Plain bread. Catalina has been treated as a prisoner for a week, and I had no idea, because I wasn’t here. I had been so concerned about putting some distance between us—between the man I become when I’m near her—that I hadn’t stopped to consider the implications.
I have no one to blame but myself.
“Put together a true meal,” I grind out. “And clean another room for her, Annis.” I can’t blame them for the clothing situation any more than I can blame them for misunderstanding the reason I brought Catalina here. There are no clothes here that would fit a human. We only bother with cloth garments for special occasions, and even then, only the ones that won’t happen underwater. It’s a tradition holdover from when we interbred with humans more freely. They have strange ideas about nudity.
I head back the way I came, my thoughts already consumed by making this right. I’ll have to ask Embry bring over more clothing. I’m so distracted, I almost miss Ramanu stepping into the hallway.
They don’t look happier to see me than I am to see them. “She wants to stay.”
“Why?” I say it before I think better of my question. I want Catalina to stay, of course. Her leaving means losing everything I’ve fought to make ready for Embry. It means forcing my people to submit to a bargainer demon as a leader. I do not want that outcome.
I also... don’t want Catalina to leave.
“She has her reasons,” they say shortly. They study me for a few beats. “I know you lost your husband a few years ago.”
Where are they going with this? “Five years ago.” So long, and yet no time at all.
“I’m sorry for your loss.” They almost sound like they mean it. “No one expects you to marry the woman, Thane. Just don’t treat her like a prisoner, or the next time I come here, I’m taking her back to Azazel—regardless of what protests she or you make. Do you understand me?”
“Yes,” I manage. I want to hate them for the threat, but it’s justified, and we both know it. “I understand.”
Ramanu studies me for a little longer, then nods. “You’d better.” They turn away. “I’ll see myself out.”
I wait until I can’t hear their footsteps any longer, and then I wait a while more until the wards ping as they move through them. Only then do I turn to the closed door between me and Catalina.
Apologizing is the right thing to do. I made a serious miscalculation, and she’s suffered for it. If she were anyone else, I’d already be in that room issuing my apology.
But she’s not anyone else. And... the woman gets under my skin like no one I’ve ever met. I loved Brant with everything I had, until it felt like our lives merged in a way I still haven’t recovered from, but he never drove me to the lengths Catalina can in just a few words.
And that’s from limited interactions. Will I even be the same man if I spend more time with her? Or will the fire of her presence banish the ghosts of my past?
Ghosts I’m not ready to release. Ghosts I don’t think I’lleverbe ready to release.
Brant was the love of my life. This human woman, who I’ve only known a short time, cannot replace that or take that away, but that doesn’t change the fact she affects me like no one else has since his death.
It scares me.
If I knock on this door, if she admits me, I don’t know how the interaction will go. Will we snipe at each other? Will we manage a normal conversation? Or will she provoke me and then entice me and then disable what little control I have when I’m around her?
I can still taste her on my tongue, hear her cries of pleasure ringing in my ears. My desire puts a tremor in my hands. I want to touch her with a ferocity that borders on need. I can’t guarantee I won’t do exactly that if we get close again.
Because I can’t guarantee it, I lower my fist and turn away from the door. Catalina’s needs will be seen to. I don’t need to be present to ensure it happens.
In fact, my absence will serve her further.
I turn and move away.
10
CATALINA
It has beenweekssince I’ve seen Thane. At least my treatment has changed significantly since Ramanu first arrived like a crimson wrecking ball. The food has become significantly more delicious, even if it leans heavily toward fish. Embry, Thane’s sibling and heir to the territory, arrived the next day with more clothing than I know what to do with. Very little of it is practical, but that’s fine.
I’m not a practical person.
Ramanu has been showing up every other day, and even though I know it’s out of pity, I don’t care. I’m starved for company, and their company is delightful.
Even if it’s not the company I crave.