Lilah sits in my lap, her shoulders hunched miserably. I put a hand on her cheek, looking at her. She's pale, and I'm a little worried she might vomit. Her green eyes look glassy and she's staring vacantly at the screen. I wish I could absorb her pain, siphon it all away.
"Wait," she says, finally turning to look at me. "Why do you even have these cameras in the first place?"
There it is. My girl isn't stupid.
"That's... the other thing I need to tell you," I say as I look down at my hands. I hate myself right now. I've kept this from her so long and now I have no choice but to break it to her when she's already hurting. If I had just been a goddamn man about it and told her weeks ago, we might have prevented all of this from happening.
"My sister Ella..." I start. Fuck, this is hard. Lilah listens, still perched on my thigh, her back stiff and straight as a board.
"When I was 21, Ella married this prick she met in college. My dad didn't like the guy much, but he couldn't stop her. They moved to El Paso just after the wedding. I was still doing my time working for the FBI. I was so self-absorbed that I didn't realize how hard it was to get ahold of her until the next Christmas when she didn't come home to see us. She told us she couldn't make it, but she wouldn't say why or even answer her phone when we tried to call her."
Lilah's eyebrows draw together. As close as she is with her siblings, I'm sure she's imagining the worry that would cause.
"We didn't hear from her for days and then I got a call from her. She called me on a borrowed phone. All she said was she needed me to pick her up at a bus stop in North Austin before she hung up. My dad and I raced out to pick her up. When we found her--"
My voice breaks, my chest ripping apart all over again at the memory of my big sister, slumped in a bus stop waiting area. She had the hood of her coat pulled up and she was hugging herself. Even from across the room I could see the bruises, the dried blood on her forehead.
"She was in bad shape. We took her to the hospital, and they said she had three cracked ribs, a concussion, minor facial fractures. The hospital called the police and Ella told them everything while we watched. She couldn't make eye contact with anyone. She told me later how humiliating it all was. She's smart. She came from a good home. She had an education. She felt like she should have known better."
Lilah smooths her hands over my arm and over the muscles of my clenched fists. I watch the way her delicate fingers stroke my skin, focusing on that little motion to calm myself. It's been ten years, but I think a hundred could go by and I would still be filled with rage about what my sister went through.
"We all should have known better, but not one of us caught the warning signs. Ella's husband isolated her once they moved to El Paso. He emotionally abused her, she said. Little things at first but escalating until Ella demanded they spend Christmas at home in Austin. She was planning to use the trip to get help, but he refused and when she pushed back, he snapped. He beat her half to death."
Tears are streaming down Lilah's face when I look back up at her.
"I'm so sorry," she whispers. Her green eyes search mine like she's trying to assess the cracks in my soul so she can patch me back up.
"The police took a report. They kept calling it a domestic dispute. Can you believe that? They were useless. Worse than useless. Her husband had family ties in El Paso. They pulled a bunch of strings and, in the end, he was only charged with "Simple Assault." A class B misdemeanor. He did 60 days in jail and paid a $2,000 fine. That's it."
Lilah curses softly under her breath.
"He called her daily while he was in prison, not that she answered, but he wouldn't stop. His release date got closer and closer, and Ella started panicking. She knew he wouldn't leave her alone. She wanted to leave town, start over somewhere, but we didn't want her out there on her own."
"Part of my plea agreement with the FBI was that I agreed not to hack anything that wasn't assigned to me by my superiors. I'd followed the rules for years, but I wasn't about to let Ella's tormenter walk free after what he'd done..."
Lilah's eyes grow larger in her face.
"Oh god, Ben. What did you do?"
I laugh, but it comes out cold and humorless.
"Honestly? A lot less than I thought I'd have to."