I give him a resigned nod. “Can you at least promise to do your best to keep us dry?”
“That, I promise.” The mischievous glint returns to his eyes. “Now, let’s discuss our choice of hold.”
“How about I piggyback on your shoulders?”
“Sure, we can do that,” he says, “if we aim to come in last.”
“Then what do you propose?”
“The Estonian carry.”
Oh boy.“I’m afraid I’m not familiar with that particular hold. Will you explain the… mechanics of it?”
He frowns, confused. “I get it that you’ve avoided public gatherings, but have you never watched this contest on TV?”
“Nope.”
“Moving on,” he says. “Let’s talk about the mechanics. Most couples choose the Estonian carry because it offers them the best chance of victory.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because the man doesn’t use up all his energy trying to not drop the woman like in the piggyback or over-the-threshold carries.”
“I see.”
Not really, though.I squint toward the ceiling, struggling to picture the position.
“The wife is carried upside down,” he says, “feet forward, head facing the husband’s back.”
“Huh?”
“Basically, we’ll be doing an inverted piggyback in which your bottom’s up.” He hunkers down. “Let’s try it.”
Uncertain, I approach him.
“Would you like to remove your eyeglasses?” he asks.
“No, I’m good.”
“All right. So. Your thighs will rest on my shoulders. I’m going to lower my head, so that it’s out of your way, and you’ll drape yourself over my back.”
I nod.
We do exactly as he described, but then he surprises me by grabbing my thighs. He spreads them a little and thrusts his head up between them as he straightens up.
Panicking I wrap my arms around his chest.
“Hold me lower, around the stomach,” he says. “Or I’ll have a hard time breathing when I run.”
I move my arms down. “How do you know that?”
“Have you ever heard of online tutorials?”
“Yes! I used them to teach myself how to mime.”
He takes a few steps forward. “You can lock your ankles but keep them low so they don’t block my view.”
I do as I’m told.