Chapter 34: Lilah
The whole scene should make me upset. People traipsing in and out of my house, going through my things, the fact that my house is an active crime scene... and yet I really don't care. Terry is going to prison and I know my Ben will do whatever it takes to keep him away from me for the rest of my life.
A young officer shakes my hand and lifts the crime scene tape for Ben and me to duck under. Admittedly, it was much easier for me to sneak under the yellow tape. Ben's shoulder snags it and rips it, making me laugh. He ties it back together with the officer's help and gives me an apologetic smile.
He puts a possessive hand on my lower back as we walk inside. The weight of it is warm and protective, and despite everything else we've been through in the last few hours, I feel safe.
"Are you ok?" Ben asks, looking around my entry way at the commotion inside.
"Yeah," I tell him honestly. "But I'd like to hurry up and get out of here." Ben nods and we work together quietly to pack up Frankie in her travel cage. Ben grabs the veggies out of my fridge for her while I get the water bowl. I'd be lying if I said I didn't scope a peek at his butt when he bent over to put the lettuce in a bag. He catches me and tosses me a wink. His winks usually send my panties into spontaneous melt down, but this one is a sweeter, more affectionate look than I expected.
Ben sets the bag down next to Frankie and pulls me into his chest. He holds me tight, his cheek resting on top of my head. I don't know how long we stand like that, but an officer clears her throat, as she moves by us with an embarrassed, "Excuse me."
Yeah, I do not want to spend another minute in this house.
I go to grab some clothes out of the closet, but I run a finger over one of the shirts. I don't know what Terry touched. I can't stand the idea of wearing anything until it's been washed. And maybe boiled. In acid.
Ben catches my hesitation, his brows pulling together for a second before he gets it. I don't have to say a word. He takes my hand and pulls me back out of the closet and down the hall. He grabs Frankie's stuff under one arm, holding her cage in one hand and lacing the fingers of his free hand back through mine.
Ben ignores the neighbors and the police outside. He doesn't even look at his butchered car as we cross our front yards to his house. He just determinedly marches the three of us to his front door. He unlocks it, pressing his hand to my lower back in that proprietary way of his. God, I love it when he takes charge. He locks the door behind us before setting Frankie down and walking through the living areas, closing all the curtains.
I watch him, frozen in place. I feel disconnected from my body and I wonder if maybe I'm a little shell-shocked. The quiet of the house is oppressive after all the sirens and radios. Ben seems determined to charge ahead, setting Frankie up with some water and putting food in her cage.
"Ben," I say.
"Do you want something to eat?" he asks. I haven't eaten, but I'm not hungry.
"No, but Ben--"
"Do you want something to drink? You can take a shower if you want." Ben doesn't meet my eye, but he rambles as he pops another piece of lettuce into Frankie's cage. "Or I can fill up a bath for you. I don't have bubbles or anything." I place my hand on his and my heart aches when I realize he's shaking.
"Ben," I say firmly. "Ben, look at me." He glances up, his beautiful brown eyes haunted. I step into him, wrapping my arms around his middle. He cradles me against his chest.
"I'm so sorry." My voice is muffled against his chest and I breathe in the familiar, comforting scent of his shirt.
"Lilah..." His voice is gently chiding, and I know he's going to tell me I didn't do anything wrong, but I need to say this.
"I'm so sorry for the way I left this morning," I plow ahead. "I never should have left like that." Ben runs his fingers through my hair, pressing his lips to the top of my head.
"I understand why you did," he whispers, holding me tighter. Of course, he understands. Ben gets me like nobody else, except maybe my sisters. Half the time I wonder if he's psychic with the way he can predict me.
"I--" his voice chokes and he clears his throat. "I was so scared I lost you. I can't imagine this world without you in it." His voice is ragged, his words vibrating through me. I can't imagine living without him either. I don't care that we've only been together a little while. I don't give a single fuck that he kept a secret from me. I need him like I need the air in my lungs. I love him and the rest is just details.
"Lilah, I swear I'll never keep--" I wiggle my way back in his arms, just enough so I can reach up to touch his face and put my fingers over his lips.
"You already apologized this morning and I forgive you." I run my fingers over his 24-hour shadow, loving the feel of the bristly hairs. He is devastatingly handsome, but underneath that, he's the most beautiful person I know. Giving him my heart is the easiest thing I've ever done because I know he'll protect it and treasure it over anything else.
"Here’s what I should have said earlier. I don't know how you snuck into my heart, but I love you. I love you so much it hurts," I say through a hoarse throat.
Ben's eyes are intense, and full of adoration as he presses his forehead to mine. "I love you too," he says before pressing his lips to mine. After everything we've been through today, we pour the pent-up emotions into the kiss. All the frustration, anger, fear and heartbreak melts away as his lips move against mine, replaced by joy and relief.
My fingers wind under his shirt and the feel of his skin under my hands is almost more than I can bear. I can't keep my hands off him, kissing him harder. The soft rush of his breath against my mouth lights a fire in me. I could blame the adrenaline crash or the declarations of love, but Ben always makes me crazy for him. A single look, a little touch, a kiss on the neck, and I am dying for him. Greedy for anything I can get.
He holds me close as we kiss and my nipples rub against his chest, tightening to aching points. His massive thigh presses between mine, and I'm helplessly lost as my hips roll against it. I moan into his kiss as I feel a rush of moisture between my thighs.
Ben's hand in my hair tightens, holding my head back to look at me. His eyes search mine, looking for something. "We can do this later," he says. "I'd understand if you need time after--"
"Fuck no," I say. "I need this. I need you and I do not want to wait." Ben grins at me, his grip on my hair firm. I blink up at him. "But I do feel kind of grimy. Maybe we can multitask in the shower?"