“What do you want in return?” I ask, relenting.
“Well, I’m not sure right now, but I will know when the time comes. I can make this very easy for you if you can assure me you’ll come through when I need you to,” he replies, each word heavy with meaning.
I take a deep breath, considering the lengths I may need to go to repay Santiago. Keeping them here would more than jeopardize our mission.
“Okay, fine. Take them with you, let me know their exact location, and try to get a status update once per hour on the hour,” I say.
We shake hands, and he rallies about ten of his own men to corral the women into a few of the armored trucks he’s brought with them.
It feels inhumane, animalistic even, but it needs to be done. These women are a liability at best and a lifelong maximum security prison sentence at worst.
I watch the armored truck speed away from the encampment, praying to whoever that the women will somehow stay docile and cooperative until we at least have Marat in our custody.
Once they’re out of sight, I pull my megaphone back out and stand up through the sunroof of my vehicle. “We’ve secured your women, and we will not stop pursuing you until you’re dead and rotting. Release yourself from the grip of a slow death by starvation. This is your final warning, Marat.”
24
RIVER
Waiting in the encampment out in the desert has been taking a huge toll on me, especially with hiding the pregnancy test in my clothes.
Adas has tried to have sex with me a couple of times, but I’ve felt so disgusting and sweaty that even I don’t want to get undressed for him. We’ve been living in a van for two weeks now, and the whirlwind excitement of a forbidden stakeout has completely lost its appeal to me.
Everyone has started to smell absolutely awful, and resources are becoming harder to obtain now that we’re missing half the men that Adas started with.
Even through all this, I still have to take that goddamn pregnancy test.
I’ve been relieving myself at one of the appointed spots along the tree line, but I’m always being supervised by Adas as he’s fearful that I’ll fall and hurt myself or be targeted by his enemies. I understand his hesitancy to let me get away, but I’m starting to feel even more smothered than I was when I couldn’t walk at all.
During our downtime, which is all the time, I’ve been working hard at practicing walking to ease my boredom a bit. It’s been the only thing I can endure for longer than an hour; there are no books in English at the shops, only pulp fiction romance novels written in Spanish.
“Hey, babe, I’m going to go to the bathroom quick, but I want to do it on my own. I need to challenge myself a little, and walking without your help is important to my recovery,” I lie as Adas returns to the van after a meeting.
“Honey, you know you can’t just go off by yourself. I need to be with you,” he presses, reaching out for my hand and glancing at me with confusion when I don’t give it to him.
“I’m going on my own, Adas. I need to spend ten minutes away from you, away from everyone, or I’m going to go batshit,” I threaten, feeling my eyes going crazy as my voices grows in intensity.
He raises his eyebrows at me. “You think you’re the only one who wants to get away? We’ve all been suffering out here, baby.It’s making you stronger.”
I feel like I’m about to explode and kill every person within a twenty-mile radius of me. “I don’t want to be strong,sweetie.I want to piss by myself like a person and not a goddamn war prisoner while you watch me.”
“You might want to watch your tone if you want to have special privileges. But fine, go by yourself. I will be timing you. It will be good for your walking progress,” he replies bitterly.
I want to sigh in relief, but I know it’s not a good idea to give Adas any indication that his presence is burdensome for me. He’d immediately demand to know why, and I’m sure he’d find out without much pressure.
As I limp away from the encampment, I search the nearby cluster of desert shrubbery for an oasis of relative privacy. As long as I can conceal the test after I’m done, I’ll be fine.
My feet slide around a bit in the sand, but I’m able to find a place behind a few bushes. I slowly squat down, feeling sick to my stomach that the moment isfinally here.I’m finally going to know, and the answer to my question will change the course of my life forever.
I have just enough urine to soak the test strip, but not much more. The water rations we have are running low again, which has put everyone in a horrid mood in this heat. We all need over a gallon of water a day to stay safe, and none of us are getting anywhere near that.
If I’m pregnant, that’s not safe for the baby.
The three-minute waiting period feels like a vacation away from the legion of antagonistic, belligerent men I’ve had to endure for the entire time I’ve been here. I want desperately to go home, but Adas insists that he “needs his woman by his side.”
He’s always going on about mysafety,but here I am in the middle of a glorified warzone.
Two bright pink lines form on the test, and all of the blood rushes out of my face. I lie in the sand and scrubby underbrush to avoid passing out, dropping the test into the sand and hastily digging a hole to bury it in.