If someone knows the answer, then hopefully, they can let a guy know. Because I haven’t got a clue. Besides my addiction to a certain someone.
I sigh loudly to myself and stare out the window. I really wish I had my car because these fucking Ubers are getting expensive.
The campus isn’t big, which surprised me. The way Chloe talked about this school, I thought it was a huge school with an even bigger campus. Maybe I built it up in my head, from her words and my own imagination, jealous she was leaving. Jealous I wasn’t going with her.
But I like how small it is. It’s less overwhelming and more welcoming. At least it seems anyway. And being minutes from California’s coast and the mountains is incredible. This place really is gorgeous. No wonder she chose it.
With my hat tucked low, I try to blend into the steady stream of students walking around. I wonder what it would be like to be a student here. Would I rush around from class to class like a good student, or would I waste my money and fuck around, not giving two shits?
I still don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I can’t figure out a clear direction. It appears so easy to everyone else, but to me, it seems impossible.
My life feels like one empty void stretched infinitely in front of me. Chloe made it better. She made each moment bearable, someone to be happy about, someone to maybe share a life with. Something I had never really considered before.
Now I’m back to floating aimlessly with no direction.
And that shit only leads to trouble for me.
After walking around for a while, another rush of classes comes out, and more students stream in and out of buildings.
I’m tired of walking, so I stand off to the side and lean against a tree, busying myself with my phone.
Lots of people pass by, but what pulls me away from my phone is the loud, boisterous laughing.
I look up and spot a large group of guys standing around. It makes me miss my guy friends from back home, all of them taking off in various directions.
One guy moves a little to his right, and another one comes into view.
I know that face. Couldn’t forget it if I tried.
Mason.
He jokes and laughs with the group. I eavesdrop and actually laugh a few times at their jokes. One of them makes a joke in reference to the showFamily Guy,and that’s just like something Carter would say. It brings me back to all our car rides after school, reciting lines from movies and shows. Suddenly, I wish I were a part of their group. Maybe then I’d forget all the other shit.
Except Mason.
He’d have to leave. I can easily take his place.
I amuse myself with the scenario in my head when a flash of blond hair catches my eye.
Goody.
My heart pounds like I was just injected with a steroid. My breath catches in my throat.
And pain sears through my chest.
Because Chloe’s now in that circle, laughing and joking with the guys, and standing right next to the one guy I want out.
That should be me standing next to her. Not him.
She looks so pretty. Her skin glows in the warm Cali sun, and I picture how her freckles must look, shining brightly.
Does she have any idea how hard it has been on me with her leaving?
Does she even miss me?
More guys and girls join, and it looks like one big happy family. The laughs cut me like a knife, and the happiness literally knocks the breath out of my lungs.
I can’t stomach it anymore. I can’t take the pain, the hurt. It’s as if I’m a love-sick puppy whose heart just broke, and it makes my fucking skin crawl.