* * *
Those thoughts are still needling at me days later. Nothing, not even menu planning can distract me. We’re getting close to the end of summer, but until we hit September first, the tourists are happiest with the kind of menu that would make Jimmy Buffett swoon.
I’m just writing up the specials for the week, crab cake sliders with cajun aioli, queso fresco cheese burgers topped with pickled red onion and guacamole.
I debate adding fried avocado to the list, just to piss my boss off, but Spencer is a lot less grumpy since he got married. It kind of takes the fun out of messing with him. So I just write: Appetizer- Jumbo coconut prawns with ginger Thai chili dipping sauce.
Dinner service is slow to kick off. I have my line cooks scrub equipment down while we wait for the tourists to trickle in and start ordering. On a day this nice though, a lot of them will stay out at the beach or on the trails until dusk.
Just after six, the back door to the kitchen flies open and Bobby charges inside. “What the—” I don’t get the rest of my sentence out before he’s got the front of my chef coat in his fist.
“We need to talk.Now.”That’s all he’ll say as he drags me outside, no small feat considering I’m seven inches taller and have at least fifty pounds on him.
“Jesus, Bobby! What’s gotten into you?” I growl as soon as the door slams behind me. He releases my coat and shoves his phone in my face. It’s dark. I frown, take the device, and turn it to show him there’s nothing there.
Bobby grabs it back, huffing as he unlocks the screen and hands it back. His browser is open to a news article, well, kind of news. Really, it looks like they just yanked content from Reddit and repackaged it as an article.
“Well, that’s just lazy,” I tell him. “Why are you pulling me out of work to show me a Reddit post?
Bobby slaps a hand against his forehead. “Did you fucking read it?”
I squint at him before wordlessly turning my focus back to the screen. “Anonymous Surrogate’s Hot and Bothered Confession”,I read out loud before glancing up at Bobby with a frown.
“Oh, my fucking giddy aunt, keep reading!” Bobby exclaims, pushing the phone closer to my face.
While many question the safety of Reddit’s so-called ‘throwaway accounts’ which allow anyone to create an anonymous account with zero oversight, we can’t argue the benefits of venting in a safe space. On Monday night, one user took to the r/OffMyChest forum on Reddit, airing her grievances like it was a Festivus event. User OhGodNo024570 wrote:
“I am so fucked. I moved in with the gay couple I’m going to be a surrogate for. They’re so ridiculously hot that it hurts to look at them. We’ve been friendly for months, getting to know each other through the agency, then on our own… but the more I get to know them, the more I WANT them. What makes it even worse? Glad you asked. I want them BOTH… and I don’t mean one at a time.
Here’s the part where I really fucked up: last night, after dinner, we all sat down to watch a movie. I can’t even remember what it was, because I could barely take my eyes off them. They sat there cuddling, rubbing each other’s backs, and just generally being sexy as hell.
And while they did all that… I got so turned on, I couldn’t stand it. I excused myself with the intention of ‘taking care’ of the problem solo. But then I heard the two of them going at it in their bedroom… I’ve never been so turned on in my whole life, and God help me, I listened. I listened and fantasized and tried to rub one out.
Just when I was getting close, my stupid vibrator died. I threw it (mostly out of frustration) and when it hit the floor, IT TURNED ON AND STARTED BUZZING ACROSS THE FLOOR. It went straight under the bed vibrating like a jackhammer. I fell out of bed trying to grab it, missed, and had to get all the way under the bed, buck naked.
It was at this exact moment that they started knocking on my door, no doubt wondering what in the hell was wrong with me. I panicked, and when I couldn’t come up with something fast enough, the two of them BROKE THE DOOR DOWN because they thought I’d fallen and hurt myself.
Once they realized I was fine (and probably assumed I’m completely insane) they went back to their room and let me crawl out from under the bed with my last shred of dignity dangling limply.
I feel like the absolute worst. I’m so embarrassed I can barely look them in the eye. I’m wracked with guilt for accepting their generosity when they have no clue how I feel, or the things I keep imagining them doing to me. It really doesn’t help that I’m just a temporary necessity in their lives. A vessel with a pulse.
We’re supposed to go in for the artificial insemination in just a couple of days, and the more I think about carrying their baby—their DNA-- inside of me, the hotter I get. I keep daydreaming about them trying to knock me up and taking turns forcing me to come. I can’t help picturing them doing absolutely filthy things to me—and to each other—all in the name of making a baby.
I’m not second-guessing anything, and I’d never go back on my promise. They’re two of the best men I’ve ever known. Their relationship is beautiful and deeply committed. They’re *perfect* for each other. No matter how often I fantasize about them, and no matter how dirty those fantasies are, it’s the single most unrealistic crush on the face of the planet.
It would be unforgivable to say anything. I just know that once I’ve served my purpose… that’s it. I’ll have to walk away and let them live their lives.
TLDR: I’m falling for a gay couple and I’m probably going to hell for all the filthy ideas they give me.
***
My head spins as I glance up from the phone. “I need to sit.”
“That’s it?” Bobby exclaims, snatching the phone back. “Are you serious?”
“No, that’s not it,” I growl, dropping my ass to the cement step that leads to the kitchen door. “But I need a second to think, Bobby.”
“What on earth is there to think about?” Bobby runs his hands through his hair, exasperated.