I hear the front door open, and I still don’t lift my gaze. Even when I hear Chaz squeal as she runs past me and toward her real family. Chaz laughs and in my head, Becca does, too, her voice raspy and ridiculously hot and I almost look up. Almost. But then I hear Chaz say his name and I keep my head lowered and shove my hands in my pockets, waiting for the world to stop spinning so fast. It doesn’t. And when enough time passes and all I can hear is his voice saying all the right things, I turn on my heels and head back to my apartment.
I’m halfway there when Chaz calls my name, and it takes everything in me to stop. To not let my pride overshadow her wants. I turn slowly, making sure to focus on her and only her, but Becca’s here. She’s here and no matter how hard I try to fight it, I’m drawn to her. Right to her eyes—eyes that seem to see straight through me. “Are you able to change the reservation to five?” Chaz whispers.
I tear my gaze away from Becca and look down at her. Her lips press together, her face pleading. “How about I call and make it for four? You go spend time with them.” I reach into my pocket and pull out some cash, but she covers my hand to stop me.
“Josh. I’m not going to go—”
I turn my back on all of them, but she follows and stands in front of me, blocking my path. Squaring my shoulders, I try to keep it together. “I’m not going with them,” I say, my voice low, my words meant only for her.
“Why not?”
I sigh. “Please don’t make this awkward. You know why.” I push the cash into her hands, and she opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “Please,” I beg. “You know I would if I could, but I can’t be around them.”
A frown pulls on her lips, and I hate myself for causing it.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her.
She nods, pushes off her toes and kisses my cheek. “I know.”
* * *
I hide out in my apartment until they’re gone and as soon as they are, I head back out, grab a board from my truck, and I bail. I skate the streets until I’m at my uncle Robby’s house, and when I hear Tommy’s laughter coming from their back yard, it takes away some of the ache in my chest.
“What’s up?” Robby says when I come into view. “Aren’t you supposed to be out to lunch with Chaz?”
I sit down on the chair next to him and focus on Tommy, like I do whenever I feel like things are getting to be too much. He’s standing in front of my aunt Kim, his arm out in front of him while she wraps soggy strips of newspaper around his elbow. “What the hell are you doing to my kid?” I ask Kim.
She eyes me sideways while Tommy bursts out laughing. “I’m like you, Daddy!”
“You’ve already had one broken arm, you don’t need another one,” I mumble.
Robby says, “Imagine if he ends up a skater like you. You’d flip your shit with the amount of broken bones your mom and dad had to go through.”
“Flip your shit,” Tommy repeats.
“That’s a bad word, sweetheart, don’t listen to your uncle,” Kim coos, her eyes narrowed at Robby.
“I wasn’t that bad,” I tell Robby.
“Bullshit,” he replies.
“Bullshit!” Tommy yells.
I turn to Robby. “You gotta quit cussing around him. You know what he said to me after I placed second in my last comp?”
Robby rolls his eyes. “What’d he say?”
“He told me it was okay because the other guy was an asshole.”
Robby laughs.
“It’s not funny!” I punch his arm.
Tommy punches Kim’s shoulder.
“And I’m the bad influence?” Robby asks, and I just shake my head. “So why aren’t you with Chaz right now?”
“Change of plans.” I drop my board and set my feet on it, rocking it from side to side, my shoulders slumped. “Becca’s here.”
“She’s here?” he almost shouts.
“My Becca’s home?” Tommy yells, his grin from ear to ear.
“No, bud,” I lie. “Not your Becca. A different one.”
Tommy drops his gaze, his frown instant. “Oh,” he says, at the same time Robby stands. “Let’s walk.”
* * *
We sit on top of the half-pipe in his backyard. The one he made me to celebrate when I signed a deal with Red Bull. It was supposed to be a place for me to train when I came home. Honestly, though, I think it was just a way for him to make sure I came home. “So Becca’s home?”