This isn’t how I want this. The chance for a redo dropped along with Settimo’s pants.
Is this how it’ll always be? Impersonal. Detached. My ass on full display.
Settimo thrusts into me, and I grip the comforter and squeeze my eyes shut. I bite my lip, but it’s not enough to hold the tears back. There’s no bathroom to cry in this time.
Settimo pumps in and out of me while forming bruises on my thighs in the shape of his fingers. He rears back and slaps my ass, hard, and I yelp.
He freezes. His cock remains inside of me, and his heavy breaths fill the room.
“Too much?” he asks.
I say nothing, and after several seconds, he pulls out and takes his hands off my hips. He smooths his palm over my back.
“Are you okay?”
I clench my eyelids harder. If I open my mouth, a sob will escape. If I speak, my voice will crack.
“Alex?”
Settimo climbs onto the bed and moves my hair from my face. I can feel him looking right at me, but I don’t open my eyes. Any minute now I’ll have to come clean, and I’d like to prolong the inevitable as much as possible.
“Talk to me. Did I hurt you?”
I scoff in an attempt to cover up some of my hurt. “What the hell do you care? Didn’t you bring me here tonighttohurt me?” My voice breaks, and whatever chance I had of masking my emotions with anger is gone. It was a pitiful attempt in the first place.
Settimo sighs and grabs me by my shoulders. He hauls me up to sitting and takes my face in his hands. “Open your eyes.”
Slowly, I allow my eyes to open, and I blink several times. I meet his gaze, full of concern.
“We were having a good time. You can’t deny that, so don’t feed me that bullshit. You want to walk out of here, fine. Go. But stop pretending you're a victim. I gave you the chance to leave, and you—”
“I’m a virgin.”
His mouth hangs open, and his brows knit.
My face heats, and I swallow. “Iwasa virgin. That day at the park, that was my first time.”
Settimo moves his eyes and stares at nothing for a moment before meeting my gaze again. He laughs, but it’s forced. Maybe even nervous.
“Okay, good one. Can you stop playing now? Seriously, this is a turnoff.”
“Do I look like I’m playing?” My voice is stone.
He stares at me, searching my face for some remnant of poorly timed humor, but he finds nothing because there’s nothing there. His eyes widen, and he shifts himself away from me like his body is recoiling.
“What? How is that even…”
I bite my lip and don’t say anything else. At this point I just want to go home, press a pillow to my face, and scream. Maybe cry. Probably both.
“You initiated it. I didn’t…” His mouth stays open like he doesn’t know how to finish his sentence.
“I know.” I tuck my hair behind my ears and take a deep breath. “I didn’t want Paolo to be my first.”
Settimo’s jaw drops, and he combs through his thick locks. “What the fuck?” he says, under his breath. “So what, you decided to jump whatever guy came along?”
“I didn’tjumpyou, and I didn’t plan it. It just…”
“It just what?”