“Can we be let out in the courtyard?” Hiro asked in a small voice.
“Sure, let me grab an orderly,” he said quickly. The man stepped away and returned a minute later. “Dale will meet you at the door.”
“Thanks,” Hiro said before dragging me that way.
“You and I have a very different idea of sneaking, Hiro,” I teased. His returning smile was so cute that it made me realize I’d really needed someone like him around. It was funny, but they all seemed so normal to me now. Layne, Crew, Roman, Hiro, hell, even Drake, were all starting to grow on me. We all shared the camaraderie of being trapped here and having the issues we did. I found myself wanting them to like me, to crave to get to know them, to form real connections. I was just over a week in and settling in, but it was moments like this that made it not feel like the walls were closing in.
“Drew doesn’t know so it counts a little,” he defended as a tall orderly with gentle brown eyes and braids that reached his shoulders gestured him over.
“There he is, how are you, Hiro?” he greeted with that same familiarity. “And you are?”
“Harlow,” I answered with a smile. If only the rest of the staff was kind and gentle like these guys. I didn’t even mind that he was checking our backpacks for weapons or anything dangerous before letting us out.
“Nice to meet you, let me know when you’re ready to head in,” he said as he pulled out his phone and led us outside. The moment we walked into the yard he closed the doors and settled on the bench just beside it.
“How can people like that work for Vane?” I wondered out loud as Hiro pulled me along. He didn’t seem eager to let go either.
“Balance,” Hiro suggested quietly. “That’s one thing my grandmother always used to say. The world requires balance. A bad day will be followed soon by a great one. Pain will eventually be followed by relief. And here, the evil is countered with good.”
“She sounds wise,” I said. From the way his face was pinched with sadness, I had a feeling she meant a lot to him.
“She was,” he said without going further into his story. “Have you been out here yet?”
“Once. With Nurse Drew, actually. I needed air and she took a smoke break,” I explained. “I was just staring up at the gargoyles and wishing I was anywhere else.”
“I’ve done that a few times,” he said as his fingers squeezed mine briefly. “It’s hard not to feel so insignificant here. But if it’s any consolation, I’m glad you came.”
“Thanks,” I said. His words burrowed into my chest and settled there, the feeling of acceptance and friendship foreign but addicting. It almost seems too good to be true, and I’d have questioned it from anyone else. But Hiro wasn’t the type to lead me on, to lie just to tease me. And strangely enough, I trusted him. “I feel better now than I have in a long time. At least I’m not quite so lost among the hallucinations.”
“That has to be scary,” he said.
“It was. My mind creates literal monsters. Not all are terrifying, in fact some have turned into a comfort blanket of sorts. Others have me jumping out of my skin. They’re terrifying and feel wrong. Imagine having shadow people surrounding you most of the time, closing in on you when shit gets hard,” I explained. I’d never really voiced what it was like living with the shadows, but it felt good to get out.
“Is that why you screamed at group therapy?” I appreciated his curiosity, it was free of judgment, instead it was like he cared enough to understand. My entire life everyone wanted me to keep them to myself, to pray them away, but Hiro seemed to be asking so he could understand what I was dealing with every day.
“Sort of,” I said simply. “What’s it like for you to live with Roman? Is it just you two?”
“It is now,” he admitted hesitantly. I could tell it wasn’t easy to talk about, and I appreciated he was willing to let me in, even if just a little. “There have been others over the years since... it happened, but I barely remember them now as strange as it sounds. He’s always been the strongest.”
“I’m glad you have him, it sounds kind of nice to have a protector with you,” I whispered. When he froze next to me, I turned to look at him, finding a dazed expression on his face. “What’s wrong? Did I say something stupid? I’m so sorry.”
“No, no,” he reassured me, snapping back to reality. “It’s just... no one ever acknowledged that he wasn’t somethingwrong, you know?” It made me furious that anyone would say Roman was wrong, that Hiro was.
We continued walking in silence for a few moments while I tried to find the right words that weren’t colored by my frustration at how the world viewed him. But all I had to really offer Hiro was empathy and understanding.
“I get that a lot too,” I admitted. “I was raised by a gambling absent father then an abusive grandmother who thought I was possessed. It wasn’t like we asked for this, but we’re also not broken because of it.”
“We aren’t,” he agreed, and the smile on his face had my breath catching. Hiro was beautiful. It was a strange way to describe a guy, especially one taller than me. But he was. His hair was soft and shiny, his eyes bright green and expressive, even his perfectly straight smile lit up his face to make it even more stunning. “Do you like stories?” he asked so abruptly it broke the moment between us.
“What?” I asked, confused. “Like bedtime stories?”
He reached in his backpack and pulled out a well-worn book. “It’s a collection of various mythology. It’s my nerdy specialty.” His smile faltered at my silence, and I could practically see him second-guessing himself.
“I’ve never really had a chance to dive into mythology. I spent a lot of years in a strict house, then on the streets. Sometimes homelessness is better than the ‘home’ you grew up in,” I admitted.
“I was homeless too,” Hiro admitted. “Roman kept us alive and at the time we had more alters. The stress of it all brought more out to play, I think. That year was a blur. By the time we got picked up and sent to a state inpatient facility, I was barely functioning. It was just as hard to manage as being homeless. Despite Dark Haven’s faults, it saved me too. When I came here I started proper medication, found friends, sort of... more importantly, I found myself.”
“Was it weird losing the other alters?” I asked. “Sad?” He thought it over as he clutched the book. His hand was still in mine, so I stroked it with my thumb.