bianca’s sudden appearance stops me in my tracks. I will not let her put me in a funk before my appointment.