“You don’t have to do that,” I said.
“It’s fine. I don’t have anything going on until dinner with you.” She waved me off. “Go on, Santa can’t be late to the party.”
I wanted to tell her to go, not to come in. But I also knew how much her help would mean to the shelter. The side door to the building opened, and a woman waved me in. I took one last look at Blakely and headed toward the door. As much as I didn’t want her to find out about my past, I couldn’t let the kids down.
* * *
Two hourslater I’d done the limbo, frosted sugar cookies, and played holiday Bingo. Every time I sought out Blakely in the crowd, she was holding a kid’s hand, helping someone with a craft project, or mixing another cup of cocoa to pass off to one of the women who lived at the shelter. There was no judgement in her eyes. Even though her outfit probably cost more than some of these women made in a month, she sat down on the floor just like everyone else while the kids performed a quick holiday play.
I stood to the side, waiting for my cue to step in front of the audience and wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Blakely sat in the middle of the group with a little boy wearing paper plate reindeer antlers in her lap. While they watched the kids deliver their lines, she smoothed her hand over the boy’s back. I could remember being not that much older than him and sitting in my own mom’s lap while other volunteers put on the holiday party.
My breath caught, and I wondered how my life might have turned out if my mom hadn’t fallen back into her old ways when we left the safety and security of the shelter.
Blakely looked over at me and offered a smile. I swallowed the emotion welling up in my chest and made myself grin back at her. We hadn’t even known each other twenty-four hours, but sometimes it didn’t take but a few minutes to see what was in a person’s heart. Based on what I’d gathered so far, Blakely’s heart was full of light. The kind of goodness that might have the power to exorcise the darkness inside a man like me.
“Ahem.” The little girl at the front of the room cleared her throat. “Then Santa said…”
I dragged my attention away from Blakely and let out a deep, loud “Ho, Ho, Ho. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”
The crowd of moms and kids clapped. I took my spot in the middle of the line up and directed the performers into a low bow.
The only thing left to do was hear everyone’s Christmas wishes. I sat down on the worn velvet armchair they rolled out every year while the kids lined up. Blakely put on a long stocking cap with a bell on the end and led the first kid in line over to me.
“Hey Santa, this is Lulu and she has a special Christmas wish for you.” She crouched down next to Lulu. “Do you want to sit on Santa’s lap or just stand next to him, sweetie?”
Lulu held her arms out so Blakely could settle her on my lap. She couldn’t be more than three of four. Her dark brown hair stuck out from her head in two spiky pony tails. The kid was adorable.
“What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?” Blakely asked.
Lulu turned to me, her big brown eyes growing wider as she brushed her little hand over my beard. “Can you bring my daddy home for Christmas?”
7
BLAKELY
“Do you play Santa at that party every year?” I asked as Kellan took the seat across from me at the hole-in-the-wall burger joint he’d had me stop at on the way back to my place.
“Every other year. My brother and I trade off.” He grabbed his mug by the handle and took a long draw on his beer. He’d changed into his t-shirt and jeans as soon as we pulled into the parking lot, but I could still picture him in the Santa suit.
“It must be difficult when kids ask for stuff Santa can’t deliver.” I could imagine how playing Santa at a place like the shelter could fill up a part of a person’s heart but also knock them down at the knees. “How did you get started volunteering there in the first place?”
Kellan’s fingers fiddled with the edge of a paper napkin. He’d been quiet since we left the shelter. Both of us had. “It’s been so long I can’t remember. Have you decided what you’re going to order?”
I held his gaze for a long beat. It felt like he was trying to change the subject, but I let it go. “Turkey burger for me. How about you?”
“The Bourbon Buzz Burger. Can’t go wrong with peppercorns, onion straws, and bourbon sauce.” His tongue swept out to lick along his bottom lip.
My ovaries might have shimmied as I wondered what it would feel like to have his tongue licking me instead. I squeezed my legs together, reminded of how I came undone last night as I pictured him moving inside me instead of a hunk of silicone. Afraid he could read my mind, I shifted my gaze to my menu. “That sounds delicious.”
Our server stopped by to take our order and saved me from trying to keep the conversation going. After she walked away, Kellan gestured to a vintage jukebox in the corner.
“Do you have any requests?” He pulled a few dollars out of his pocket. “Tell me your favorite song, and I’ll see if they have it.”
My favorite song… it had been a while since I’d given that some thought. “I don’t think I have a favorite.”
“How’s that possible?” Kellan asked.
“I don’t know. There are too many to choose from. Depends on my mood. Do you mean my favorite slow song or my favorite song to listen to when I’m driving? There are a lot of things to think about.”