I sigh heavily. “Okay, I know you don’t have the capacity to understand why someone might want to marry someone like River, but I don’t have the time to explain it to you, and it sure as shit isn’t my responsibility.”
He scoffs, and I can practically hear him rolling his eyes at me. “Right. Dude, you’re not even really married to her. She’s some hood girl with a broken brain that you picked up from the side of the road like a stray cat. You literally don’t owe her fucking anything.”
I feel my gut churn at that phrase.
He has no idea what I owe her.
“Erik, either you can be a smartass who fucking knows everything and wins every argument we have, or you can keep your fucking job and get a twenty percent bonus after we get back from putting Marat’s head on a fucking spike. Do you understand me, you fucking maggot?”
He lets out a long, dramatic, gravelly sigh.
“Yes, fine, Adas. Whatever you want. But she’s not your fucking wife, and I can’t wait until you get bored with her and find a girl we can actually take out to the fucking bars with us without getting looked at funny. I’m not a charity dater, and neither are you.”
I hang up without another word. If he wants to keep three of the four tires on his car from being slashed open, he needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut.
But no matter how angry his insolence makes me, there’s a tiny voice of truth in what he’s saying that speaks volumes louder than he ever could.
By the time I get back to the estate from failing to track Marat all day, River is already half asleep in her bed with her laptop open, playing the eleventh season of some TV show she’s been binging on lately.
“Hey, can you get up for a sec? I have to talk to you about something.”
She’s slowly roused awake, clearly unhappy that I had awoken her but miraculously not mad about seeing me. “Yeah? What is it?” she asks.
“I need to leave for Mexico tomorrow. Marat, the asshole who tried to kill you, has been spotted there. There’s not a lot I can say, but basically, he’s there while he waits for an investigation with the DEA to cool off. I need to go there first thing in the morning, track him down, and kill him.”
She sits up straighter, glancing at me in disbelief. “Marat, your rival? How can you be sure that he’s there? That’s a huge risk to take.”
“Babe, I know it’s a huge risk. This is my entire livelihood, remember? That’s why I need to do it,” I reply, reminding myself that I need to be patient with her. If something happens to me in Mexico, this could be the last time I see her.
“Okay, well... be safe, alright?” she says, running her hand through my hair.
“Of course. I’ll do the best I can to return to you,” I reply, catching her hand and kissing it before giving it back to her.
A silence falls over us for a moment.
“I love you, River,” I say, both feeling relieved that I’ve finally said it out loud and unprepared for whatever response will come.
River’s eyes shoot open like she’s just seen someone get hit by a car. She doesn’t reply at all, even though it’s clear she’s grasping at something to say, anything to lessen the awkwardness of what I’d just said.
“You know, it’s fine, don’t worry about it,” I say in defeat, getting up from the edge of her bed and leaving without another word.
Maybe Erik was right.
Maybe I’ve made a huge fucking mistake.
16
RIVER
I’ve been lying in my bed by myself since Adas left.
I know that I can’t truly be upset with him. These are the kinds of things that I must endure to maintain the lifestyle that Adas’s business affords us. Either way, I don’t like it.
Throughout the day, I’ve tried convincing myself to leave my bedroom for any reason. I haven’t been able to make it happen. Lying here while I stare at the ceiling feels like the only thing I can do well right now.
At around six PM, I grow irritated with myself for refusing to move all day.
If you just try to walk, you can come back and sleep some more. But only then.