I miss havingher brilliant green eyes on me as soon as she’s gone.
Gwen is always staring at me; I both love and hate it. Having people look at me has always been uncomfortable. Even more so now that I have the thick, ugly scars littered across my body.
I subconsciously run a hand up my right side, feeling the raised skin through my shirt. The scars start on my right thigh and stretch over my torso, curling up the right side of my neck. They serve as a constant reminder of the accident and everything I lost. I’m no good for Gwen, and it’s time my confused heart understood that.
Rolling out my shoulders, I try to put thoughts of the raging bull that destroyed my body and career out of my head, as well as thoughts of the curvy, bubbly blonde who waltzed into my life three months ago. It’s no use, however.
Green eyes filter into my mind, simultaneously calming me and making me agitated. How that’s possible, I have no damn idea. I’d never admit it, but I love having her eyes on me. Deep down in the far reaches of my soul, I know exactly why I want all of her attention. I’d never speak those words out loud, though. It’s too risky.
I make my way into the barn, ducking under the low beam and smile as four horses greet me.
“Hey there. Are you ready to stretch your legs?” I ask them quietly. Picasso nods his head, making me chuckle softly.
I take a step closer to the gray Quarter Horse, reaching out so he can sniff me. Once he nuzzles into my hand, I stroke his long snout, peering into his big brown eyes. I blink slowly as I continue petting Picasso. He’s soaking up the attention, butting against my hand to encourage me to keep going.
“Feeling a little extra needy today?” I whisper, smoothing my hand over the coarse hair on his neck. Picasso snorts, and I groan as I pull my hand away, covered in slobber. I swear he’s smirking at me, the little devil.
Wiping off my hand, I turn to the others.
“Anyone else feeling feisty this morning?”
Bella, a tan Quarter Horse, neighs and nods her head.
“Of course, I should have expected that,” I tell her, reaching out to stroke her snout. Bella has always been spirited. She was my first real challenge when I came back to work on the farm after the accident. I don’t do as much as my brothers, but I like it that way. I have more of a connection with the horses I train since I only have a few.
Bella got me through the hardest six months of my life. She gave me a purpose when I thought I had nothing else to live for. There were plenty of days I wanted to stay in bed and hide from the world, but I knew I couldn’t let Bella down.
These days, I’ve found a new purpose, which is problematic. Especially since I can never have her, and she’s leaving soon.
I get a lead rope and head back to the first stall, clipping the rope to Picasso’s halter and opening his stall door to lead him outside.
“Hey,” Kai says as I unhook Picasso in the western pasture.
“Hey,” I greet him.
We turn together and head into the barn, and I grab the next horse while he heads to grab his own lead rope. We get all of the horses out into the field to graze before he joins me at the fence.
“Are you ready for the summer to be over?” he asks.
It sounds like an innocent question, but I know what he’s asking me.
Am I ready for Gwen to leave?
“Sure,” I respond, trying to sound aloof. It’s not hard since that’s my natural state of being. I’ve hardly spoken the word before Kai shakes his head.
I’ve been sticking to myself ever since the accident, mostly hanging out in the stables with the horses or holing up inside my cabin. That is until I hired Gwen. I wish I had paid more attention to who I was hiring. I didn’t think it mattered, so I just accepted the first applicant and closed out the job posting.
Then I met Gwen and realized that she’s an incurable optimist and chatty to boot. From the moment she stepped inside my home, Gwen has left a trail of laughter and wholesomeness that I don’t deserve. The second day she worked for me, the woman picked a handful of wildflowers and placed them in a vase I didn’t know I had. It’s stayed in the center of the kitchen table all summer, and Gwen replaces the flowers every day. Who does that?
In other words, she’s my opposite in every way. I thought she would get on my nerves and I’d be firing her in less than a week.
Instead, I went and fell in love with her.
Thought we weren’t admitting that,I think to myself.
The truth is, I fell in love with Gwen the first time she smiled at me. I opened the door when she knocked, and looked down into her mesmerizing green eyes. I remember thinking that they looked like the grass blowing in the breeze. Then she smiled and they fucking shined.
I swear I felt her goodness all the way down to my toes. It was unlike anything I’ve experienced before or since. The air drained from my lungs, replaced with her cinnamon sugar scent.