"I…" he starts, glances between the smooth surface of the water and back to me. "I want you to show me what you do when…"
I inhale sharply. "But I don't need to…right now."
What is he asking of me?
"I know. I figured if you show me, explain it to me when you don't have to…maybe over time, we can work on finding something less…hazardous." This time, there is a tiny tug on his lips.Less hazardous.
My breath stalls, and I slash my mouth, not wanting him to see the tremble. He wants to help me, not just accept my condition. No one has ever done that. I've always just suppressed and hidden it. An odd giddiness rolls through me, and I step closer until we're toe to toe. Interlacing my fingers behind his head, I pull him to my level and bridge the gap. It's the softest of touches as his mouth begins to move against mine, and I automatically open up to him. This man is like a drug I didn't know I needed. Marcus's tongue enters my mouth, and I let him take the lead as we tangle in synchronous movement. My body burns from the inside out until a cool breeze reminds me where we are.
I pull back, peering up at him. "Thank you."
He leans his forehead to mine. "Drop the towel, baby. If we're doing this, we're doing it the right way."
I burst out laughing. "The right way involves skinny dipping?"
"Absolutely, it does." He reaches to the spot where the towel is tucked together over my breasts. "I figure if it ends up becoming too much, I can distract you a different way."
Desire flickers at the thought. "What about the cameras?"
"Turned off. J knows not to leave the office or turn the pool feed on until he gets my okay. He can watch the rest of the property from the inside." Marcus grins against my lips.
With one move, he whips the towel away from my body and stifles my shriek of surprise with his mouth.
We spent halfthe night outside. Thankfully, the pool was heated.
When I slipped into the water, he was right beside me. The thundering rhythm against my rib cage made it hard to concentrate. My adrenaline was through the roof, and I waited forthe needto set in. It never came.
Marcus challenged me with endless questions. He forced me to face my demon—my mind. The knowledge that I could stop at any point, that he would never push me over the edge, allowed me to talk him through every thought, sensation, and urge that went through my mind when I craved my unconventional coping strategy. This was the first time I voluntarily put it in words, without being prodded by a therapist or my father. The liberation was exhilarating. With every sentence, I felt lighter, breathing became easier, and I became…free.
While I subconsciously was aware of the why, the risk of judgment—or worse, pity—had kept me from verbalizing it. It was etched into my soul thatwedidn't talk about it. We didn't admit to not being perfect.
"How… What do you feel when you look up at the world above?"
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. "I'm in charge."
This wasn't enough of an explanation, so he simply waited.
"I, um… I'm in charge of how long I remain submerged. How sharp I let the burn get before…surrendering and resurfacing."
Marcus nodded in understanding, and his acceptance reignited a flame I never expected to feel again.
He held me as I drifted to the bottom of the pool, staying with me until we ran out of air. The familiar ache morphed into a completely new emotion. I didn't chase the numbing pain. I shared it with him. He became part of my way to…heal.
I had gone from helpless to the situation to Marcus being the only one whose touch I could bear. Sharing that night, my pain, made him become part of it. Where my condition overtook my mind and body, he held my soul.
When we were both spent from the continuous deprivation of air, he wrapped me in a towel and carried me back to the guesthouse. The sway of his slow walk lulled me to sleep. I rested my cheek against his shoulder, and he hummed contently. The surrealness of this, us, was still hard to comprehend.
It was too good to be true. To be permanent.
Sittingbehind my desk Friday afternoon, I get ready to pack up. With it being my birthday weekend, Lilly made me promise not to work.
A knock on the door draws my attention away from the task at hand, and a squeal erupts in my throat. I can't get out of my chair fast enough. Rounding the desk, I almost catch my foot on my purse but manage to sidestep it at the last minute.
I plow into the male body, and a sudden wave of emotion makes my eyes water. I hold on as tight as possible, fear of him vanishing overpowering my senses.
His arms wind around me, holding me just as tight. After a moment, he tries to draw back, but I tense my muscles, locking him in place. "Not yet."
"I missed you, too, D." Wes's voice is like a soothing blanket.