“Fuck the contract.” He pauses and seems to try to temper his tone. “This is your choice, and if Azazel or anyone else thinks they can force your hand, I’ll kill them.”
I blink, my panic skidding off the rails. “You can’t just murder someone on my behalf.”
“I promised to keep you safe.”
“But...” Why am I arguing? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. “But if you have a baby with a human, that will benefit your territory.”
“Fuck my territory.” His hands tighten briefly on my shoulders again. “You are not a pawn, Lina. You’re not a womb to be utilized or a body to be used for others’ benefits. You are a person, and you get to choose what you want.”
He’s saying all the right things. Why does it hurt so much? “You’ll resent me no matter what I do.”
He shakes his head slowly. “No. I never intended to have children, but if you are with child and want to keep it, I will celebrate with you. If you are pregnant and don’t wish to be, I will go to Ramanu and discuss our options. My people have ways of dealing with such circumstances, but you’re human, and I won’t give you anything that might harm you.”
“Just like that,” I say faintly. My choice, and he’ll support me either way. “I’m sorry, Thane. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“It took two of us to get here.” Shame flashes across his face. “I should have discussed protection with you and ensured you were taken care of that way. I’m sorry.”
Despite everything, I laugh a little. “Trust us to be the only two people falling all over ourselves to apologize and take responsibility for this kind of thing.”
He smiles a little. “It is incredibly typical of us, isn’t it?”
I pull in a breath, and it almost feels like my lungs fill all the way despite what feels like an invisible band wrapped around them. No blame. He’s not accusing me of anything or being shitty. He’s simply giving me the choice to do whatIneed. I can do this. I know I can do this. “Please contact Ramanu.”
Thane nods. “Consider it done.”
I expect him to dive back beneath the water, but he moves deeper into the room. I watch him dig through a chest that looks like it was pulled from some ancient wreckage a million years ago. He finally straightens with a small mirror in his hand.
I lean forward, expecting some magical something or other, but Thane just taps a finger against it until I’m ready to scream at the sound. Just when I’m about to tell him to knock it off before I break the damned thing over his head, there’s a shift in the air and Ramanu pops into existence.
They curse and prop their hands on their hips. “You know, there are less annoying ways to get my attention.”
“I couldn’t risk you ignoring them.” Thane sounds as cold and distant as he did on the day I met him. “We need your assistance.”
“We...” Ramanu turns and focuses on me. They start to grin, but the expression falls right off their face. I can’t be certain, since they don’t have eyes and all, but I’m pretty sure they’re focusing on my lower abdomen. “Someone’s been busy.”
“I want it gone,” I blurt.
Ramanu opens their mouth, but Thane speaks first. “Think carefully before you start quoting the contract at us, demon. Forcing her to keep a pregnancy she doesn’t want is harm.”
“No shit.” They look absolutely disgusted. “I don’t know how they do things in this territory, but we would never force anyone to go through that.” They cross to me and take my hands curiously gently for the anger I can practically feel emanating from them. “Is this what you want?” they ask, so low that I have to strain to hear. “It’s your choice. Not his.”
Against all reason, I’m trying not to cry again. I’ve liked Ramanu since I met them, but I’m used to their cutting wit and irreverent attitude. This soft caring makes me feel wobbly, like the ground has shifted beneath my feet. “I want it gone,” I repeat.
“Okay.” They squeeze my hands, taking me at my word. “I have to retrieve someone who knows more about this sort of thing, and she’ll see you through the process.” They squeeze my hands again. “It will be quick and painless. I promise.”
“Thank you,” I say, voice thick.
With a faint pop that I feel more than hear, they’re gone, leaving me alone with Thane again. He moves closer but looks like he’s not sure if he should give me space or try to comfort me. A few weeks ago, I would have retreated, but... “Thane?”
“Yes, Lina?” He lifts his hands and then lets them drop back to his sides.
I drag in a breath, and then another. “I would really like you to hold me right now if that’s okay.”
He’s at my side in an instant, pulling me into his arms and hugging me tight. “I will be there with you the entire time. No harm will come to you. I promise.”
I bury my face in his chest and cling to him. I have no doubts this is the right call to make, but I’m already mourning the way it’s going to change our relationship.
How can it not?