I’ll eventually figure it out even though Rai always has her walls up around me. The fact that she lost her memories doesn’t change her personality.
She doesn’t spare me a glance during the entire ride, focusing on her phone, replying to work emails and whatnot. Her workaholic nature is still the same even with lost memories.
As soon as we stop in front of the house, she climbs out without saying a word.
I follow after and grab her by the arm. She swings around so fast, her hand lays on my chest for balance.
“What?” There’s subtle wariness in her tone that I wouldn’t have noticed if I weren’t so attuned to her physical reaction. It’s almost as if she’s scared, but of what? Who?
I palm her cheek and she remains as still as a statue, her breathing crackling before she whispers, “What is it?”
“Do you remember when I told you there are times when you have to make drastic decisions?”
She gulps, her throat working with the motion. It takes everything in me not to grab her by that throat and kiss the fuck out of her until I bruise her delicate lips. I should really get a fucking trophy for abstaining the past week. Having her by my side and not touching her is bloody blasphemy. However, she’s been weak and doesn’t eat properly, so I will wait until she’s in better shape. Because the next time I fuck her, she’ll be all in like usual.
“I don’t. I have no memories, remember?”
The fucking memories.
I try telling myself I’ll make her learn everything about us and, with time, she’ll remember me, but the fact remains: I loathe this feeling.
I was never a nobody in Rai’s life, not even when we lived continents apart, so being a nobody to her now is like a black hole. With every passing day, that hole gets bigger, wider, deeper, and it’ll eventually drag me to its bottom if I let it.
That’s why I’ve been telling her pieces of my life I didn’t offer before. I’m even mentioning my real parents when everyone else thinks Igor is my father. My logic was simple: if she gets to know me better, maybe she’ll understand my motives and eventually remember me.
“I once said that when you’re cornered and have no way out except if you hurt others, that’s exactly what you should do, Princess.”
“What made you have that philosophy?”
“I’ve been in such a situation before, and I figured the only method to get out of it alive was if I kill my way out. Sure, I could’ve come up with a more traditional method, but that’s not how the world works.”
“So you solve all your problems by using that philosophy?”
“Most of the time.”
“But there are some times where you don’t use it?”
Yes. There are times like these where I want to throw everything into the air, carry her in my arms, and go far away from this world and all the tragedies associated with it.
Instead of telling her that, I brush my lips against hers for the briefest second before I claim her mouth. Her taste is both an aphrodisiac and an adrenaline wave. She makes me feel like everything is possible, including the part where I will whisk her with me once my mission is complete.
Rai doesn't kiss me back or wrap her arms around me, but she opens her lips the slightest bit, allowing me to feast on her tongue and drink in her scent.
Jesus fucking Christ. She’s the best thing I've ever had the pleasure of tasting, and if the bulge in my trousers is any indication, I’m more than ready for more.
I pull away to not fuck her over the hood of the car. While I’m completely fine with the public setting, I might have to gouge out the eyes of every fucking guard who looks at her, and that’s just extra work with no pleasure.
Rai stares at me funny as if she’s searching for something on my face or relearning my features all over again.
I allow her explorations, but only because I also want to study her and engrave her expression to memory so whenever I think of her or crave to touch her, I’ll have this image of her in the corner of my mind.
“Don’t you have to go back to the company?” she murmurs.
“One more moment. I haven’t gotten my fill of you.”
“Do you ever?”
“Nah, not really. So stay still.” I brush her hair behind her ear, letting the golden strands fall between my fingers. She’s been wearing it down lately, probably because she doesn’t remember her cold, stern phase, and while I love how she looks, I’m constantly in the mood to snipe down every fucker who looks in her direction.
“How long am I supposed to stay here, Kyle?”
“As long as it takes, wife.”