His mom had sent him away to that damn school on a scholarship, cut him out of her life, and while it had crucified him at first, he could see now she’d done him a favour. She’d made him a stronger person than he would ever have been if he’d stayed in the Bronx. Who was to say he would ever have had the focus, the ambition or determination to make such a spectacular success of the raw talent he’d been given without those lonely years at Eldridge Prep? Families were messy, complicated, and the support his family had offered had always been conditional.
Plus he would never have met his best pal, Roman.
‘Yeah, that’s me,’ he said. ‘Self-sufficient to the core. And proud of it.’
Ellie shivered, the words dropping into the pit of her stomach, the flat direct gaze piercing the bubble of exhilaration that had kept her happily cocooned from the chill all day.
She wasn’t sure if Alex meant the comment as a warning. Not to get too close. Not to make the mistake of thinking this interlude, this time together, meant more than it did. But she understood it as such.
Today had been magical in so many ways, just like last night. He’d held her in strong arms this morning while she’d stumbled over the ice and prevented her from falling flat on her bum more than once. He’d chuckled as she’d oohed and ahhed over the magnificent artistry of the window dressings in Saks and Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s and had been happy to stroll along Fifth Avenue being jostled by tourists and native shopaholics alike. He had suggested the best place to get hot pastrami sandwiches and eaten them with her on the sidewalk. And he’d insisted on treating them both to a hot chocolate at his favourite chocolatier and kissed the milk moustache from her upper lip. He’d even strolled through the park with her before sunset and held her as they watched the sun drop towards the trees in a blaze of red. And for once his hard-bitten cynicism had been softened by the magic of Manhattan all dressed up for the season of goodwill. But it was back with a vengeance now, as she recalled the way he’d talked about his family.
There was a bitterness and anger there, which he was determined not to acknowledge. And she couldn’t help wondering what had caused it. Why would anyone want to lose such a close connection? A connection she’d yearned for her entire life. To have people who knew you, who understood you, who had grown up with you and had the same experiences, and who could reminisce with you about the people you’d lost. To have people to share your pain as well as those small domestic joys that had been a part of your childhood, but no one but you could remember now?
Except, not everyone had a good childhood. A happy childhood. Even a functional childhood. Why had it never even occurred to her the things she’d yearned for growing up might have their own challenges, provide their own problems?
She’d been so lonely as a child, had never felt as if she truly belonged. As a result she had always yearned for more. More family, more people she could depend on, more memories, more connections, and parents who didn’t live such small, secluded lives and didn’t depend on her to give their lives meaning.
And as a result, here she was in New York, living her very best life and falling for a man who couldn’t be more emotionally unavailable if he tried.
Falling for? What the hell? You’re not falling for Alex Costa, Ellie.
Because that would be insane.
‘You’re cold,’ he said, when she shivered again. But as his tawny gaze searched her face, she was scared it saw more than she wanted it to see. ‘Have you had enough of the sunset yet?’ he asked, the gruff amusement in his tone, tempered with impatience, somehow another warning.
A warning she knew she didn’t need.
She glanced over her shoulder, to see the sun had sunk beneath the trees, leaving the sky with a dull amber glow. She swallowed heavily, forcing herself not to take his detachment and the brief glimpse he’d given her of the man behind the mask personally.
Alex Costa was unattainable for a reason. A reason she couldn’t change and had no right to question.
She swung round to find him watching her with the guarded look she’d become used to, realising he already regretted letting his guard down—even a wee bit.
She tucked her arm into his, clamped down on the emotion pushing against her chest. And ignored all the questions filling her head, about the man who had decided he didn’t need the connections she had always craved.
You are self-sufficient too, Ellie. And you need to stay that way.
‘Yes, I’ve had enough of Christmas for now.’ She gave a theatrical shudder as the cold seeped through her warm clothes.
‘Good,’ he said, that penetrating gaze flaring with a familiar heat—and the flicker of relief. ‘Because I know a great way to warm you up.’
‘I bet you do,’ she said coquettishly, channelling her inner sex kitten and ignoring the little girl who had always been ready to throw herself into a new adventure—but had never considered the consequences. ‘Would it involve taking all my clothes off?’
His chuckle rumbled across her cold skin as his warm palm settled onto her hip and slipped under her jumper to stroke her back. She shivered again, but this time not from the cold.
‘You know me too well,’ he murmured as he increased the pace.
But as they made their way home through the park, she knew she didn’t really know him at all.
Their feet crunched on the frozen snow, and her heart hurt at how easy it would be to romanticise today—and the torrid passion they would share again tonight.
She needed to be sure not to fall any deeper under his spell.
Alex Costa was fascinating and gorgeous and provocative and so hot it hurt, but he wasn’t offering her a place to stay for long, or a place where she could belong.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The day before Christmas Eve