It was as if something snapped into place, and she felt the cold brush a dread skitter over her skin as her heart raced with real fear. Her symbiont pulsed, but Terri locked down her control on it. It didn’t stop it from pulsing hotly on her arm, nor the tiny metal tendrils shifting below her skin, but she managed to keep it under control this time.
“You’re worried. That’s why you’ve been acting strange. You don’t want them to suspect that I’m here and come for me.”
Reluctantly, he inclined his head in a nod, sending another spike of fear through her.
“Yes.” He sighed again. “My mother-kin will protect us as much as they can, and this household is a safe zone where not many can penetrate, so few will even dare without good reason. Our presence here is not known to the council, but if they learn you are here, then it would give them legal reason to tear this household apart looking for you.”
He paused, his eyes narrowing as she sucked in a ragged breath.
“Calm yourself, anastha. I will not allow it to happen. This was why I did not wish you to know. I do not want you to fear. It was especially concerning when you were carrying our offspring, but even now, I do not like the way your vitals are jumping.”
“Well, obviously keeping it from me didn’t help at all,” she snapped, her anger causing her words to hiss out, though she kept the volume down so not to wake Harahna. “Not only did I not know just how much danger I was in while under your family’s so-called protection, I also had to go through all the bullshit with your secrecy. Do you have any idea how the fuck that made me feel? Pretty shitty. Like I was being shunned for some reason that I couldn’t even guess at—and all in front of your family.” Her eyes narrowed dangerously at him. “Did they know? Did everyone know but me?”
He shook his head, a flash of remorse crossing his face. “No. Although the entire household knew to keep our presence a secret, only those who went with me to meet with the minor houses knew and were sworn to silence. It was brought to my attention that if I distanced myself, the knowledge of an alien female present who is mated with an Argurma male—something that has never happened in our history—would stand a better chance of containment.”
Terri drew in a sharp breath, her eyes widening.
“Malraha knew then, and that’s what provoked her offer.”
“Yes, she thought it would make it more convincing if I hid you deeper within the compound and publicly took her as my mate,” he agreed, his eyes flashing as he looked up at her. “It was beyond considering. I would do anything to protect you, but I would never consider that. I did not wish to cause you pain or fear with this secret. I did not wish you feel any harm from it,” he admitted, his composed mask slipping for the first time as his lips pulled back from his teeth in a sorrowful grimace, his eyes squeezing shut.
Something about the broken rawness touched her wounded heart.
“I don’t like secrets—ever. I’ve spent too much of my life knowing that survival is dependent on being aware of the dangers around me.”
“I did not wish that life for you now that you are my mate,” he said quietly. “I would do anything to protect you.”
“Well, that’s great, but what you have done is prove that I can’t trust you, that I have to watch your actions like everything else around me,” she said bitterly. “You hurt me. I hope you understand just how much.”
His head dipped low, eyes squeezing tighter, making hard lines in the fine scales around them.
“I will take any punishment you offer for the offense,” he rasped. “I knew that I wounded myself with my deceit, but I feel it even greater now. Never have I regretted anything so much as causing this pain and breaking something important within our mating bond.”
“I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around all of this. I need time,” she huffed, her fingers rubbing at her temples. “I do want to know one thing… Did you ever, even for a second, regret our mating and wish that you could have taken an Argurma female as Malraha suggested?”
“Never!” he snarled passionately.
She swallowed back a surge of emotion and stepped closer to him, her hands brushing the side of his face. His nuzzled her hand even as it stroked back to brush against his vibrissae. They promptly wrapped around her hand and fingers devotedly.
“And if the council finds out about us?”
“Then we will seek our far mother-kin in the Blowing Sands,” he growled, his eyes snapping open to meet hers. “They will give us refuge. We leave them in peace, knowing that they cultivate in their mines the wealth of our people even as we extend our protections and resources from other parts of our territory to them. We keep their locations secret and our trade routes among the sands known by only a few. They do not trust anyone else but their mother-kin, and so we will be safe among them until we can leave.”
A shudder rippled through her as she tried to imagine being out in the wilds among strangers even more brutal and terrifying than those within the household.
“Very well,” she whispered as she allowed herself to be cocooned in her mate’s arms.
There, she took solace and grabbed whatever peace she could as her heart attempted to stitch itself back together and heal. She would find a way to trust him again so their bond could be repaired once more, just as he had to find a way to make amends for it.
They owed that to themselves—and to their daughter.
Her eyes dropped to Harahna, her innocence clutching tight to Terri’s heart. Their family would survive this.
24
Normally, the arrival of a daughter of the line, especially one destined to someday be Ahanvala, would be a huge affair. All the minor households of their line would have been invited to the compound as well as the Ahanvala of neighboring territories. This could not be the case for Harahna, and Veral was irrationally angry about it even though it had been his decision. Only those of the household were in attendance in the central gathering room, their expressions lit with curiosity as they drew in close to meet Harahna.
His daughter should have been traditionally greeted, and he could not ignore the fact that excluding the minor households was a grave insult, but one he hoped to remedy with the visual record he was taking of the event. Their entire line would know and bear witness to Harahna’s arrival, even if they could not attend in-person.