I flutter my lids closed and breathe in deeply. Slowly blinking, I loosen my death grip and uncurl my fingers. The towel pools around me on the floor as I hang my arms to my sides. My gaze trails over my body, starting at my lips. He didn't kiss me. Lower to my throat where he held me. I should've been afraid. He had threatened to choke me on more than one occasion. The mere thought of letting Charlie wipe away my tears had caused my chest to tighten. Collin's hands around my wrists had felt like barbed wire, not to mention— My pulse picks up, and I divert where my mind is heading again.
I'm drained, my limbs heavy with exhaustion. I can't handle another panic attack today. I trail farther downward, over my breasts… The moment the tips of Marcus's fingers moved from my blouse to flesh, every nerve ending in my body was set ablaze. The heat that spread through me like an inferno was almost too much to bear. At the same time, it was all I wanted to feel. Heat had pooled in my core, dampening my underwear. The need for him to touch me eclipsed everything—the panic, the helplessness—I had felt before he interfered in front of the house. I'd never been this embarrassed and relieved at the same time. No one could stand up to Marcus Baxter, least of all Collin. Marcus pulled his gun on Collin. For me.
Why?
I settle on the four small bruises on my hip, where he dug his fingers in as he thrust in and out of me. Warmth floods me, remembering the sting accompanied by the fullness of his cock.
This changes nothing.
While that may be true, it changes everything. Maybe not for him, but for me. For years, the only thing capable of helping me escape was water, submerging myself… Or drugs—the legal kind. The kind my parents convinced me I needed. I hadn't touched any of the prescription bottles in years, tossing them as soon as Celine sent the ordered refill from my father.
Marcus's nearness was like a drug, his touch what water never accomplished—no matter how long I remained under. He made me forget and feel everything at the same time. He wasn't gentle or even kind. He had left me, legs spread, standing in my best friend's laundry room. Yet, I couldn't be upset. He touched me at my worst, his connection like a lifeline bringing me back to myself. Not to forget the orgasm none will ever measure up to. I have to clench my thighs, just thinking about it.
Thank God I've been on the pill for years—the first thing Celine did when Charlie and I had become more serious. Yet, neither Marcus nor I made any attempt to protect ourselves. I had never been that careless, which saved me from the STD my fiancé got himself. Maybe subconsciously, I never trusted Collin, no matter how long we were together. But Marcus…he isn't that type of man.
Is he?
No. From what Lilly mentioned on the rare occasion we spoke about herShadow, he barely left the property. Never had a relationship. He lived for his job. It was his twisted way of redeeming himself after not protecting McKenna.
I glide my index finger over each of the small imprints, pressing down ever so slightly. The sting causes me to bite my bottom lip.
This changes nothing.
The next morning,I descend the stairs. With every step, the nervous tingle in my chest expands. How do I explain to Lilly where her car is? Entering the kitchen, I find Lilly and Audrey engaged in a one-sided argument, my best friend begging her daughter to try some scrambled eggs. Marcus leans against the island, hiding his amusement behind a mug as he watches.
His eyes snap to mine, and the smirk vanishes. He doesn't look away but also gives me no indication that what happened in the laundry room was of consequence for him. Holding his stare, my bruises begin to tingle with the memory of how he ran his fingers in excruciating slowness down my spine to—
"Hey, D.!" Lilly's greeting forces me to break the visual connection. A feverish flush burns itself from my neck to my cheeks. I need a distraction.
Flipping my attention to Audrey, I scan the tray in front of her. "What's going on, little miss? Why are you giving your mom such a hard time?" I pick up a piece of cold egg and plop it in my mouth, pretending the cold orange-yellow blob is the most delicious meal ever. It isn't, but it does what I had hoped. Suppressing a gag as I swallow the gooey mass has snuffed out the desire after coming face-to-face with Marcus.
Audrey eyes me skeptically before slowly fisting a big chunk of egg. She peers between her mom and me, and I nod encouragingly.
"Hmmm, if you don't eat it, I will," I purr. Let's hope I can at least lie to a one-year-old.
She hesitates one more moment before shoving the entire thing in her mouth. Everyone in the room holds their breath as we watch the tiny human determine if she likes her food. Audrey swallows and immediately reaches for a second helping. Lilly throws up her hands in defeat, and I burst out laughing.
"Why couldn't you have come down thirty minutes ago?"
I cross the distance and hug her to my side. "Can't make parenting too easy for you now, can I, babe?"
She returns my embrace with a huff.
Pulling back, I scan her features. "Hey, um, could one of you give me a ride to work this morning?"
Lilly frowns. "Why?"
Before I can answer, Marcus speaks behind us. "Ethan picked up the car." His tone drips with disdain, and I jerk around.
My brows pull together, waiting for him to elaborate—anything that would explain (a) why someone picked up the SUV for me, and (b) how this warranted such hatred.
I haven't deluded myself into thinking that we're suddenly on civil terms just because he fucked me raw and gave me the most mind-blowing orgasm. But this? He must've initiated for Ethan to get the G-Wagon. No one else knew I didn't drive it home.
"Oh," is all I manage.
Lilly's gaze flickers between us, and I don't want to know the questions piling up in her head. Avoiding the interrogation, I blurt out, "Collin drove me home after work. I had a few drinks at lunch. Denis's treat." I swivel on my heels and speed to the espresso maker, my pace matching my drumming heartbeat.
With my back to the room, I get busy. I sense my best friend's stare boring into the back of my head. The hairs at the nape of my neck stand at attention.