“Oh god, what happened?!” She shrieked. I couldn’t blame her for jumping to the worst.
“I’m late,” I hissed into the phone as I let myself inside and raced to my room. Not wanting the guys in with me, I locked the main door and bathroom door before I tuned back in to the call.
“Um, okay. This is big. Are we freaking out?”
“WE are,” I gasped. “I can’t have a baby! I’m living my best life, traveling and going to dangerous locations. How does an infant fit into that?!” My voice raised an octave with each word.
“First, we need to breathe,” Olivia said quickly. “Come on, take a breath.” She made exaggerated breaths so I could follow hers and it helped keep the panic at bay a bit. “Now we are going to pee on that stick I know you have in your hands. No panicking until two lines appear. Remember, stress can cause missed periods and even if you are, there are options, sweetheart. You have support. Fuck, I’ll quit my job and nanny for you, let you guys cart me around the country living my best life, too.”
I laughed at that. Olivia was not the nanny type, but it cleared my head enough I could pull out the instructions and read.
“Well, I hope we’re at the part of our friendship where TMI isn’t a thing, because I’m about to pee and I’m not hanging up,” I warned her before taking the pregnancy test. I flushed and washed my hands, pointedly refusing to look at the test as I counted down the three minutes in my head.
“It’s going to be okay, Brea. You’re not alone,” she repeated again. “I’m here with you.”
“Thank you,” I squeaked out as my voice broke. “Fuck, this is terrifying.”
“And almost over, you’ve got thirty seconds left,” she said. I should have known she’d be counting right along with me. “Okay, time. Take a breath and turn it over.’
I did as she said, not having to think for myself was helping me hold my shit together. When I saw only one line I let out a sob of relief. It was stark white, no faint line in sight and I was far enough it would have shown.
“Apparently it’s just a combo of stress, too much diner food, and sea sickness,” I said finally and she let out a loud breath.
“Thank fuck because I’d be the worst nanny in the history of the world,” she laughed.
“But you’re the best friend. Thank you, Liv. I don’t think I could have done this alone,” I admitted.
“I’m always here for you. We might have had that strange period where we grew apart, but we’re good. Never again,” she promised.
“Never again,” I agreed.
“I think you should tell the guys about this. And maybe consider switching your birth control method. I’ve heard it gets less effective with time,” she said. I appreciated that my friend never held back on me.
“I will, I’ve been considering switching to the shot,” I admitted. A loud knock on the door had me laughing. “Speak of the devil. It seems it’s time for that talk.”
“Good luck,” she said before hanging up, giving me no choice but to go face the guys who I knew would all be out there. I’d acted like a psycho when I ran from the diner.
They’d all let themselves into the room at this point so when I unlocked the bathroom door and walked out they were all staring at me expectantly. Concern lined their faces, and in an effort to stop anxiety before it could rise, I held up the test.
“It’s negative,” I said quickly before they could go through the same emotional roller coaster I just did.
“Are we sad?” Ethan asked. “The emotions here are such a fucking mess I can’t figure it out.”
“No,” I said honestly. “I know we haven’t really had this talk in depth, but it would mean the end of our lifestyle. We can’t just hand a baby over to Grandma June and leave for a month to hunt and this is no place for a small child or infant. But…”
“I was thinking the same thing,” Lincoln said. “I’m not necessarily opposed if we decide we’re ready. But we’d have to change our entire lifestyle and that’s not something you do lightly. If it were positive we would do it, but I agree, it’s not in the cards for us now.”
“I’ve honestly always wanted to adopt,” Ben added. “Being raised by my grandparents was great but I was left without a family when they were gone. Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I were younger, still in school. I don’t want that for another kid either.”
“I’m on the fence,” Ethan admitted. “The idea of having a baby with you sounds amazing. But I don’t want to give up all this either.”
“We’re nomads, and sure we could figure something out, but I’d hate to give up the freedom we have now,” I said. “And now that we’ve got more resources under our belt, I’d be sad to miss all this.”
“It’s okay for us to not have kids,” Lincoln said gently. “It’s no one else’s business but ours.”
“Now that Ben mentioned it, I’m kind of on team adoption in the future,” I admit. The idea of going through pregnancy and the baby stage didn’t sound appealing to me. Sure, I might change my mind someday, but this wasn’t the kind of decision you rushed.
“Then we table it until someone changes their mind or wants to talk about it again,” Lincoln said. “Agreed?”