“Thanks for stopping by.”
“How about a movie tonight?”
“I have to work. Got called in and with the overtime I’ll have enough to remodel my kitchen.”
“The place is coming along beautifully. Be safe and I’ll talk to you soon.”
Lana sat at her kitchen table and pondered what Sienna had to say and what her father had to say. Maybe he was right. Maybe her confusion stemmed from her closeness with Sean. She did have an obligation to her family. And becoming captain was important. She had been muddled when she’d rebelled against her father and the many years of Dempsey tradition at Station 82. How could she have gone this long wanting something and then decided it wasn’t right for her? Sean was the confusing factor in her life. Once she cleared her mind, she would be very sure that becoming captainwasthe right decision for her.
It would be best to transfer to another station. Her father wouldn’t like it, but she couldn’t ask Sean to do it. It wouldn’t be right. A clean break was what she would need to get him out of her system and back on track.
It hurt to think about distancing herself from Sean, but her life had only gotten complicated when their relationship had changed.
* * *
Sean stood in front of the list and looked at it dumbfounded. Lana’s name was at the top. The number one slot. She would be promoted.
Admiration and elation mixed together with dread. In the next minute it got worse as panic circled in his gut. There was a significant reason why Lana hadn’t told him about the test. He knew that she had aspirations even though she hadn’t voiced them to him.
He’d come to the station to find his misplaced wallet. After looking in his uniform pants, he’d found it. When he’d come downstairs, he saw all the guys milling about and realized they’d posted the list of the people who’d passed. It was always a source of gossip.
He left the station and drove over to her house. Parking the car, he got out. She was outside digging in the garden, her dark hair flashing mahogany in the sun. When he walked up to her, she gave him a wistful smile.
“Hi, want some lemonade? I was just about to get myself some. The sun is hot.”
“The list is out.”
Her reaction made his gut clench as she swallowed hard, then spoke, her voice unsteady. “I was going to tell you.”
Sean watched her, a sick feeling unfolding in his belly. “When? When it was a done deal? I’m surprised that you took the test.”
“Why?”
“You want to be an arson investigator. I’ve known it for a long time. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself or to your father. You’d be wasted as a captain.”
“You don’ think I could do the job?”
“Are you kidding me? You’d be very good in the job. But as an arson investigator, you’d kick ass. I’ve never seen instincts like yours, Lana, you’re a natural and San Diego needs arson investigators like you. Captains are a dime a dozen. I can’t believe that you don’t see it.”
When she made no response, he hunkered down to be at the same level with her. She sat back on her heels. He watched her for a moment, then spoke, his tone still quiet. “I think maybe it’s time you leveled with yourself, Lana.”
She shot him a sharp glance, and then she turned back to the flower she was planting, her jaw set. “Yes, I think investigating fires is interesting,” she said, patting the dirt around the seedling. “But you’re wrong about what I want to do with my life. I’m dedicated to becoming a captain. It’s what I want. And I’m beginning to think Dad’s right. I shouldn’t be sleeping with a squad member that I would someday command.”
His expression grim, Sean looked away. He waited a minute, then looked at her and spoke, “Don’t you think that’s between you and me?”
More silence and his stomach fell like a stone.
“It’s more than that. It’s also about how our relationship is different.”
“Sean…” She rose from the ground and folded her arms against her chest.
“I should have seen it. I’m such a fool. I thought we were drawing closer and all this time you were holding out on me because you’re afraid of making a change. It scares you to realize that what you worked for isn’t what you want. You don’t want to disappoint your father.”
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I know what I want. You may have gotten all assertive on me, Sean, but don’t tell me what I want.”
She stared at him, a sad look in her eyes, her arms clutched in front of her, and something hard and cold settled in the pit of Sean’s stomach. He stared at her, then turned his head and clenched his jaw in disgust. After all this time, he had never put it together until now. And he didn’t like it one damned bit. “I see that you’re caught between your own desires and your father’s expectations. It’s a hard place to be.”
She seemed frozen in place, her eyes wide and wounded, and he looked away and shook his head, his frustration compounding. He waited until he got a grip on the feelings building inside him, then faced her again. “I’m not your father, Lana. I’m not going to coerce or manipulate you into something you don’t want to do. I’m also not going to stand here and cover up the truth because you don’t want to hear it.”