Xavier’s words, combined with his body pressed to hers as he held Audrey tight, triggered a flood of emotions. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she sank into his warmth. This was the warmest she’d been since he’d handcuffed her outside the lodge a lifetime ago.
Joy, fear, heartache, and even love swamped her as she breathed in his scent and absorbed his body heat.
She told herself the love she felt was for the baby. And the tears were from relief that they got to have this moment after the long, awful night. She cried because he hadn’t hesitated to claim their baby.
Her child would have a father.
That’s all this feeling was.
She slipped her hand between their bodies and stroked her abdomen.
Your daddy wants you, baby. He’s going to love you just as much as I do.
She leaned back to meet his gaze again and saw matching tears on his cheeks.
It helped to realize he was as overwhelmed as she was.
He pressed his lips to hers, a soft, warm kiss that asked nothing. “I will be there for you and the baby every step of the way, if you’ll let me.”
She cleared her throat. “I want you there for the baby, absolutely. For me…I don’t know. We’ll have to take that one step at a time.”
He nodded. “That’s fair. I fucked up. You don’t trust me, with good reason.” He cupped her face between his warm palms. “When we said goodbye in November, I didn’t want to leave like I did. My plan was to keep my distance until after the training was approved. Once that was behind us, I’d planned to ask you on a proper date. I wanted to wine and dine you and see if what I thought was between us was real.”
“You were awfully cold with your abrupt dismissal when we said goodbye.”
It had been the first sign something wasn’t perfect. It had stung. A lot. More than she’d cared to admit at the time, actually. Later, she’d told herself that was who Xavier Rivera really was, and the man she’d had sex with had been nothing more than a pickup artist looking for another conquest.
She pushed away. She needed distance while she processed his words. She needed to figure out what was real. Was she merely seeing what she desperately wanted to see because she wanted to like the father of her child? Or was he the sincerely apologetic and intensely appealing man who’d protected her since this nightmare began?
Who is Xavier Rivera?
“Please, can I hold you? You’re still cold, and I…I need to give you comfort after giving you so much pain.”
“You’re hoping to hug your way into forgiveness.”
“If I thought that was possible, sure, but no. What I did was unforgivable. I’ve said that already. I’ll never seek your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it. I just…you could have died tonight, and that—along with every other awful thing you’ve had to deal with—was my fault. Please, will you let me hold you as I absorb the fact that the woman who bowled me over the night we met is going to be the mother of my child?”
She relaxed against him. “Well, when you put it that way…”
He let out a small laugh. “It was hands down the best sex I’ve ever had.”
“Same,” she admitted. “And potent too, apparently.”
He let out a bark of laughter. “How did that happen? As far as I know, none of the condoms broke, and I was careful when I wasn’t wrapped.”
“The condom box in my kit expired more than two years ago. Apparently, those expiration dates matter.”
“Don’t condoms have a shelf life of like…five years?”
“Yes. I didn’t realize how long it had been since I switched them out. I was in a long-term/long-distance relationship that ended a year ago, and I was on the pill the entire time we were together. I’d bought the condoms and tucked them in my emergency overnight field kit before my ex and I were a couple. I don’t cheat, so they went unused. After the breakup, I stopped taking the pill and bought a new box, but I forgot to swap them out with the ones in my overnight field kit I always keep in my car. It wasn’t exactly at the forefront of my mind since I don’t fool around with subordinates in the field and don’t go out to meet people much.”
She let out a heavy sigh. “I want you to know I…I didn’t plan this. We tried to prevent it. You had no way of knowing the condoms were suspect. That was my mistake. You offered to go to the store in the lobby, but I was too eager and vetoed that option with bad condoms. We made this fig together—”
“Fig?”
“In week eleven, the fetus is about the size of a fig. Anyway, it takes two, of course, but I was the one with the expired condoms and I’m the one who wants this baby with my whole heart.”
She tilted her head down and studied his camouflage shirt, unable to meet his gaze as she said the important part. “You didn’t ask for this, and I don’t want my baby to have an indifferent father. I’m not going to force this on you.”