Parker
Ithink this is what heaven must feel like. I’m warm, sated, and draped all over the sexiest man on the face of the planet. Lukas has a proprietary hand on my thigh, his fingers tracing little patterns over my skin. Moonlight is streaming through the cracks in the blinds, shafts of light illuminating bits and pieces of the feathers tattooed on his chest.
Stroking the delicate lines that flow out from each wing, I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of his chest rising under my hand. I almost can’t believe this is where I am right now. Twenty-four hours ago I was lying awake, cursing Lukas for his douche-baggery at the bar.
I’m just drifting off when his voice pulls me back. “We can keep this just between us, right?”
My eyes fly open, but the rest of me freezes solid. A lead weight crashing through the peace. I am such an idiot. “Yeah, I… Of course.”
It’s not like I was going to go run through the streets yelling, “I slept with Lukas Donovan!” But clearly, I didn’t think this through. I got so swept up in him I didn’t think about the consequences of sleeping with my best friend’s brother.
I can’t believe I did this to myself. I’ve been twisting this whole day into a grand romanticized adventure. I mean, it’s what I always wanted, right? To be swept away on the back of a motorcycle by a tall, dark, and handsome bad boy? The beach was just the cherry on top of the Parker-seduction sundae that Lukas brought to the table. I got swept away in a fantasy of my own making.
Obviously, we have chemistry, but Lukas made it pretty clear he wasn’t going to pursue it. He was perfectly happy to go shower in the other room until I asked him to stay. I threw myself at him and the worst part is, I knew better. It’s not like he hid anything from me.
So, what exactly did I think was going to happen? That he’d fall for me? That we’d get a golden retriever and a picket fence? Pop out some pretty little babies and live happily ever after? All because he was nice to me for one evening instead of the flaming asshole I’ve come to expect. I thought I’d misjudged him, but really, I am just an idiot. A naïve, romantic idiot.
This is almost so tragic it’s funny. Did I think I could change him? Am I that much of a cliche? Well, hell. I guess I am. I honestly thought we had a real connection. That the sex we shared was more than just physical, but that’s ridiculous. I’m just so inexperienced that one good lay sent me over the deep end.
I’m not sure how long I lay in bed, frozen in place, trying to sort through the day without the rose-colored glasses. To see it from his point of view. He was just trying to be nice, and I made it into so much more in my head.
Lukas is sleeping peacefully, his chest rising and falling in a relaxed rhythm under my arm. He’s still holding my thigh, his calloused fingers curled around the back of my leg. Oh, my freaking god. Even in sleep, he’s turning me on. It’s really not fair.
Carefully, I tip my chin up so I can see his face. I totally know why I fell for the fantasy when I look at him like this. His dark hair is tousled over one side of his face, there’s something vaguely exotic about the turn of his eyes, and oh lord, that jaw with those full lips. He’s officially my brand of catnip; I just want to rub myself all over him and make bad choices.
I need to get out of here. If I wake up next to him, I know I’ll do anything he wants. If he’s conscious, I won’t be able to resist him and then I’ll hate myself for being weak. As amazing as this was, I don’t want to be someone’s dirty little secret. I know I deserve better than that. I just have to find it in myself to be stronger than the pull I feel towards him. Even if the thought of leaving makes me feel sick to my stomach.
From somewhere in the dark of the house, I hear the dryer buzz. Well, there’s my sign, right? My clothes are ready, so I better put on my grown-up panties (figuratively, since he tore my panties to shreds) and get out of here.
Gently, I lift Lukas’ hand from my leg, ignoring the cold stabbing sensation in my chest. He shifts as I extricate myself from his arms and reaches for me again.
“Where goin’?” he asks sleepily, eyes still closed.
“Bathroom. Go back to sleep,” I soothe as I slip from the bed while guilt rips my chest open.
“Miss you…” he mumbles, throwing an arm over a pillow.
I’m trying to contain the tears that are threatening to spill from the corners of my eyes. Me too, I think. At least, I’ll miss the idea of him, but I need to grow the hell up and face reality. New Parker is a hell of a lot of fun, but she’s shit at decision making.
I pad to the bathroom, retrieving my damp purse. My phone is dry, at least. I wait to get downstairs to open it and pull up the rideshare app. It’s only a little past midnight, so I guess there are still plenty of drivers out. The app says Kevin will be here in seven minutes. Clothes! I can’t exactly walk outside in a t-shirt, sans panties.
It takes way too long to locate the washer and dryer. My jeans are warm and dry so I pull those on at breakneck speed, shoving my tank top in my purse, but my stupid bra is nowhere to be found. I dig around in the dryer, but all I can find are Lukas’ clothes. Frantically, I search the area, but it’s not in the washer or on the floor either. Damn. The app shows Kevin is just around the corner. I can’t risk him honking or waking Lukas up. I guess the bra is a goner. That really sucks. I only have two more and I don’t like them as much.
Cursing my poor sleuthing skills, I quietly slip out the front door, making sure it’s locked behind me. I climb into the black Prius, painfully aware of how walk-of-shame-y I look. Messy hair and braless in a men’s shirt? Yeah. I’m not fooling anyone here. The frat boy driver has the decency not to say anything about it. Just offers me a complimentary bottle of water and confirms my address. I pass on the water, cross my arms over my chest, and stare out the window in silence until we pull up in front of my house.
“Have a nice night. If you get a chance, could you give me a five-star review?” Kevin asks as I step out of the car.
“Sure. Thanks,” I mumble before closing the door. My foot barely hits the curb before the tears start falling. Cujo is waiting for me, front paws perched on top of the neighbor’s gate. Apparently, he’s not going to sneak up on me tonight, which is just as well. I don’t think I could take the jump-scare right now. He’s wiggling, excited to see me, but his puppy smile is missing and he’s whimpering.
“Hey buddy,” I say, scratching him behind the ears. His expressive eyebrows look almost worried as he licks the tears from my face. “At least I know you love me,” I say sadly. He whimpers again, dancing his paws on top of the chain link, trying to get closer to me. I look up and down the street. All the houses are dark… this is probably a terrible idea, but I kind of need the affection right now. I wince and lift the latch on Cujo’s gate, praying it won’t squeak. The Rottweiler sits as I open it, watching me. The second I sit on the hard-packed dirt, he’s all over me, wiggling and whining and licking my face.
“Good boy,” I laugh quietly through my tears. He crawls all of his solid doggy muscle into my lap and sits on me, letting me cry into his neck. This has to be the purest, sweetest affection I’ve ever received from a living creature, and the thought just makes me sob harder. I’m so tired of being alone. Maybe that’s why I built up this evening with Lukas in my head. It’s definitely the reason it hurt so much when I realized how wrong I was.
“I should have brought you a taco,” I tell him once I’ve cried myself out. He just stares into my eyes and licks my nose. “Next time, I promise. I’ll get you a whole pile of shredded pork.” A car drives by at the end of the street and makes me jump. The last thing I need is to get caught in a possible dognapping.
“Come on, buddy. Let’s get you home.” I pat Cujo’s side and he obediently gets off my lap with one last lick. I’m going to need another shower but it was worth it. Getting to my feet and brushing the dirt off my pants, I point at Cujo’s yard. He looks hangdog but goes through the gate. I make sure the latch is secure before heading towards my tiny...Fuck it. It’s a shed tonight. Cujo walks along the fence line with me, whining all the way.
* * *