Chapter 41: Olive
With the addition of Mateo and Luis to the party, the living room is filled to capacity. Gran has dozens of cookies already baked for us and, for once, I don’t cook or bake anything at all. I’m content sitting on Brooks’ lap while we all catch up.
Mateo keeps everyone entertained with stories of his ship mates. Luis’ younger son was like a brother to us, growing up. You’d never know it now, but he was a troublemaking pipsqueak when we were young. Six years younger than me, Asher, and his big brother Javier, he was an adorable menace, trailing after us with an eye out for mischief. He joined the Navy straight out of high school and we haven’t seen much of him since. It’s nice to have him here.
Having Mateo and Luis here makes this feel like the holidays of my childhood. We are missing Javier, of course. Asher’s best friend can’t get away from work in New York, but no one expected him to.
Poor Julia was so hopeful Javier had come home when Luis popped in to surprise us. She always had a soft spot for Javier, following us around as kids. As a teenager she hid it well, but internally swooned whenever he was around. I always hoped he would notice her; I even tried to nudge him in her direction a time or two, but it never seemed to take.
When he left for NYU with a full-ride soccer scholarship, she hid in her room for weeks, only coming alive when he came home for a visit, mourning each time he left. I wish there were someone else for her. Nursing makes her happy, but it’s not the same as love.
I thought I was complete before I met Brooks. That I didn’t need anything or anyone else. I had my family and my career. And it’s true, I was content; I wasn’t unhappy. But now, I understand it was like a piece of my soul was lost, wandering the universe, trying to get back to me. It was a piece I’d never had, so how could I know that it was missing? I couldn’t feel the loss until Brooks put it back in place, mending my soul and making me whole.
I want that for my brothers and sisters. I want to see each of them made whole, too. I see now that the damage of our childhood doesn’t make us unlovable. It doesn’t have to prevent us from choosing to love and trust.
I make a silent vow that, if given the opportunity, I’ll encourage my siblings to find the same kind of happiness I’ve found. I might have to push them the way Lilah pushed me. Or, more accurately, the way she set things in motion with startling insight. Remembering the way she screamed and dodged Chelsea’s bouquet last night, I think she might be a bit of a challenge.
Last night. Oh lord. Last night was amazing. Wrong time and place to have a wandering mind, but I can’t help the replay of Christmas Eve. The way he tossed me on the bed like I weighed nothing. The love bites on my inner thighs, still visible this morning. I wonder if they’re still there and I press my thighs together at the thought.
‘Oh fuck. You’re so wet. Did you get yourself all worked up teasing me?’ Brooks’ voice echoes in my mind. Talking dirty is officially my catnip. I’m pretty sure I’d give him anything he wanted if he asked for it in that bedroom voice of his. ‘Jesus Christ, that’s fucking sexy. Look at that ass bounce while I fuck you.’
Just the thought of him gripping my hips while he fucked me from behind has me squirming in his lap. I’m trying to hold still, to block it out of my mind. Wrong time, wrong place, I chastise myself. It doesn’t matter what I try to tell my vagina, though; she is not listening.