I feel my heart swelling in my chest.
Finally, I can understand just a little bit about who we were before everything crashed around us. He loves me for my heart, for my love of romance. No wonder he feels so affection starved. I was probably all over him on a constant basis.
Then another question comes to me.
“What did we do together in the bedroom?” I ask, feeling my cheeks flush even just at asking the question in the first place.
He smiles a little and turns to me, finally breaking through that stone-cold exterior. “You really want to get into all of that right now?”
My face grows hot and red, and I nervously glance over to the oblivious young man in the driveway as he continues to wash the car.
“Yes, I do. Tell me everything.”
He shrugs, pretending to be ambivalent to the question even though I’ve clearly hooked him. “Well, we were very adventurous, that’s for sure. We did a lot of things that most couples wouldn’t dream of. You were very submissive, which made things interesting.”
I was submissive?
“Um, would you be able to give me some details?” I ask nervously, feeling myself begin to shake a little. Am I even ready to have this conversation?
He smiles subtly and laughs a bit. “Well, you were very inexperienced when we first met. You had only had one boyfriend since high school, and I guess he wasn’t very gifted in that area. When I introduced you to BDSM, your whole worldview changed.”
I turn my chair towards him a bit more, facing away from the man washing the car. “It wasn’t too painful, was it?”
“I mean, you always told me to keep going when it was painful, so I guess that’s something you need to decide for yourself. I think you liked serving me no matter how much it hurt,” he replies, the light in his eyes changing as his voice darkens.
Even throughout this whole ordeal of having to re-learn who I am, I never took myself for a masochist. But it sounds like Adas knows me better than I know myself in a lot of ways.
“Did we ever make any sex tapes?” I ask.
His eyes widen a bit, perhaps in shock that I’d ask something like this after only just opening up about sex at all.
“We tried, but you always said that you didn’t like how you looked in them, so I didn’t keep any,” he replies rather quickly.
Even though I know I’m not unattractive by any means, I’m not surprised that I would be put off by my appearance in a sex tape. It seems plausible enough.
I breathe in deeply, feeling my thoughts running away with me as I begin to grow self-conscious and anxious. “Do you still find me attractive?” I ask, fearing the answer.
He looks at me like I’ve gone insane. “Are you serious? You are and always have been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he says, reaching out and stroking my inner forearm lightly.
Finally, he’s touching me again.
The sensation of his skin on mine sends a wave of electricity through me, all the way from the top of my head down to the blurry, hazy borders of my hips where my feeling begins to lessen.
Even still, it feels like all of me for now.
And all of my body wants him.
“Do you really mean that?” I ask, indulging my vanity just a little to make up for all of the time we’ve spent so distant.
“Of course. If I could, I would take you on the grass in the front yard so everyone could see how badly I want you,” he replies, reaching up and tucking my hair behind my ear.
With that, I feel a flutter in my chest that overwhelms me at first. When I let myself feel it, I realize that I want to climb into his lap and let him have his way with me.
“Um, I’m feeling a bit warm, so I’m going to go inside,” I say shakily.
He squeezes my arm lightly. “Alright, do whatever you need to do,” he says as he gets up to help me back inside.
Even though I know I can open the door on my own now, I let him assist me, knowing how happy it makes him. He needs to feel needed; that’s something I’m learning about him very quickly.