I don’t respond. I probably shouldn’t speak for the rest of my life. I’ve already embarrassed myself enough.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.” He smiles, but it’s sad.
“Been a long time since you’ve done what? Gone on a date?”
He nods.
I don’t believe him for one second.
“Yeah, okay. Can we go now?”
“You think I’m lying?”
“Yes, Don Settimo. I think you’re full of shit.”
“Twenty years.” He looks completely serious. There’s no hint of a smirk, and his eyes never leave mine.
“What?”
“It’s been twenty years since I’ve been on a date. You can think I’m lying if you want.”
“But you…” I take a breath. “I mean, it isn’t as if you’ve gone twenty years without having sex.”
He huffs. “No. I haven’t gonea weekwithout having sex.”
Ouch. So I’m not the last person he’s fucked.
“But I’m not interested in a relationship.”
Double ouch.
“Then why are we here?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but pauses. He closes his mouth and looks to his left.
What is it?
I want to say the words, but part of me is afraid to hear the answer.
He looks at me again. “I took your virginity, Alex. Whether or not I knew it at the time, it happened… When you were at my house, you acted as if it was important to you to get the full experience.”
I let out a sigh, and I don’t know what it means because I’m full of mixed feelings. On the one hand, he’s shoved a knife through me by making me think this was genuine. On the other, didn’t I already know that? This was never going to be taken further than a date. I’mengaged. There is no bright future with another man. Certainly not this one.
He probably thought he was being kind doing this. In a way, he was. I wanted him to pretend for me before, so why wouldn’t I want him to now?
Because back then, I knew he was pretending.
“That’s… sweet. I guess. You didn’t have to do this, though.”
He nods. It looks like he has more to say, but he won’t spit it out.
“Is there something else?”
Settimo opens his mouth and then closes it with a sigh. “Yes.” He gestures toward the ledge. “Will you sit with me for a minute? I’ll take you home afterward.”
I walk with him to the ledge and sit down. We’re so high up, the people on the ground look like bugs. I’ve never been afraid of heights, but this is a bit intense. Settimo doesn’t seem to notice.
“Do you know anything about what’s happening between the Italians and Russians?”