Then the noise abruptly stopped. The silence that followed was almost deafening, my ears ringing when I finally dropped my hands. Relief flooded me, so intense that I almost sobbed at the change. There was also no sign of Monty here. The bastard seemed to always be popping out of existence lately.
Apologies were a sign of weakness. So I simply shook out my tension and walked back to my seat like nothing ever happened. Honestly, I was glad Crew didn’t get slaughtered for yelling at Drake, the supposed psycho of Dark Haven... and that felt like a feat to earn a title like that in a glorified asylum.
“Let’s move back to Harlow,” Dr. Bradley said with a warning glance at the others. His smiles were officially off the table now, his lips pursed together in a thin, strained line. It made him look older and a whole lot less kind.
Everyone else was radiating tension, sharing weary glances. Day one of group therapy and I’d already caused a scene.
Well, that didn’t take long. Nothing like a quick freak out to shake off fake masks.
My lips twisted in a grimace. “You want me to find the good in my trauma?” He nodded and relaxed a bit as he launched into an explanation about how trauma wasn’t good, but we had to find ways to combat it. I tuned him out as I tried to find something I could use to move this conversation along. After my welcome, I wasn’t about to not participate. Not today at least.
“Do my hallucinations saving me, count?” I asked, cutting him off from a long winded explanation. He doesn’t even flinch, simply waving me to go on. “They got me away from the man my dad sold me to, to pay off his gambling debt. I don’t really know what happened, but the monsters that haunted me killed them both. It was a bloodbath. Murder-suicide was the ruling. All I remember were their screams and blood. So much blood. I was covered in it but at least I wasn’t alone?”
The silence that followed was painful, and I almost laughed at their shock. They didn’t bat an eye at Drake’s insanity but at mine they’re all stunned. Well, except Drake, he looked intrigued.
Whoops, guess I overshared. This was why I generally didn’t share at all. My social skills were lacking. If group therapy even counted as a fucking social situation. For me it was usually just me talking to Monty or the other shadows that popped up, horrible conversationalists, but at least I didn’t get this kind of reaction from them.
Dr. Bradley cleared his throat and gripped onto his notebook for dear life. “It sounds like someone was looking out for you. Likely your father more than a hallucination,” he said with a sympathetic look.
“Excuse me? You think the man who sold me was doing it to look out for me?” I laughed bitterly.
“I ... uh,” he stumbled over his words now, realizing what he’d said, or he was flustered at being called out for the insanity of it.
“It was Monty,” I said with confidence, not entertaining his idiotic thoughts any longer.
“Who is Monty?” he asked, but I was done sharing. I pinched my lips closed and sat up taller. Flashes of that night had me balling my hands into fists. The blood covered the floor and me. The man slumped over, pants still undone. My father was at the doorway, knife in hand, but I remembered Monty putting it there after he’d killed them both himself. It was the only time I’d ever questioned if he was real, otherwise, how would that be possible? Or did I do it myself and locked those memories away, using someone like Monty to keep me from losing my mind completely?
But if he saved me then...
Why not today with Dr. Vane?
He and I were going to have a chat when I was alone again.
“Well, that escalated quickly,” Layne blurted out before cackling. The laughter was hysterical and unhinged, but it had Crew joining, then Hiro, and finally I couldn’t stop myself from joining in. Even Drake gave a brief flash of a smirk before it fell away and he was gazing out the window again.
“She’ll fit right in,” Crew agreed as he wiped his eyes, still chuckling to himself. “We’re all crazy here.”
“We don’t use that word,” Dr. Bradley affirmed, likethatwas his hard limit. “And yes, I’d say that would work for finding good. Finding something redeeming about an affliction that we often view as vile or wrong is a great perspective to try and find.”
Okay, now I was positive he was talking out of his ass. I know to everyone else, Monty wasn’t the one who did it, he couldn’t have. But I’d seen Monty blur the lines of reality and fantasy. The scratch on the priest’s face. The murder-suicide. Something in me knew that wasn’t normal and feared that I was really the monster who’d done it all, but how could I? I’d remember that eventually... right?
“Sorry to interrupt and cut you short, but dinner starts in five,” Nurse Drew said as she walked back in, her footsteps echoing in the room that had fallen silent again.
“Great,” Layne said as she hopped up, ready to go. Nurse Drew’s stern look had her sitting back down with an annoyed huff.
“I won’t see you for two more days, but I want you all to be sure to welcome Harlow and not exclude her as she settles in,” he said. “Have a good week, everyone. Next session we’ll dive deeper into finding our positives.”
“Let’s go,” Nurse Drew called out. I followed the others and we all piled into the elevator, taking it down to the basement.
The moment I saw the B on the elevator light up, I felt my body freeze. Like someone was gripping me and pinning me in place, forcing my breaths out in quick little pants. My body hit the back of the elevator as I backed into it, drawing attention to myself. Again.
“Hey, stop,” Drake hissed at me. It shocked me enough my head snapped up. His eyebrows were drawn down like my mere presence pissed him off. “Stop causing a fucking scene. Get your shit together. I’m fucking hungry.”
“No fucking problem, let me just stop my panic attack to appease you,” I snarled with enough venom it drew the attention of Hiro who was standing closest to us. Drake stepped into my personal space, and I thought for a moment Hiro was going to step in. Instead, he closed his eyes the moment he met Drake’s gaze, and when he opened them again, he stepped in between us. His voice was a bit deeper as he leaned in and said something to Drake who just let out a small laugh and stepped away. The others were watching on, curious but wary, and I wasn’t sure if they would have helped or not.
“You all right?” When I didn’t answer, he stooped down, giving me a hard stare until I relaxed. He nodded once at the visible change as if that were answer enough. His movements were choppier than Hiro’s. Where Hiro seemed to close in on himself, keep himself invisible, this version of him stood tall, meeting my eyes without hesitation. He was taller than me, but this was honestly the first time I noticed that. “It’s alright. I’m Roman, we haven’t met. Are you the new girl?”
“Harlow,” I finally answered as I tried to make sense of what was happening. He nodded before stepping even farther away. The elevator seemed to take forever but finally opened and everyone spilled out. When I didn’t follow, Roman stepped back in and gently put a hand on my elbow to guide me off before Nurse Drew could get on me. It was strange, but I felt safe with him. Something about the way he stared at everyone in challenge, yet looked at me like I was something precious to be protected, was strange but reassuring.