Ashtyn
IthoughtSenioryearwas supposed to be easy, filled with electives and fun courses. A buffer before college and the real world knocked us all on our asses. It seemed my guidance counselor and Gilchrist Point High School’s resident “fixer” had other plans for me.
“This course load will make your college applications stand out, Ashtyn. I know you can handle it. You need this to make up for your lack of extracurriculars and sports,” Mrs. Teague explained with a smile that reached her eyes. She was young, probably close to thirty, and liked helping students. Even when they didn’t ask for it.
“I’m going to GPU, not Harvard. They will literally accept anybody. Is there a reason I need to take…” I skimmed my schedule again. “World literature? Chemistry? Calculus? Don’t even get me started on P.E. I mean other than Art with Mr. Reynolds, I’m going to be drowning in homework.”
The thought of spending hours every night on homework filled me with dread. I needed to work, and it would most certainly cut into my painting and reading time.
"But you love to read, I thought world literature would be right up your alley."
"I read romance novels, Mrs. T. Reverse harem, step-sibling, enemies to lovers, age gap. Shit like that. How does any of that apply to world literature?"
She sighed and adjusted her wire-rimmed glasses, her eyes scanning the screen in front of her. “Let me see. I can give you Shakespeare in place of chemistry, creative writing for world literature, and I’m sorry but you’re stuck with calculus. There are no other open classes for that hour. What do you say?”
“Do either of those come with any homework?”
“Little to none,” Mrs. Teague smiled again. “I’ll make the swaps and print out your new schedule. If you have any other questions, I’m always here to help.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Teague. I appreciate you doing this. It takes some anxiety off me,” I said as I grabbed my new schedule from the printer tray.
I left her office and power-walked to my locker. I refused to be late to class, especially on the first freaking day of school.
Thefirstpartofthe day had gone somewhat quickly, much to my surprise. First days were usually dull, but so far I enjoyed my new classes. I learned that the Shakespeare class had no homework–score–and that Bronx was in my P.E. class. Physical education. Barf. I wasn't looking forward to months of changing into gym clothes, sweating for an hour, having to change back into my street clothes, all while still sweating...but the silver lining: no homework and I got to spend a little time with Bronx.
Our friendship had been nonexistent since the whole thing went down with West, and I realized that it was unfair of me to shut Bronx out of my life because of it. Saturday at Aces had broken the frosty barrier that I had erected, and I was thankful for that.
Bronx still walked on eggshells around me. I sensed that he worried one sly comment would send me back into hiding, but I wasn't going to hide anymore. I didn't do anything wrong. Had I been embarrassed? Yes. But only because I let my guard down with West. I let him inside my heart and he burned me. West had warned me that he would hurt me, but being that I'm apparently a sadist, I threw all caution to the wind, ignored the many red flags, and let him have his way with me.
Big fucking mistake.
Was it though?It taught me a lesson, one that I burned in my brain and my heart.
Sex doesn’t equal love. Or even feelings. It was a hell of a lesson to learn at sixteen.
While I'd been with a few other guys since West, they didn’t mean anything to me. They were nice enough, but that was where it stopped. I wasn't about to fuck a friend and I sure as hell wasn't going to date a guy I fucked. It was just easier that way.Thanks for the lesson, West.
"Hello? Earth to Ashtyn!" Gabby snapped her finger in front of my face.
"What?"
"Haven't you heard a word I've said? They closed the library for lunch this year."
"What? Why?" My heart dropped to my stomach as I shoved my calculus book in my locker and slammed it shut.
"The librarian has to teach English during third and fourth period. Staff shortages or some shit, so they don't have anyone to man the place, which means we have nowhere to go for lunch.” Gabby twirled a piece of pink hair around her finger as she explained, nervous about my reaction to the news.
Gabby and I spent every lunch break and study hall hour in the library since sophomore year. We liked to tuck ourselves away in the back and read or chat. With the news of it being closed, dread filled my guts because I knew where we would end up.
The cafeteria.
"Look, it won't be that bad," said Gabby. "You told me you were done hiding, remember?"
"I wasn't hiding, I just liked not having to walk through the crowds to find an empty table. And then eat and feel like I'm getting stared at? It's so awkward."
I realized how ridiculous that sounded and decided I needed to put on my big girl panties and join the circus that was GPHS at lunchtime. We begrudgingly made our way down the hall to the loud raucous noise of the cafeteria where doom and gloom awaited.
Gabby put her arm through mine. "We got this, Ash. We're being thrust out of our comfort zones! This is a good thing."