And then the older Cabrera’s words froze her in place.
“If you can’t, then don’t get married. Don’t have children. Don’t risk hurting a woman who deserves none of the pain men like us are capable of causing. If you don’t know for sure that you want that in your life, then it’s not worth it.”
She waited for Alejandro’s rebuttal, for him to tell Javier that he was indeed having a child, that he and Calandra had discovered something special in the midst of their mutually painful histories.
Each beat of silence drove the stake deeper into her heart. Her vision blurred, and for a moment she was standing next to her mother’s bedside, hand on her cool cheek and frantically whispered words begging her mother not to leave her. Not when they’d been so close to having everything back to the way it should be.
The memory faded, replaced by the sparkling chandeliers brighteningLa Reina’s halls. Just as she had that morning so many years ago, she drew up, drawing strength from some inner source as she locked her emotions away where they couldn’t betray her. She backed away and walked back to the ballroom, her footsteps thankfully muffled by the thick carpet.
This was why she’d kept the walls around her heart, why love and marriage had never been an option after Mom’s death. Because the brief, exquisite happiness she’d found this past week made the fall so much worse.
Her initial fear had been accurate. She’d fallen into the same trap as her mother, drawn in by a handsome face and charming words, dreaming of forever when she’d only been a fleeting interest, a novelty in his glitzy world. She’d thought he’d truly wanted her. The baby. After yesterday...a life. Together.
But he’d stayed silent. Alejandro, the man who always had a snappy comeback or a witty comment at the ready, had stayed silent. She’d heard his answer in that silence, loud and clear.
At least, she consoled herself as she moved around the room, she’d found out before she did something stupid like confess her feelings to him. She would be strong. Stronger than her mother. Stronger than the weak woman she’d allowed herself to be this past week. A temporary lapse. But one that tonight, after the party, she would rectify.
After another round of the ballroom, a few words of direction to a slightly harried-looking server and a check-in with her assistant later, Alejandro reentered.
His gaze landed on her. The cracks in her heart ripped open.
He came up to her, eyes blank, face devoid of a smile.
“I’d like to speak with you after the party.” The smallest glimmer came into his eyes. “The board voted unanimously to supportLa Reina.”
Somehow she smiled and forced herself to reach out, pat him on the arm. “Congratulations.”
He leaned down, kissed her cheek and moved away toward a group of older gentlemen. She barely stopped herself from reaching up to the touch the spot where his lips had brushed. The light caress had been casual, like a kiss you might give a friend you hadn’t seen in a while. Not a woman you loved.
The final confirmation, like a dagger to the heart.
The next three hours passed agonizingly slowly. But finally the last guest left, the band started to pack up and Suzie’s students began to clear the tables.
Alejandro appeared by her side.
“Ready to go home?”
“Yes.” More than ready. She never wanted to set foot in France again. It would be too painful.
He held out an arm. She took it, her fingers settling on his sleeve, and allowed him to escort her down the elegant hallway of the ship. A ship she’d come to care about, to see as a grand old lady getting a second chance at life.
Another loss. Another reason why forming emotional attachments was such a bad idea.
The drive back to the villa was silent. Unlike the comfort of yesterday’s drive back from Provence, this one was fraught with tension. Alejandro either ignored her cool detachment or was too consumed by his own thoughts to notice.
No matter, she reassured herself. She didn’t need him. Not anymore.
He pulled up in front of the villa, the white stairs glowing in the moonlight. He got out, came round before she had her seat belt unbuckled and opened the door for her.
“Home.”
She breathed in. “No. It’s not.”
Her words hung in the stillness of the night as Alejandro’s attention suddenly riveted on her.
“What?”
“I heard what you and your father were talking about.”