I smiled despite myself, feeling closer to my father in this particular moment than I had in years. “Yeah,” I agreed. “Time to burn the midnight oil.”
17
IRIS
Remus’ Safe House
Travis County, Texas
Ijolted awake, staring blankly across the foreign room. My heart thundered in my chest, and for a moment, I thought I’d been having a nightmare — that opening my eyes had already banished it back to the netherworld. I tipped my head, listening, but there was nothing. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, willing my pulse to settle back down when I heard it: a whimper. Not just a whimper, but it sounded like it was someone being hurt, or someone who was already in pain.
I was on my feet within moments, swaying dangerously with how quickly I’d just gotten up. But it didn’t matter to me, and as soon as I could convince my leaden feet that we could move without falling down, I stumbled across the bedroom, wrenching open the door. Bella’s room was just across the hall and I barely managed not to whip that door open, too. I could now see Bella curled up in a tiny ball, her cheeks already glistening as she clutched Luna’s wolf plushie against her chest.
My heart ached at the sight of her like that. I’d woken up in so many strange rooms, and I knew exactly how she felt. I’d been older than Bella when I was put into the foster system, but I wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. I didn’t know if understanding what had happened made it easier to digest, or if the knowledge that my parents had been killed was a horrific weight I could never shake.
I took a breath, pushing those thoughts to the side. Eli had a fair point earlier — Bella’s parents might still be useful to the people running Project Night Moon, and I didn’t want to make the little girl any more upset than she already was.
“It’s okay,” I murmured quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed. I held my arms out, not wanting to force her, but I needn’t have worried. The little girl all but threw herself into them, pressing her wet face against my shoulder as she shuddered. I wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug. “It’s okay, Bella. You’re safe here.”
I knew it wasn’t okay. I was certain she missed her parents — why wouldn’t she? She probably had no idea what had actually happened to them, or why they hadn’t come to get her yet. She still didn’t really know who I was, much less Eli or Luna or Remus or any of the other wolves. As I rubbed Bella’s back, her near-silent sobs slowly calmed, and eventually, she pulled her face back, rubbing at her eyes with her hands.
“Do you want to go back to sleep?” I asked her.
Bella shook her head.
“Okay,” I said, reaching forward to push some of the messy hair away from her face. “What if we talk for a little bit?”
The little girl paused for a moment, and then she nodded. For a moment, I thought she might say something, but she just looked up at me expectantly.
Despite myself, I laughed softly. “Leaving the topics up to me, hmm? I see how it is.” I smiled warmly at her, and her dour expression seemed to lighten a little. “Believe it or not, it’s been a little while since I was that small. I hadn’t even met my best friend yet when I was your age; that was when I got a little older. That’s something you’ll have to look forward to.”
I tried to keep my focus on the happy memories of my childhood, not wanting to pile my own trauma on top of Bella’s. “I think I was about six or seven when we met. My parents had taught me how to shift, and I wasn’t very good at shifting on my own, or holding my wolf’s form, but I thought shifting was the best thing ever.” I paused, leaning close as if I was sharing a deeply guarded secret. “Between you and me, I still think it’s the best thing ever. And I would take any opportunity I could to run across the tundra with my wolf. It was springtime — or springtime for Alaska, I’m sure it would already be very hot here in Texas in June — and the fireweed was blooming. It was so pretty! It’s this lovely purple color, and it smells really sweet. Some people even make desserts with it.”
I paused, laughing softly at myself. I was clearly getting sidetracked, and maybe even a little homesick. While I often missed the people I had grown up with, I hadn’t had the same sort of longing for the land I’d grown up on. Maybe I just hadn’t allowed myself to think too deeply about it, because at the moment, I could practically smell the blossoms in my nostrils and the scent of damp earth after little paws had run over it.
“Anyway. I was out in the fireweed, enjoying the afternoon before I had to go home and help my mother tidy up, when I all but ran into another wolf — and she was about my age! She was as white as snow, just like me, so I knew immediately we were packmates. I hadn’t gone to any pack meetings yet, you see; I wasn’t old enough. And the territory was very big for a pack so small, so it wasn’t hard to live on our own. But I was just so excited to meet another wolf! We raced and raced and raced until I was so tired I couldn’t even stand anymore. Our mothers had to come find us and fetch us home for dinner. I probably should have been in trouble, but I was so happy to have met someone my age, and I think my mother was happy for me, too. Alice and I were as thick as thieves after that.”
I finally paused, looking back down at my audience. Bella was staring up at me with wide eyes. Her death grip on her stuffed toy had relaxed some. I smiled down at her. “I’m sure you’ll meet someone like that,” I told her, nodding. “You won’t be expecting it, but you’ll be very glad to meet her. Or him!” Best friends could come in any shape or size or package.
I reached forward, tucking a strand of light brown hair behind her ear. “I know things are really scary right now. I know you’re sad and confused. It’s hard. All of this is hard. I’m sad and confused, too,” I told her, not wanting her to feel alone with her emotions. “And it’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now. I know words can be hard…and all those feelings inside can make them feel even harder.”
I’d never gone entirely mute, but there were certainly days, especially in my first few foster homes, where I’d say as little as I possibly could. If I could get through a school day without speaking, I’d consider it a win. “But just know you aren’t alone, okay? You have me if you want to talk, or you need a hug, or maybe you just want to sit and watch the sky. All of that is more than okay.”
Nic openedthe door and poked his head in a few minutes later, smiling gently when he saw the two of us. “Sorry,” he murmured quietly, inclining his head. “I thought I heard something and wanted to make sure Bella was alright.”
I offered the man a tired smile. His new grandparent senses must still be on high alert, even though his own grandsons weren’t infants anymore. “We’re alright,” I said, still brushing a hand over Bella’s head. “I think she had a nightmare, so we were just sitting and chatting for a bit. Right?” I looked down at her and smiled.
I didn’t expect for the little girl to give an answer, but to my surprise, she gave a firm nod after a few seconds of thought. A startled laugh escaped me, and I squeezed her with my one free arm, the other still tucking her close against my side.
Nic rumbled happily, stepping further into the room. “And how are you doing, Iris?”
I paused, not entirely sure how to answer that — and not entirely sure how I felt about Eli’s father asking me that question, either. “I’ve been better,” I finally answered, not wanting to give him all the details. “But I’ll be a lot better once we find these freaks and put a stop to their plan for good.”
The man nodded, his rumble this time much less warm and much more…alpha-y. There had to be a word for that. “Eli and I have been working on it all evening,” he said, his brows knit together. “It does feel like for every question we answer, three more appear.”
I sighed and shook my head. “A regular hydra,” I replied, the corner of my mouth twitching. “You know, I’m starting to feel like I’m in a movie or something. My usual cases were regarding runaways or sh — crappy exes who were trying to blackmail someone,” I said, catching myself before I swore. My eyes flickered down to Bella.
She might not be talking right now, but the last thing I need to do is teach her a few curse words before she turns four.