"Yeah?" I called bullshit on this asshole. Whatever he was trying to do here—this intimidation shit he was trying to pull—it wasn't going to work. At all. "If that's true then what the fuck happened?" I knew I sounded pissed, but I thought I had every right to be.
"She broke up with me."
"Huh." I tried not to sound like a smart ass. Really, I did.
"Yeah." He nodded. His eyes narrowed at me. "See, the thing is—we talked about my move to college before I left. And we had this stupid agreement, that we could kind of see other people while I was away. I think she was scared that college would be too tempting for me. And the truth is—it was. At the beginning, anyway. I made out with a few girls, but it was all physical. None of it meant anything. And the minute it was over I called her. I fucked up. Made a mistake. And Dimmy—being Dimmy—she just shrugged it off. Said she understood, that it made her sad, but she agreed to it, so what could she do? That's the thing about Dimmy, she's just that fucking perfect."
I shook my head and laughed once. "What are you trying to say? That you want her back? You want to have it out to see who she wants? Is that it?"
"No asshole. Not even close."
"Then what? What's your problem?"
"My problem is that she called me that summer." He was the one pissed now, speaking through clenched teeth. "Five o'clock in the fucking morning, to break up with me. Said she'd just gotten home from an actual date with some jerk. She said she could see herself being happy with him. That this guy made her feel things she never felt before—not even with me. It broke my fucking heart. But what could I do? We were states away. And she sounded happy. If she wanted to be happy with some other asshole then who the fuck was I to stand in her way?"
I stayed silent, looking at the floor, shocked by what he was telling me. That she broke up with her boyfriend of what? Two, three, years? To be with me. And I fucked it up.
"So I let her go," he continued. I didn't to stop him. Whatever he had coming, I deserved it. "I let her fucking go, this girl I wanted to be with forever. And you know what the worst thing is, Logan?" He spat out my name. "The worst thing is that she called me back a few weeks later, crying her eyes out, begging me to take her back. And I wanted to. I so badly wanted to. But I couldn't. And you know why?"
I swallowed. "Wh-" My voice cracked. I cleared my throat. "Why?" I said again.
"Because I made a mistake, I fooled around with girls. I gave them my body. A physical act. But that's all it was. Just physical. Dimmy though, she wanted more. She gave a part of herself to someone else. She was willing to give her mind, and her heart to this jerk. She wanted to actually live a life without me and be with someone else. And as much as I wish I could've forgiven her—or at least tried to understand it—I just couldn't."
It was silent for a long moment while I took in every single fucking thing he said.
"Apparently the kid never called her back after that night. It's strange though..." He's using that same knowing, mocking tone as before. "She swears she never slept with him. So I don't get it. I don't get what the deal was. He didn't use her for sex, so what the hell happened?"
I kept my mouth shut.
He sighed.
I looked up at him. "That's it?" I wanted to get the fuck out of this room.
He stared back, holding my gaze for what felt like a lifetime.
"That's not even close to being it."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
He stood and started pacing the floor.
Now I was edgy and I wanted this conversation done. "What else?"
An hour passed while he told me in detail, everything that happened that summer.
All of it.
"So what happened?" I finally got out. I couldn't look at him. Because if he saw me, he'd know. He'd know it was all my fucking fault.
"To what?"
"To that asshole?" I could feel the vomit creep up my throat. I swallowed it down.
"Ethan and his friend took care of him."
"How?"
"Not important," he deadpanned.
"Fuck," I breathed out.
"Yeah. Fuck." He eyed me for a long time, deciding what to say next. Then finally, "Ethan doesn't know, Logan."
"What?"
"He doesn't know it was you. That you're the guy she broke up with me for. He doesn't know. And if he did, I don't know that you'd be standing here right now."
***
Ty left, and so did I. I called my buddy from the frat house. We used to party hard when we were freshman.
"I was wondering if you'd ever come back around," he said, when he pulled into the driveway. I got in and didn't say a word.
I just wanted to forget. I wanted to forget everything Ty just told me and I wanted to pretend like it never happened. I need to pretend like Amanda doesn't exist. I couldn't be with her and she sure as shit couldn't fall for me. Not now. Not ever. I wouldn't fucking let her.
"You wanna drink or smoke?" he asked.
"All of it," I told him.
Amanda
I got home from work just after midnight, but he wasn't home. I thought he would've texted to let me know he wouldn't be here, but I guess we're not really at that stage where we need to tell each other where we are at all times. I called him twice, but he didn't answer. I don't know whether to wait for him in my bed or his, so I just stayed in my room, missing the shit out of him.