“You wouldn’t have used it properly last week,” Nurse Drew said in a far kinder voice than I’d heard so far. That had Layne shutting up for a solid five minutes.
“Done,” I called out, putting the razor and shaving cream on the floor outside of the shower for her to grab. Layne followed suit a few minutes later before Nurse Drew finally left.
The shower curtain was jerked aside and Layne walked in. Apparently, we were sharing showers now.
“You know we don’t have to share, there’s plenty of showers here,” I pointed out with an eyeroll.
“I’m done anyway, I just didn’t want to get my towel wet,” she said before a wicked smile curved over her face, then quickly faded. “Plus, I think we need to talk.”
The vulnerability in her voice had my stomach sinking.
“If this is about Crew, Layne. I don’t want him like that. He’s great and I think just flirty in general. I’m not looking for anything more than that with him,” I rushed out. She looked up with puppy dog eyes.
“Really?”
I nodded. “Of course. I wouldn’t lie. And I think I have my hands full already.”
“It’s my fault. I’ve messed around with him, but I’ve never told him how I feel. It feels too impossible here. And who knows what happens after this place. If there is an after for people like me.” She’d swiftly gone from happy and snarky right down to depressed.
“What do you mean? It’s four years,” I said. “We’ll figure something out, right? Get an apartment, a job, we’ll have a degree.”
“Sure,” she said halfheartedly. “But I can’t function at a daily job. I’m not delusional enough to think that my down days or my outbursts wouldn’t get me fired. Some of us aren’t cut out for that nine-to-five world.”
“Fuck that world. We don’t have to fit into it, that’s not the only option despite what everyone wants us to believe,” I countered. “I’ve had this fight before, it’s not on us to fit in, we find out where we fit and own that shit. I’m not cut out for sitting in an office either and manual labor?” I held up my thin arms. “Noodle arms prevent that. But I think we can figure something out.”
“Vane won’t let us go. We’re his prize patients,” she said bitterly as a tear tracked down her face. Letting her go down this road further would likely end in a downswing, and I didn’t want that.
“Fuck Vane. He can’t legally do that. And second of all, what are you going to do about Crew?” She laughed through her tears and swiped the back of her hand over her face before butting me out of the way of the spray. “You’re lucky you’re crying, or I’d kick you out of my shower.” She beamed before her gaze went vacant.
“We sneak down to the boiler room because he’s obsessed with fire. If you ever can’t find him, you can almost guarantee he’s there. But... we’re both stuck here, that’s not a fucking reason to get together.”
Since I was done anyway, I opened the curtain and wrapped a towel around myself so I wouldn’t freeze.
“Bullshit,” I declared. “You’re just scared. And from both of your reactions at dinner, I’d say it’s mutual. So woman up and tell him what it is and what you expect.”
She shut off the water in her shower and turned with a sly smile. “Is that what you did with Drake?”
I snorted. “It was much less romantic than that. I couldn’t shake the feel of someone else’s hands on me, like my body wasn’t my own. So I took charge of it, marched up to him, knocked on his door, and told him we were going to fuck. And we did.”
“Tell me he’s at least got a shrimp dick?” Layne pleaded. “Maybe it would make him more bearable.”
“It’s tiny,” I said with a laugh, and she groaned.
“Fuck, he’s huge, isn’t he?”
“Yup,” I agreed. “And surprisingly really fucking good in bed despite being an asshole in general.”
“Yet another reason to hate him.” She huffed. Layne finally finished drying and covered herself. The woman had zero modesty and it was taking some getting used to. I didn’t care but it triggered my grandma’s voice in my head, yelling about modesty. She always forced me to cover my body as if I should be ashamed of it. Yet another reason I had to reclaim it in such a big way. For the first time in literally my entire life, I felt like I was my own person. Yes, I was insane, but I felt like me.
“So what about Hiro?” she asked. “Roman?”
My eyebrows raised to my hairline at that. We hadn’t been overly obvious. She probably heard me with Drake, but I hadn’t done anything of that level with the others. Well, except Monty and he transported me God knows where.
“What about them?” I asked. Heat was creeping into my cheeks, a dead giveaway that I wasn’t as oblivious as I was pretending right now.
Layne rolled her eyes. “Don’t make me flash you again, Harlow. I’m not stupid. Do you think Hiro holds my hand? Do you think Roman has ever come out for anyone but Hiro? No.”
“This is the problem. They’re all so fucking different. I want them all,” I admitted.