‘I told you—’
‘Yes, that it doesn’t matter. You came to my house to try and get me back into bed with you. I know that, Nico.’ She watched his face darken into a scowl. ‘You met Tommy and you were jealous but then you found out that he was my brother and you were hurt and I’m sorry about that.’
‘You overestimate your position in my life, Grace.’
That felt like a body blow but she met his cool gaze without flinching. ‘I’ve had a crush on you for years, Nico.’ There, it was out in the open. It should have felt like a weight lifted from her shoulders because didn’t they say that confession was good for the soul? Sadly, Grace just wanted the ground to open and swallow her up.
‘I never thought it would ever come to anything because I always knew the sort of women you were attracted to. Racy blondes who enjoyed all the things money could buy. I wasn’t a racy blonde so you were never going to be attracted to me. Ergo, having a crush on you was safe because nothing would ever come of it and I liked that because... I’ve spent all of my adult life being a coward.’
She looked at him as he shifted closer to sit on the sofa next to her.
This wasn’t the equivalent of a welcome mat but at least it wasn’t the sound of a door slamming in her face.
‘I was brave when it came to looking after Mum and Tommy. I bore the brunt of all the hard work. Tommy was always the vulnerable one and I was always the strong one and, really, they both looked to me to do the caretaking. But I never had a chance to develop in all those areas where girls develop.’
‘You weren’t allowedanyfreedom to do what you wanted to do?’
The gentleness of his voice made tears prick the backs of her eyes for this was what she’d missed when he had withdrawn from her. She had thought she’d walked away from him, so it was ironic how much it had hurt when he had shown up unannounced only to retreat behind an impenetrable wall when he’d met Tommy and found out who he was.
‘I had all the freedom in the world,’ Grace said quietly. ‘I just didn’t know how to use it. My mother never chained me to the stove and forced me to cook and Tommy never asked me to help him with his homework or make him a packed lunch to take to school. I did it all because it just seemed to happen that way and then, somehow, I hit my teenage years and I found that I never learnt how to flirt or talk to boys or get invited to parties.’ She smiled. ‘Or even have confidence when it came to stuff like that. I had one boyfriend, which was a fumbling, clumsy affair, and it was so much easier to give up on the whole scary thing.’
‘Go on,’ Nico urged.
‘Then, like I told you earlier, Mum married and moved to Australia not that long after Tommy’s accident and my life seemed even more closed in. I started working for you and...yes, I developed a crazy crush on you.’
‘I like that. I approve of crazy crushes.’
‘I would have told you about Tommy and Mum...but there were lines between us, Nico. You were my boss. Even when we slept together, you were still my boss, and I was very conscious of that.’ She paused and gazed at him with a thoughtful expression. ‘No,’ she admitted with painful honesty, ‘it was more than that. Somewhere along the line, I realised that my crazy crush wasn’t quite as harmless as I’d thought it would be. That’s when I made up my mind to go on the Internet, find the life I’d been missing.’
‘The nuisance lawyer... Victor? I remember his name.’
‘That was my first foray.’ She held his gaze sheepishly. ‘I didn’t expect to be caught out.’
‘I’m glad I did. It showed me a side of you I think I always knew was there, waiting to get out. Tell me about this crush of yours and how it developed.’
‘It got serious, Nico. I realised just how serious when I was on that wretched date, trying hard to make an effort and hating the fact that I was there, and, even worse, hating the fact that I wished it were you sitting opposite me. An impossible dream. A stupid impossible dream that had grown completely out of hand.’ She sighed and yawned. The whisky had made her feel sleepy, but she was no longer cold and she could finally feel the weight being lifted from her shoulders.
‘And then we went to that island.’
‘Yes, we did.’
‘We made love and it was everything making love is all about.’
‘For me, it was falling in love, Nico. And that’s why, even in those most intimate moments, when I wanted to rest my head on your shoulder and spill my soul, I didn’t because I figured it would drive you away and I didn’t want that to happen. I was a coward. I’d fallen in love with you and I wanted to do everything within my power to hang onto you for as long as I could. I was proud. I was greedy.’
‘You fell in love with me...’
‘That’s what I came here to say. I couldn’t bear the thought of you walking away and never knowing what was in my heart.’
‘Oh, Grace...’
‘I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to tell me that you can’t return the feeling and I understand. I’ve always understood that what I felt for you would never come to anything.’
‘In your search for a job,’ Nico said gravely, ‘I hope you haven’t thought about going into fortune telling.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I came to your house earlier because I wanted to tell you much the same thing.’ He smiled wryly. ‘Different backstory but there you go—we’ve ended up on the same page and maybe it was always going to be that way.’