It doesn’t matter. It’s inevitable.
I find Della in the kitchen first thing in the morning and relay my instructions. Perhaps I should leave again and return in twenty-four hours to enact my promise to Catalina, but there’s no point to a challenge that isn’t challenging. My presence seems to incite her as much as hers incites me. If she can manage to be... good... while spending the day with me, then I’ll reward her tomorrow night.
Anticipation licks through me, quickly followed by guilt. I shouldn’t be enjoying this woman. Her presence is something to be endured for the sake of the territory. She’s not a plaything to entertain myself with.
Even as I tell myself that, I make my way up the stairs to Catalina’s room. It’s different than the one from Ramanu’s first check-in. I had her moved to a lower part of the tower with a room better outfitted to serve her needs. If it also happens to be closer to the entrance pool, well, that’s simply coincidence. The door is a bit hidden when one is climbing the stairs, so she must have missed it during her first ascent.
I knock before I can find a reason not to.
Catalina doesn’t make me wait long, but when she opens the door, dark hair tumbled with sleep, clutching a robe around her, I wonder at the intelligence of this plan. She looks soft and touchable, but I must not touch her right now.
I move back. “Get dressed.”
She eyes the new distance between us and rubs her face. “It hasn’t been twenty-four hours.” Even her sleepy voice is enticing. Goddess, but I don’t understand what draws me to this woman. Why now, when I’ve finally settled into some semblance of normalcy?
“What is the point of a test if you’re not tested?”
She brightens, and the smile she gives is so true, it takes my breath away. “You’re going to spend the day with me? You mean it?”
My guilt grows, gaining layers. Guilt over letting her presence outshine the shadows of my past. Guilt for my obvious neglect. “I’ve ill-treated you, haven’t I? Why hasn’t the harm clause been enacted?”
“Oh, that. It’s not harm if it’s normal.” She waves it away, but she won’t quite meet my gaze. “I’m used to it.”
Used to it.
So much encompassed in those three little words. I can’t go back and change my actions in the past few weeks, but I can change them going forward.
Selfish. You want her, and you’re looking for an excuse.
Yes. Yes, it’s true.
“You shouldn’t be used to it,” I grind out.
Catalina tucks a long strand of dark hair behind her ear. “I don’t suppose we can leave the tower?”
“No.” I hate the way her face falls, hate even more the way she smiles to cover her disappointment. “Tomorrow,” I find myself saying. “I’ll take you out.”
She narrows her eyes. “Is there a caveat on this offer? Are you going to tell me to be good or that I have to scrub the entire tower before I can leave?”
“Do you view both of those things as equally impossible tasks?”
“Of course.” She turns and gives me a sultry look over her shoulder. “I think you’ll find I’mnevergood, Thane.” Catalina shuts the door in my face before I can come up with a suitable response.
It’s just as well. My only response would be to drag her to me and kiss that smart mouth of hers. I shake my head slowly. I tasked her with being good, but the true challenge might be formenot to give in out of sheer desire.
I head to the formal dining room that hasn’t been used in goddess knows how long.Five years.Annis waits there, her hands clasped in front of her. She squeaks a little when she sees me. “Everything will be ready soon, sir.”
“Please go wait until Catalina is ready and then escort her here.” I make my tone as gentle as I can, but she still jumps as if I poked her with a sharp stick.
I bite back a sigh and sink into a wide seat at the head of the table. Ever since I reached my age of majority and stepped into a leadership role within the territory, I’ve been achingly aware of the power imbalance between myself and my people. A power imbalance that my poor social skills only seem to exacerbate. I don’t have Embry’s easy charm. Ze is beloved by our people. Though they aren’t exactly counting down the days until I step down, there’s sure to be a celebration when I finally do.
If Azazel hadn’t issued his invitation that was impossible to refuse, it would have been this year. But Embry insisted I be the one to go. Ze is still worried about me.
Embry is ready. Truth be told, ze has been ready for years. I suspect ze encouraged me to keep my position solely because ze was afraid of what I might do if I didn’t have something to keep me going after Brant’s death. I wish I could say ze had nothing to worry about, but my grief in that first year made me into a person I didn’t recognize. I was never the most emotional person, but it was like losing him took away what little I had. I went completely numb.
It still hasn’t worn off. Not entirely.
Footsteps bring me back to myself. I look up as Catalina walks into the dining room. She’s somewhat tamed her hair, and she’s wearing a gown similar to the one she had on last night. This time it’s a pale gray, the clasps at the shoulders a pretty silver that seem to beg to be touched. To be undone.