Less than a minute later, Cami breezes past me bumping into my shoulder on the way to her car. As much as she annoys me, I admire her ability to not care what people say or think.
Tonya is making her way toward the front door and all my annoyance is replaced with nervousness. The last time I was here I made an ass of myself, and I’m hoping today isn’t a repeat of that spectacular performance.
“Hi, Jake,” she takes Cami’s spot leaning against the door. She’s trying to appear relaxed, but her back is ramrod straight, and I can practically feel the apprehension coming off her in waves.
I pull my shirt away from my chest, trying to keep it from sticking to my skin in the early morning heat.
“Can we, um, talk?” I ask, shoving my hands into my pockets.
“Sure,” she swings her arm to her side, allowing my entrance.
“Where’s Layla?”
“She’s taking her morning nap. She’s been up since about six this morning.” She yawns, and I feel bad for barging in unannounced. I should have let her know I was coming.
I take a seat in the recliner. I don’t miss the fact that she’s sitting on the sofa as far away from me as possible. Her legs curled under her, waiting to see what I’m here to say.
Looking around the living room, trying to kill time, I notice it’s still pretty much the same. The only difference being the baby toys and pacifiers strewn throughout.
I pick up the pacifier sitting on the coffee table, playing with the small handle to give my hands something to do before I look up at her. “I’m not going to beat around the bush.” I pause, “I want to be in Layla’s life.”
Tonya scoffs. “Are you sure? Because the last time I saw you, you were speeding off down the road when I was trying to talk to you.”
My shoulders sag. I wish I could take the blanket settled on the back of the recliner and hide beneath it. That’s preferable than trying to validate my actions. Especially, when I can’t.
“I know, and I’m sorry.” I set the pacifier back on the table. “I freaked out. I knew I would see you and Reaf while I was home for Spring Break. But then…then I saw him pick up Layla, and I got mad. I had no right to get angry, but I was just the same. I didn’t want to do anything to ruin your day, so I did the only thing I could. I left.”
Tonya pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. “I can respect the fact that you know you were in the wrong. But, Reaf is going to be a major part of Layla’s life. He’s the one that’s been here and been supportive. Hell, he’s even changed her dirty diapers.”
I’m about to argue. She chose him instead of me. The words are on the tip of my tongue. I don’t say them, though. Being a jealous asshole isn’t going to win me any favors. And, honestly, she was right to not take me back. I wasn’t ready to be the man she needed, and we are totally different people.
“I know. And, I’ll work on my jealousy.” I clasp my hands together to keep them from balling into fists. “I just want to be a part of Layla’s life. I want her to know that even though I screwed up for the first few months of her life, I don’t regret her.”
A tiny cry comes from a speaker beside Tonya. I didn’t realize she had anything beside her. “Sounds like sleeping beauty has woken up.”
Tonya stands to go check on our daughter. “Can I…can I see her?”
Tonya nods. “She’s probably in a grouchy mood. Even though she wakes up at the crack of dawn, she is not a morning person.”
She leads me into what used to be the spare bedroom, and it’s been completely transformed. Instead of the beige walls with white trim, there’s a solid bright yellow wall. The others are painted an off-white color, and princess signs hang all over the room.
“Wow,” I say. “That’s a lot of pink and yellow.”
Tonya shrugs. “It started out just yellow. The rest just kind of exploded after we found out Little Bean was a girl.” She crosses the room, pulling out a diaper and container of wipes, setting them on a table that has a pad on top of it.
I take that time to peek over the edge of the crib. Layla is lying there, fists curled, small cries spilling from her lips. She has on a onesie that says, “Future Bush Fan.” I roll my eyes, only Tonya would force her love of Gavin Rossdale on our child.
“She’s not going to bite you, you know?” Tonya says. “She literally can’t because she doesn’t have any teeth. Go ahead and pick her up.”
I laugh. I mean she obviously can’t bite me. I’m not a moron. But the thought of picking up a tiny human is terrifying. What if I do it wrong, or drop her?
I reach into the crib and place my hands under arms before lifting her to my chest. Tonya moves one of my hands to just under her neck. “This will help stabilize the upper part of her body a bit.”
She’s not wrong. Even though it appears Layla has some control of her head, she’s squirmy. I move her close to me and bounce walk across the room to the table. Tonya slides her out of my arms and makes quick work of changing her diaper.
I’m in awe. Number one because for such a little person she has a foul-smelling diaper. But also, because Tonya handles her with such surety, like she’s had years of practice instead of three months.
She disposes of the diaper, then holds Layla in my direction. I quickly take her. Pulling her to me once again. My heart has never felt as full as it does in this moment. This is the first time I’m seeing my daughter, but already she has me wrapped around her finger.