THEair outside was sweet and cool. It felt like heaven on Julia’s sweaty skin. Or it would have if she could feel anything but numb horror. She had told Max she loved him. She had never, under pain of death, said that to anyone besides her sister and somehow looking at him those three words justslippedfrom her tongue. Make that four words. Apparently a mere “I love you” wasn’t powerful enough, she’d had to sayI fucking love you.
Julia shuddered, tugging on her flannel. Judging from the acute discomfort on Max’s face, she should just go home. She kept seeing his horrified expression over and over again, the way he’d grimaced like what she’d said was physically repulsive.
If she left now, she could be home in minutes. She could crawl under her covers, pretend this weekend had been nothing more than a bizarre mistake and quietly let her relationship with Max go back to the way it was. Non-existent.
That would be better than what she was sure was coming if she stayed.
It was a gorgeous night. The sky was pale pink and gold and crickets loudly chirped their cheerful serenade. Julia sat on the hood of her filthy car and watched the sun set, a dull ache in her chest. She’d told Max she loved him under a sunset that neither of them could see. The idea was wildly depressing.
Max and Henrietta remained in the police station for a long time; she was close to dozing off when they finally appeared. Henrietta was chatting animatedly to Max, seemingly unconcerned about the stolen whiskey, oral intercourse, and general seedy nakedness she’d uncovered. Neither of them looked at her as Max walked Henrietta over to her red Honda Civic, kissed her on her cheek, and helped her inside.
Julia’s entire body throbbed with the sickly pulse of a bruise. She couldn’t remember ever being so nervous.
Henrietta drove away and Max turned toward her with a look of incredible weariness. “You’re still here.”
Julia slid off the hood of her car. “Yeah, I thought I was waiting for you.”
Max walked toward her as though each of his feet weighed a ton. It was remarkable how quickly he’d become a stranger again. A stern, black-haired man who was undoubtedly someone else’s friend, someone else’s lover, but nothing at all to her.
“Henrietta’s agreed to keep everything off the record.”
“You used your body to get ahead Connor? Pretty sleazy.”
Max looked at his car as though all he wanted to do was jump in and haul ass in the opposite direction. “Yeah, we got lucky.”
“So, um…did you still want to hang out?”
Max’s eyes were like a blackboard wiped clean. Nothing to read here, folks.
“Look…this past day has been—well, it’s been pretty fucked up, and I think we should just…”
“Be friends? You’re giving me the ‘let’s just be friends’ speech?"
“I was going to say forget this ever happened.”
“And how long have you been composing this little speech? While you were hugging me and spinning me all around the room and asking me back to your place?”
Max sighed as though this was going just as badly as he’d known it would. “It’s bad enough Henrietta found out about us. Do you know what would happen if the inspector knew? Or your boss?”
Julia had known this was coming but she was damned if Max was going to get away with those feeble excuses. “Or the man on the moon? That’s rubbish, Max. Cops date each other all the time and no one bats an eyelid.”
His eyebrows contracted. “This isn’t about us working together. It’s about the fact that what’s between us is never going further than this. In fact, it shouldn’t have fucking started at all.”
“So you didn’t want anything that happened in there?” She jerked her head toward the police station. “You’d take it all back if you could?”
“I do like you, Jules–”
“—but you’re patting me on the head and sending me on my way?”
Splotches of color appeared on Max’s cheeks, his blasé veneer slipping away with the sunset. “I let my attraction to you get the better of me and I’m sorry about that but I’m not going to keep sleeping with you.”
For the first time in her life, Julia wished she was taller. Tall enough to crush Max beneath her boots. “Tell mewhy,” she hissed. “Enough dancing around, just give me a reason.”
Max’s nostrils flared. “You just have to keep pushing me, don’t you? Fine, you want the truth? I’m too fucking old.”
Julia, who had been expecting a much more creative excuse, laughed out of shock. “You’re thirty-three and I’m almost twenty-five! As if anyone on Earth would care about that.”
“You don’t think people are going to notice the eight-year age gap?”