Prologue
The streetsof Asheville are bustling. People are walking down the street staring into shop windows as if they don’t have a care in the world. I wish I could say the same. I wish guilt didn’t eat away at me, especially now, as I watch Tonya and Reaf walking down the sidewalk holding hands.
That should be me. I should be the one with my arms wrapped around Tonya and focusing on our baby girl. But…she chose him. I can understand why, but it doesn’t stop the jealousy from bubbling up in my gut. It doesn’t keep the anger from rising to the surface. I knew what I would see if I came home from school, but I still decided to come back and torture myself by watching them together. Asheville is a small town, and there’s no way I would be able to avoid them completely.
Tonya and Reaf stroll down Main Street, glancing through shop windows, pushing a stroller in front of them. A stroller that holds my child. My beautiful baby girl, Layla. I really don’t have any right to call her mine. I mean, she is biologically, but I haven’t been here for her or Tonya. At least, not in any way that put me in a good light. I gave up that right when I asked Tonya to give me time to adjust to the knowledge that I have a child.
They stop in front of a baby boutique, hands pressed to their foreheads, trying to see through the glare in the window. Reaf bends down, and when he stands up again, he has Layla cuddled up against his chest. I don’t know what they are shopping for, but I’m not a fan of how cozy they look together.
I clench my hands together until they are curled into fists. I can feel my face heating, and my breathing is becoming labored. I’m struggling to get my anger under control, but it’s hard. I shouldn’t be this enraged, but that’s my kid he’s holding. My kid he’s playing father to.
I quickly turn the corner putting them out of my line of sight. I need to calm down, but I know seeing them together, as afamily, isn’t going to accomplish anything. I shouldn’t have come back. I could be in my dorm right now playing Madden with the guys. But, no…I’m storming off like a fucking child because I can’t handle the repercussions of my decision to not be in Layla’s life yet.
I wasn’t ready for that responsibility. Hell, I’m still not ready but I want to be. Not only for Layla but for myself. I want to have the strength to do this whole co-parenting thing that Tonya kept on about.
I shove my way through people milling about enjoying their Spring day, while I’m in turmoil. I’m pretty sure I hear someone holler my name, but I don’t turn around. If Tonya is chasing after me, I won’t be able to handle it.
Finally seeing the outline of my car, I pick up the pace. Hitting the key fob at the same time as I grab the handle, I yank the door open and slide into the car. I check both ways before pulling out of the parking spot and into traffic.
In my rearview mirror I see Tonya standing at the edge of the sidewalk disbelief written all over her face. I feel a stab of guilt that I’ve hurt her once again, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m going to run home, grab my stuff and head back to the dorms. I’m not ready to face this.
One
Jake
Tossingmy bag onto the bed, I examine my room. I’m not sure what I’m expecting, it all looks exactly the same as it did when I hauled ass out of Asheville in the middle of Spring Break. My bed is neatly made, corners tucked in, with the afghan my grandmother knitted folded at the bottom. My football trophies line the shelves on the light brown wall adjacent to my bed, and my desk sits empty except for a few pieces of paper stacked neatly in the corner.
I grimace when I take it all in. I assumed my parents would have repurposed, or at least repainted, this room. It’s not like I’m here all that much. I’d be perfectly fine sleeping in the guest room, but it appears they want to keep my childhood room exactly like it is, stuck in a weird sort of time capsule.
Luckily, neither of them are home right now, and I couldn’t be more grateful. The in-person lecture about taking off when I was last home can be put off for just a bit longer. To say they weren’t amused with my sudden need to leave is an understatement. They don’t understand why I allowed Tonya to affect me.
But, they don’t understand. They were married for a few years before they had me. As soon as they found out Tonya was pregnant they wrote her off as a troubled girl that should have known better. Apparently in the eyes of Mom and Dad, it only takes one to get pregnant. I can’t help rolling my eyes at the thought. The real reason they are pissed is because we aren’t together anymore, and I asked for time. They are more worried about how that makes them look than they are about the well-being of their grandchild.
I’m not sure how they even sleep at night without a care in the world about how Layla is doing. People may think I’m living the dream at school, but they would be wrong. I spend most nights regretting my choices. Wondering if things would be different had I not been such an asshole to Tonya for so long, even when I was trying to get her to take me back.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I sit on the edge of my bed, the mattress dipping under my weight. There’s nothing to do here. This town is too damn small. I’m pulling up my contacts when I get a notification that Tonya has shared something on her Facebook profile. Call me a stalker, I don’t really care.
I pull up the app to see what Tonya has posted today. The first image is Layla sitting in a baby swing with the biggest, toothless, smile I’ve ever seen. I feel a stab of pain in my gut, wishing I was there to see it in person. I scroll further down and want to throw my phone across the room. It’s a picture of Layla, Tonya and Reaf cuddled together on the hammock her parents have in their backyard. The caption says “ready for summer fun.”
It’s almost like she is trying to shove her happiness in my face. I know that’s ridiculous. She doesn’t do it on purpose, but it’s a sucker punch just the same. I don’t have anywhere to run away to this summer. I’m going to have to deal with this eventually. But not right now. I’m going to take a nap and see what the guys are up to tonight. There’s no use sitting in my room moping over something I can’t control.
* * *
“This town sucks,”I groan into my beer. There’s absolutely nothing to do here. We could go to Dallas, but it’s not like we could drink anywhere there. I just want to forget. I don’t want to feel anything right now. We end up in one of the fields we used to throw our high school parties in. The same spot where I screwed up and Tonya walked out of my life.
My mood didn’t improve after the nap. I’m still groggy and frustrated over the whole situation. Maybe frustration isn’t the right word, it’s more fear than anything else. How am I supposed to face Tonya and her new little family unit? I’m going to have to figure something out or this summer is going to be a game of evasion.
“Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?” Dylan yells from the fire pit. “You’re being all dramatic staring off into space.”
“Nothing, man,” I reply. “Just thinking about some stuff.”
Randall jumps in. “Please don’t tell me you’re thinking abouther.”
I jump off the truck’s tailgate, beer sloshing out of the can and over my hand. Damn, that’s all I need is to smell like booze when I finally make it home.
“Lay off him, Randall,” Marshall calls out. “He has a lot of shit he’s gotta deal with.”
“I don’t think anyone asked for your input, Marsh,” Randall shoots back.