The moment the words left her lips, Ray’s face changed. Suddenly, he looked troubled, maybe even angry.
“I’m not …” his voice trailed off, his eyes unfocused as if he was examining his own intentions.
“I’m just trying to show you a good time,” he muttered a bit defensively. “I’m sorry if it’s too much.”
Augusta didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. The first course came, and she looked at her plate as if it was a portal to another world she could just step into and disappear.
She had the feeling that Ray was trying to over-impress her and hadn’t admitted it to himself. Augusta kept her eyes on her food as she picked at it, the silence deepening as the seconds dragged by.
When she finally looked up, Ray was staring at his plate, as well. His face was tense as if he were rummaging through his mind, searching for the truth. She wondered what that truth might be.
“Ray,” she said softly. “I’m not good at this, and I’m sorry.”
“What?” he asked, tilting his head up. “Good at what? What do you mean?”
“Relationships, I mean,” she said hesitantly. “I have trouble trusting people. It’s really difficult for me to open up.”
“Why?” he asked. Even though he was curious, she could tell that he respected her enough not to be petulant if she didn’t want to share.
But I do want to share.
Augusta took a deep breath.
“Okay. I don’t tell this story much. It’s very painful for me.”
“Go on,” Ray said, reaching out to squeeze her hand. “I’m here.”
She smiled at him, his warmth flowing through her. Just at his light touch, her body woke, treating her to memories of the night before. The connection to him made it completely natural to open her heart to him.
“Okay,” she said. “I had a really serious boyfriend at the beginning of college. Well … I thought so, anyway. He had a lot of gambling debts. I tried to help him multiple times, but he just didn’t stop.”
She looked away, feeling tears in her eyes. This part of the story was always the worst. Ray gave her hand another squeeze, letting her know she was safe.
Augusta met his eyes, heartache tearing through her as if it had just happened yesterday.
“He left me with the mob guys who came for the money. He said he had to go get it, that he’d just made a big score, and he could pay everyone.”
She sighed, struggling through the pain of the horrific memory. She’d been so frightened, and through it all, she had trusted the man she loved, only to be utterly betrayed.
“He never came back. He disappeared to Canada or something like that. I was lucky that the mob guys didn’t kill me. They figured there was no point since I was clearly not useful for leverage.”
Augusta picked up a napkin and wiped at her eyes. She wasn’t bawling like crazy, so that was a slight improvement, but it still cut her right through the chest like a razor, how easily she had been discarded.
“That’s why I’m so cautious,” she said. “I don’t want to … trust again. I don’t even know how to. It scares me.”
Tightening his grip on her hand again, Ray leaned forward. His big brown eyes expressed understanding that she couldn’t imagine.
“I would never leave you high and dry like that,” he muttered. She sensed that he had to stifle his voice, otherwise, he’d yell and scream. His rage at the injustice she had suffered consumed him, setting him on fire, but he was determined to control it.
We need to find this bastard and kill him for hurting our Augusta.
“I would never leave you at all,” he said in a firm voice. A strange sensation flowed through her. He was telling the truth … she sensed it in her bones, in the essence of her soul.
Ray sat back, but he didn’t let go of her hand. She saw a guise of surprise flicker across his face. Was he as shocked by his words as she was? He shook his head, turning away.
“I’m not great at this either,” he admitted. “But I care for you, and I need you to know that. All of this …” he gestured at the restaurant with one hand. “All of this is the only way I know how to do things. I’m sorry if it came across the wrong way.”
“No, not at all,” Augusta said. “I’m flattered, really. I think it’s wonderful. I just … I don’t know what to expect or what you expect of me.”