“Such nonsense. Of course you can. You have to.”
“Why? I don’t love him.”
“This isn’t about love. It’s about political alliances. Haven’t you learned as much yet? His family is a good ally to have.”
“So what I want doesn’t matter?”
“You will learn to be happy with him, daughter.”
“Will I? Even if I loved him, his mother and sister dislike me and his father… I think he likes me a little too much.”
“You learn to live with your in-laws, child. It’s the way it is. It’s your duty.”
“My duty is to myself. My duty is to be happy. I’m not a queen. I’m a lesser princess. Nothing will change if I marry someone else. Surely Iason’s kingdom can’t be that important.”
She laughs incredulously. “We have trade accords. And with this marriage, we will sign another deal for our wood in exchange for fine wool. This is too important to ignore.”
“More important than my happiness?”
“You’ll be happy enough. You read too many books.”
“Everyone keeps saying that. I think that the problem is you don’t read enough!”
My mother’s face, an older reflection of mine, hardens. “You will be ready to say yes when he proposes tomorrow. You will not dishonor us with your behavior. There had better not be another man you’re seeing, making you act so impudently.”
“There is no man!”
Only of course there is, but the only reason that matters is that I’ve compared Iason to him and found Iason lacking. I fear that I could compare any man I know to Adar and get the same results.
I must be going insane…
“But you love him. Right?” Lily has her hands on her hips, one of her favorite postures when she is annoyed. “This sad face is simply your melodramatic face. Tell me what is wrong and I will fix it.”
“I don’t know if I love Iason, Lily.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? He’s given you gifts. He’s about to propose.”
“I know. It’s crazy. Maybe I’m not supposed to be in love with him instantly. Maybe love will come,” I say. “Not every love starts with a bang. Sometimes love comes more slowly.”
“That’s horseshit,” Lily says and I stare at her. “I mean, sure, love can come slowly, but the attraction, Selina… The attraction is like lightning, going right through you! Are you attracted to him?”
Lightning. That was how it was with Adar.
“How would you know how attraction feels?” I cast her a suspicious look. “I didn’t know you’d fallen in love.”
“I haven’t. But you hear the stories. And no, it’s not like the hopeless romances you read, those contrived, made-up stories written by men. Well, mostly. No, real tales of real people.”
“Tell me.”
“You’ll find yourself staring at the other person’s face, their eyes, their mouth… You’ll want to touch them, breathe them in, kiss them… You’ll want to talk to them, share your deepest secrets with them. That’s what being attracted is, what falling in love means. And then… later maybe, you’ll entrust them with your heart.”
“Now who’s the hopeless romantic? Maybe you should write some stories,” I whisper, but my heart is thumping hard because she’s describing everything I’ve felt with Adar.
And nothing I’ve felt with Iason.
“Writing romances is beneath a princess’ station,” Lily mutters. “And I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Well, what about this tale?” I wet my dry lips with my tongue. “A hopeless love. A girl struck by this lightning, this flame of love. She finds the other person’s face so beautiful, his body so perfect. She wants to breathe him in, touch him, kiss him. She wants…” I swallow hard. “She wants to open her heart to him, entrust him with it.”