His hand came up, touching his chest. “I am part demon, Kelsey mine, and you’ve always known that. I don’t have the perfect connection you and Trent have. He and your wolf have something I can’t even understand. I call to the human part of you—the messy, complicated, confused, and yet arrogant part of you. We’re never going to have that perfect peace you have with Trent, and once I would have walked away because I would have thought that was all you need. But damn it, I’m part of this too.”
“Then you shouldn’t have left them.”
He stopped, his eyes finding mine. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t out partying. I was trying to help our family, trying to keep the people we love safe. I love you, Kelsey, but the way you look at me right now I don’t know that you feel the same way. I might have made mistakes, but I meant well. I might still be fucked up, and maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re too together for me now.”
“Together? You think I’m together? I’m barely holding on because I lost twelve years, Gray.” The emotion was welling up inside me again. I’d hoped I’d purged it all that afternoon with Trent, but here it was, a river of anger and grief pressing against the dam I’d erected so I could function. “Twelve years. The little boy I fell in love with is a young man, and he’s struggled so much. I had to explain to the alpha of the North American packs that I would kill him if he tried to force our son to do something he didn’t want to do.”
“I know,” Gray said grimly. “I’ve tried to deal with them. Trent’s tried to handle the situation. They’re desperate, and no threat is going to stop them. One group wants to make him their king and the other wants him dead. I have spies in both camps, and don’t think I don’t walk through from time to time to remind them who the fuck they’re dealing with.”
“You’ve talked to them?” Somehow I’d gotten the impression that he’d become a watcher of sorts. It was what the heavenly prophet did. He watched and sometimes moved chess pieces around, but he didn’t fight for either side.
“Of course. When I’m not working with Lucifer or fulfilling my prophet duties, I watch over them. Since they came back to the Earth plane, I’ve tried to stay close even if the kids didn’t know I was there. You should know I killed a wolf who tried to murder Evan.”
“Good.”
“You don’t want the whole story?”
“I don’t need it. You took care of the situation and I thank you for it and hope you’ll do it again if you have to,” I explained. Knowing he’d been watching out for the kids even from a distance brought me some peace. When he’d described it, I’d somehow gotten it in my head that he forgotten about them, that he’d walked away and let Trent handle everything.
He stopped and sat on the stone wall that ran parallel to the path. “I couldn’t follow them off plane, and you can’t know how much that twisted me up. I suppose in those early days I reacted to being useless to the kids and Trent by consolidating power where I could. Have you considered that I now have a seat on the demonic council? That I have a say in what happens down there? That I have access to information that can help protect us all?”
“But you’re not allowed to use it.” I couldn’t imagine they truly trusted Gray, even with all the contractual obligations they had him under.
“I can find a way. I always do,” he said quietly. “I won’t let our family down, but I think you need to decide if you still want to be with me. I thought being able to work through my shame and be okay with my demonic side would make you happy. I thought the fact that Trent and I have become comfortable with being in a relationship would make you happy. Now I have to wonder.”
He was so beautiful and so frustrating, and he was wrong about this. I moved into his space, putting my hands on either side of that glorious face. “I hope you and Trent had all kinds of dirty, filthy, gorgeous sex while I was gone. More than that I hope you found comfort from each other. That’s what I’ve always wanted for the three of us. The world is upside down for me. I’m coming to realize that I’m not ready for this baby, but then I never would have been. There’s no way to be really ready for this. I thought I would be raising this baby in peace, and now he’s going to know war. He’s going to be born into a war I have to pray we can win. I’m catching up, and I don’t think I’m doing a great job of it.”
“We need some time together.” Gray’s hands found my waist. “I’m going to try to stay in Frelsi as much as I can. I’ve already made arrangements to move your family there. They’ll be in Frelsi next week, and they have guards watching over them until that time.”
“I appreciate that. I hope you can come with me when I go looking for the Days. My brother has a spy who I think will be able to help.” It was so much nicer to talk about the future with him. I was still processing all the history that had happened while I was gone, and I suspected that wouldn’t be over any time soon. “We need to figure out where Mia Day is, and I have some theories.”
“I can try to help find Mia. I can go anywhere I like, but I need a reason. I’ll think about it, but I’m sure I can find a way to help. I’ll also contact Jacob. He’s been quiet for years. I think he’s been ordered not to interfere. You should know there are factions on the Hell plane who oppose Myrddin’s plans. We can use those, too.”
I was starting to see that having some power in the enemy camp might not be the worst thing in the world. “All right. How about you hang around as long as you can and we’ll talk these things through.” I leaned over and kissed him because no matter how irritated I was, I couldn’t let him think I didn’t love him. I did. I loved him so deeply, but he was right. It was a harder relationship than the one I had with Trent—who was now irritated with me. “Hey and if you can put a good word in with Trent, I would appreciate it.”
He chuckled and drew me in closer. “I think all you have to do is give Trent some attention and he’ll get over it pretty fast. I’ll do the same. We have to go easy on him. We’re rough to live with on occasion. I want nothing more than to get to be your husband for a while, to take care of you, to watch our baby grow and be with Fenrir. I want us to be a family. I want it so badly I dream of it at night. Stupid, ordinary dreams about sitting down to dinner and watching movies together.”
He’d always wanted a normal life, and he’d ended up with me. “We can have some of that.”
“While you save the world.” His mouth found mine and he kissed me sweetly.
“And you reign over a portion of Hell.” I wasn’t the only one with a stressful job.
“A tiny portion,” he said between kisses. “Practically minute.”
I bet it wasn’t, but I was done arguing with him. I let him kiss me over and over until I remembered we were here to do a job.
I stepped back. “Come on. Let’s talk to these gnomes and figure this whole thing out so we can have a break before the next crisis.”
He stood and then his eyes went pure black.
I knew what that meant. “Don’t you dare. I do not need another fucking prophecy.”
He frowned, his whole body tightening. “Not another prophecy. The fulfillment of an important one, one begun long, long ago. Kelsey mine, I have to go.”
“No, you don’t.” He couldn’t leave me again. “Grayson Slone, you said…”
And he was gone.