“Thanks,” I tell him.
“It’s your beer,” he shrugs, the soft smile still in place. He picks up my feet, sliding back into his spot and laying my calves across his thighs. “Jesus Christ, Jules. Your feet are freezing.”
I start to pull them back, but he stops me.
“Here.” He grabs the blanket in his free hand, shaking it out and spreading it over my legs, tucking it around my feet.
“Thank you,” I say, not entirely sure if I’m grateful or not. I mean, sure, my feet are warming up, sandwiched between the blanket and his thick thighs. But I’m going to have to spend the next hour making sure I don’t so much as twitch a toe because the temptation to rub myself all over him is overwhelming. It doesn’t help that anytime he shifts, the muscles in his thighs flex under my legs. I swallow hard and try to pay attention to the movie. Mini Coopers are flying through underground tunnels. Because that’s totally plausible, right? Yeah. About as plausible as me keeping my hands to myself for the next five days.
10
Mateo
Ihold Julia’s feet in my lap and it chews up every ounce of self-control I have not to stroke my fingers up her calves. I stare at the screen, but mentally, I’m consumed by the woman sharing the couch with me. I keep flashing back to the way her eyes heated, a little tremble running through her when I told her I’d clean up. I’m racking my brain, trying to figure out what I did because her expression was almost unmistakably lust. My inner demon keeps arguing that she was thinking about Javier. That maybe I reminded her of him for a second. That it wasn’t me she was thinking of when she looked at me like that. Hell, maybe she just has a fetish for men that clean up after themselves.
Her phone chimes and she glances down at it, a smile curving over her lips. I grit my teeth against the surge of jealousy that threatens to consume me. Who the fuck is making her smile like that? I told Javier to say hi. Did he take my advice? Is she thinking about him right now? My body threatens to rebel against me. I want to grab that phone from her hands and throw it across the room. I want to push her down on this couch and make her forget about anyone else.
The movie ends and I don’t think I actually watched more than five minutes of it. Julia stretches happily, her legs shifting across my lap and grazing the head of my dick. I have to count backwards from ten while thinking of Bea Arthur to fight back the blood flow that’s determined to embarrass me.
“That is the best movie ever,” she says, propping her head on her hand as she smiles at me.
“It’s good, but the best?” I ask, squinting at her. “I think we might have to raise your standards.”
She gapes at me in mock outrage. “Excuse me. I have excellent standards!”
“Says the woman who has a thing for Javier.” The second it leaves my mouth, I feel like an asshole. I may have just spent the last few hours steaming over her long-standing crush on my brother, but I still shouldn’t have said that.
“Had,” Julia says defensively.
My hand flexes on her calf, squeezing it involuntarily. I scoff, but she cuts me off, yanking her legs off my lap and taking the blanket with her as she sits up. Julia smacks my chest with the back of her hand gently. “Past tense, jerkface.”
“I’m sorry, but you were hung up on him for years. You can’t say it’s not true.”
She sighs, tipping her head back to look at the ceiling.
“I’m not… Obviously, I’m not saying you’re wrong, but… one benefit of growing up is getting to look back and appreciate how deeply fucked up your priorities were. I know what I was like and what I thought I wanted. Your brother is a… good guy—”
“No, he’s not,” I interject.
Julia laughs. “You’re right. He’s not. I was trying to be nice.”
I shrug. “He’s my brother, so I have to love him, even though he’s an ass. But trust me, I’m well aware of his shortcomings.”
“Yeah, he was always… charming.” She says the word like it’s toxic. “It took me a long time to see through that. But when you think about how little he cares about anyone but himself, it’s tough to feel affection for him. Like, where is he right now? He couldn’t be bothered to be with his dad when we thought he was really sick?” She presses her lips together, shaking her head in disgust. “I’m not proud of the way I trailed after him. It was pathetic. I feel like ‘young and stupid’ is a weak excuse, but it’s all I have.”
“You don’t have to make excuses to me. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
Julia shifts in her seat, watching my face. “Maybe not. Maybe I just don’t want you walking around thinking I’m still that stupid. That he’s what I want.”
My blood is pounding through my veins at the way she’s looking at me. “Then what do you want, Jules?”
Her lips part like she’s going to say something, but she hesitates, eyes sliding to the side. “I don’t know… I don’t have a lot of faith in happily ever after. I love nursing, though. And I’ll be a kick ass aunt.”
If I didn’t know her as well as I do, I might have bought that. But her smile doesn’t reach her eyes the way it should. The little dimples in her cheeks are too shallow. I don’t care how long I’ve been gone, I know Julia and I know that’s not all she wants out of life.
Even as kids, she talked about wanting a family. She made us play house with her endlessly, criticizing our lack of commitment to the characters she assigned. It became a sort of adolescent torture for Lukas and I since she refused to let Lukas and I defend the house with our Nerf guns instead of holding the baby while she went to “work.”
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she genuinely doesn’t want a family anymore, but if she does, then she deserves to have it. She deserves someone who loves her fiercely. Someone who would do anything for her happiness. For just a second, I let myself picture a life with Julia. A lifetime spent with her in my arms every night.